Hurricane Irene and Feeling Out of Control
I was in Los Angeles last week for business and scheduled to take a flight home on Thursday. Thunderstorms in New York delayed the flight over an hour; circumstances beyond my control. It’s the weather after all, right? Get into JFK around 1:00 am and walk down to baggage claim. There I waited over one hour for my bag to appear. The conveyor belt was jammed; another case of circumstances beyond my control. Can’t do anything but wait and pace, wait and pace.
Finally home early Friday morning and there is a weather alert. Hurricane Irene is on the way and preparations are necessary; water, batteries, grocery store, filling the car up with gas. All these tasks give you the sense that you are in control, but you can never control the weather. The hurricane hits. The power goes out and I am now writing this blog on battery power.
Maybe we feel a little better knowing that everyone is in the same boat? Very few people have power here. We are all forced to sit in the dark on a Sunday that is usually jam packed with a combination of outdoor activities, catching up on emails, phone calls, and perhaps some work.
The fact of the matter is that we never feel good being out of control whether it’s due to the weather, mechanical problems or other reasons.
I don’t know about you but feeling like a victim has never been something I’ve been comfortable with, especially when it comes to my career and life. Sure there are lay-offs and mergers that cause lay-offs. When you are in business, there is constant change (most of it beyond your control). That being said, there is still a lot that we can control.
Think about your career strategically and make a plan. What is your goal and what is the best path to reach that goal? Evaluate every opportunity that comes along. How does this opportunity align with your goal? You make the choices.
Communicate your goal to others. Ask for sponsors and mentors. Network and build strategic relationships. Be intentional and focused.
Unlike the weather, we are never really out of control although it may seem that way at times. We always have choices. We have the power to move our careers forward in whatever direction we choose.
Don’t let a “hurricane mentality” affect your career. Take the necessary steps to plan and prepare and take control.
If Nice Guys Finish Last, What about Nice Gals?
The news last week featured the results of an interesting research study from University of Ontario’s Ivey School of Business, Cornell University and University of Notre Dame. Basically, the study demonstrated that men who were “highly disagreeable” at work earned 18 per cent more (an average of $9,700 more a year) than men who scored “agreeable”. The headline in the press was that nice guys finish last, but is there more to it than that?
For the purpose of this study, “agreeableness” was defined as people who value relationships, altruism, and the good of the group over their own self-interest. This is typically seen as more feminine behavior, right? Those who were considered “disagreeable” were viewed as self-serving and aggressive.
Charlice Hurst, one of the co-authors says of the study says that we shouldn’t take all this literally, but it is important to note that the ability to stand up for yourself and advocate for your self-interests does get you noticed for promotion.
….. speaking up for yourself more often may make you more highly valued by your employer. It comes down to standing up for your interests and being more assertive in your negotiations based on what you know your value to be rather than making people happy your top priority.
She offers more food for thought. It could be that the high earning men are actually nice guys on a daily basis but are more aggressive and proficient at negotiating for a better salary. Interesting point! We can still be nice (if that comes naturally) and advance our careers by being more assertive when we need to be.
We all know that women who are aggressive and self-serving are already viewed negatively by most organizations. Being nice had less of an effect on women’s compensation with an average of 5 per cent gap in salary. The study concluded that women are already discriminated against in terms of salary and in fact, are expected to be nice, to be nurturing of others, and therefore, are not penalized further for this.
The important lesson for women, I think, is that we can still embrace our innate feminine style. We don’t need to mimic “disagreeable” behavior to get ahead. (This doesn’t really work for men either.) But what we do need to do is learn to speak up for ourselves if we want to advance our career. We can still be an advocate for our team, but we also need to know when to advocate for ourselves. There is an appropriate time for both, and knowing when to stick up for yourself is vitally important to get noticed and get promoted.
Do You Dare to Dream?
Here’s the question: “If you had all the resources and freedom to do whatever you wanted, what would you do? How would you live your life?
My coach asked me this question as we started our initial work together this week and quite honestly, I was overwhelmed. I realized then that it has been a long time since I have allowed myself the personal freedom to dream of my future.
I seem to be stuck in practicality these days, focused on making a living and replenishing my savings and investments. In fact, I am chasing my financial goals with such intensity, that I have lost sight of where I’m headed.
The instability of our country’s financial status and the volatile swings on Wall Street all contribute to my sense of urgency to focus on my financial viability above all else. But the personal cost to me has been to lose that necessary time to dream and let my imagination carry me to perhaps new approaches and innovations in my business and life.
Because answering the above question was so difficult for me, I was wondering if I’m the only one who has lost touch with their dreams. Can you relate?
Last year I did some dreaming. My goal was to be a “Woman of Influence”; to do more public speaking and workshops to help women reach their career and leadership goals; to do more writing as well. I generated some fabulous ideas on how to reach this goal. Somewhere along the way, I got lost and lost my focus. I now realize how important it is to allow yourself to dream and dream big every so often.
Take some time this week and ask yourself the above question. Let yourself dream and brainstorm and have fun with your freedom of thought.
Let me know how it goes. What are your dreams?
S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G Your Comfort Zone
I truly enjoy working out. My favorite activity is running outside. I also work out regularly in the gym. What has always been a challenge for me is s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g.
If you are a yogi and can naturally put your foot behind your head or sit in a pigeon for hours without groaning, I don’t think you’ll be able to relate to this post. However, if you’re like me and you enjoy being active every day and are constantly challenged by the amount of time you can devote to your physical activity and will do almost anything to avoid stretching, you are my soul mate.
Sitting in meetings all day, commuting into the city, regular airline travel (ugh!) add to my overall stiffness. Certainly being positioned in front of a computer all day doesn’t help either! This is when I need to stretch the most, but it’s also when it hurts the most.
I was able to make a yoga class this weekend and listened carefully when the instructor said to pay attention to your body. If you are in a pose and something hurts, that’s most likely where you need the stretch the most and where your body puts up the most resistance. And he’s so right!
So I started to think about stretching in general; not just our bodies but stretching our comfort zones in our professional lives. Does the same theory apply? Is it valid that the more we need to stretch to learn new skills and take on more responsibilities, the more it hurts (i.e. the more we resist)?
There is no doubt that we are all more content in our comfort zone. We feel accomplished and productive. We are terrific at what we do. So it is natural that when we are faced with challenges that push us out of this comfort zone, we resist on some level. Perhaps we fear failure and that would certainly hurt. Perhaps we resist learning something new because our ego is so attached to doing it our way.
Whatever the reasons may be, it’s important to note that pushing yourself out of your comfort zone at work is just as important as stretching your body to maintain your health and fitness. Certainly, volunteering for high profile projects and taking on more responsibility at work all contribute to learning some new skills to add to your resume and will help you to advance your career.
Next time you go to stretch your calf muscles or hamstrings, remind yourself that you also need to stretch yourself at work if you want to advance your career. It may hurt a little at first, but just like the physical stretch it will benefit you in the long run.
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