Can Our Strengths Also Be Our Weaknesses?
One of the exercises in my GPS Your Career workshop is to identify characteristics that differentiate you and contribute to your success. Last week when I delivered this workshop at MIT, someone asked the question, “What if your strengths are perceived by some people as a weakness?”
Here was the example given: I am a results driven aggressive business woman and this has contributed to my successful career, yet some of my colleagues view my aggressiveness as overbearing and pushy.
First of all, let me say that other people’s perception should not take away from the fact that you are successful because of these characteristics. The real question is do they recognize that these qualities contribute to your business success? Do they respect your track record of achievement? They may not “like” you because of their own feelings about successful women in business, aggressive women, perhaps their own insecurities. You should not discount your value proposition because of their feelings.
Secondly, when you are communicating your value proposition, it’s important to tailor your message to the recipient. Find out what motivates them, drives them, pushes their buttons. If you discover that someone may be uncomfortable with the way you are describing yourself, modify it but keep the core of the message the same. Think of other ways to describe yourself. Maybe you don’t use the adjectives “aggressive” and “results driven”. Instead stress your competence, your track record of meeting and exceeding expectations.
Always put a positive spin on what you bring to the table and keep in mind what you want the other person to think about you. Then think about what will resonate with them for the maximum impact based on what you know about them.
To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others. ~ Tony Robbins
The Power of Vulnerability
Please watch this video! This is Brene Brown’s presentation at the Houston TED Conference on “The Power of Vulnerability”. This twenty minute video is life-changing. At least, it was for me. We all struggle with vulnerability. No one is completely comfortable when they feel vulnerable, but Brene shares with us that being vulnerable is THE only way to truly connect with others. She stresses the importance of connection to give us meaning and purpose to our lives.
Brene believes that vulnerability is “the birthplace of joy, creativity, love and belonging”.
Her recommendations for achieving connection with others:
- Let yourself be seen; really seen
- Love with your whole heart
- Practice gratitude and joy
- Believe that YOU ARE ENOUGH.
I would love to hear your thoughts and comments about this video.
The Importance of Building Bridges
A senior vice president walks into the company’s executive committee meeting to introduce her plan to roll out a new consumer product. She has prepared and practiced her presentation. She has anticipated questions and push backs and prepared her responses. She has clearly outlined the benefits of this program for the company.
She stands in front of the room and confidently presents her vision and plan. Something doesn’t feel right however. Sure, there is some head nodding and some note taking, but none of the enthusiasm she anticipated. What went wrong? What was missing from her selling this idea to the committee?
The missing piece has nothing to do with her delivery or presentation or idea. It has everything to do with the fact that she did not build bridges beforehand. If she had met with each individual on the committee beforehand, asked for their input, and sold them on her idea, potentially she would have had a room full of enthusiastic supporters.
Each member of the executive committee is interested in programs that benefit the company, but they also want to feel they have been included in the process. They are interested in how it will affect and benefit them.
The lesson here is clear. It’s important to build your bridges beforehand. Sell to the individuals first. Ask for their input. Tailor your message so it resonates with each person. Use the information you have about their interests, drive, and motivation to win their approval. Then as you present your plan to the team, they will feel that they are part of your vision. They will help you to sell the plan to others.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the fairest of them all? Who’s the smartest? Who’s the most successful?
If you’re like most women I know, you will look at your reflection in the mirror and knock yourself down, and look for ways to berate yourself.
Why is this so? In a New York Times article last week, author Stuart Bradford quotes Dr. Kristin Neff, an associate professor of human development at University of Texas at Austin.
I found that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.
According to the author, research suggests “that giving ourselves a break and accepting our imperfections may be the first step toward better health.”
Do we ever give ourselves a break though? We set high standards for ourselves. Sometimes we can’t possibly meet these standards. Often our goals and expectations are unrealistic. That doesn’t stop us, however, from beating ourselves up when we fall short of where we think we should be.
When we don’t have confidence, we look to others for validation. We look to our partner to complete us. We measure our success by our wealth. But at the end of the day, there is really no one who can give us this confidence but ourselves. It needs to come from within us, not from any image in a mirror.
If we accept the fact that self-compassion is better for our overall health and well being, how do we get there? It is, after all, very difficult to unlearn years of behavior.
The first step in any personal development work is to be aware that you need to boost your self-compassion and confidence. Once you identify this is an area that you need to address, you can begin to look for methods that work for you. Dr. Neff recommends that we consciously work to develop a habit of self-compassion. She suggests positive affirmations, meditation, writing a letter of support. I would add keeping a journal of your successes.
It takes time and effort to change behavior and belief systems, but the next time you look in the mirror, try to see yourself as others see you. Be gentle with yourself. Recite your positive affirmations to your reflection and SMILE.
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