Confidence Equals Competence
I have a power point slide in many of my keynote presentations that states Confidence = Competence. When this slide appears, it’s always an “ah-hah” moment for many people in the audience. Isn’t it true though? When you present yourself with confidence, people assume you are competent.
Think about your own purchasing decisions. Would you be willing to purchase a product or service from someone who lacks confidence; who stumbles through their sales presentation and seems unprepared and anxious? You would no doubt hesitate unless you felt sorry for them. (Not a good reason to buy, by the way.) You hesitate in this case because you believe that when a person lacks confidence in their presentation, they may lack competence. As an entrepreneur, it’s important to understand this when selling your own products and services.
Now, I’m not saying it’s necessarily true. It’s just our perception. But the perception is important because that is what people base their decisions on.
Maybe you’re not an entrepreneur, but a woman with ambition to get ahead in her organization. You are talented and gifted and produce great results, but when it comes to presenting those results, speaking up in meetings, you fumble and stammer. Do you come across as a potential leader? Probably not!
I’m not a proponent of faking confidence. I’ve read some articles that say “fake it until you make it.” I’m against this tactic because authenticity is so important in our presentation. It is, in fact, this connection with our authentic selves and the value that we offer that is the foundation of the confidence we need in order to present ourselves as competent. This authenticity inspires trust and it’s vital for our success in business.
I do a lot of speaking now about the topic of understanding your value because I believe until we understand and connect with our unique gifts and value proposition, we will continue to lack the confidence to present ourselves as competent.
Do you understand your unique value or the value that your products and services offer?
Starting January 10th, I am be offering a four week group coaching program that will take you on a journey of self-discovery to understand your value and better position yourself to grow your business or advance your career. This four week program will be done via phone and participants will receive four hours of coaching, valuable worksheets and exercises as well as feedback from a group of like-minded professionals. Each participant will also receive mp3 recordings of every class.
Check out my website, for more information! And be one of 10 lucky women to take this journey. The group will be limited to 10 so please register now.
A Reason to Give Thanks
This is a guest post from Marilyn Tam. Listen to my interview with Marilyn coming up December 12th on Webtalkradio!
Have you ever had this happen to you? Where it took a physical, mental or emotional detachment or even the combination, before you could see what you really had? Sometimes we only appreciate what we have when we are away from it, or more sadly, after we’ve lost it.
As a citizen by choice of the United States of America, thanksgiving was a new holiday to me. What a great holiday! A day devoted to gathering and giving thanks with loved ones and that’s all. No gifts exchange, no specific religious reasons, which may trip up one group or another, just come together to share, celebrate the harvest, eat good food and give to thanks. I can really get behind this!
What is Thanksgiving? Most cultures have a festival to give thanks for the bounty from the earth. In my ancestral country of China, we have Moon festival/Mid Autumn festival, on the eighth lunar month to celebrate the harvest and the fullest moon of the year.
Yet it took me to leave my birthplace and be transplanted into another culture and environment for me to fully appreciate Thanksgiving. Is it the actual name of the American holiday, or is it the physical and emotional distance of being a newcomer that got me to look at the reason behind the holiday?
I am particularly reminded of this because this year marked the loss of several dear friends and my beloved mentor, Robert Muller. Dr. Muller was the Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations and the most optimistic and happiest man I’ve ever met. Since he dealt with numerous global calamities in his job daily, his bubbling enthusiasm was especially remarkable. I asked him during one of the rare times when he wasn’t surrounded by people seeking his advice and attention, what gave him that positive energy.
He smiled broadly and practically sang out his answer. “I’m so thankful to be alive! I am thankful to God for the opportunity to serve the world, to help create more peace. Isn’t it great?” He further explained how we could look for the positives and move toward them or focus on the negatives; whatever we paid attention will loom bigger and bigger in our lives.
He wasn’t a Pollyanna, but a realistic optimist who was working on the path for good. He knew that he could do much more when he was thankful for the improvements and used what he learned to work on the other issues. He was instrumental in creating the University for Peace, a multicultural and multidisciplinary University dedicated to peace education with the Secretary General of the UN as the honorary president.
So what about you? During this season for giving thanks are you focusing on reasons to give thanks? I am sure if you looked, you will find grounds for doing so. Many years ago after my husband collapsed and died on the trails while mountain biking, I was devastated. Staying in my pajamas all day was all I wanted to do. I couldn’t think or work. The only thing that helped me slowly recover was what I forced myself to do each morning.
As soon as I woke up I had to think of five reasons why I am thankful. Oftentimes I could think of only very small things, no matter, by focusing on what I was grateful for gave me the perspective and strength to get up and try again.
It’s the season for giving thanks, may you dwell more on all your reasons to give thanks. Happy Thanksgiving.
Marilyn Tam is an international selling author, speaker, entrepreneur, humanitarian and former CEO of Aveda, President of Reebok Apparel Products & Retail Group and VP of Nike and the founder and Executive Director of Us Foundation.
Marilyn wrote her books, “How to Use What You’ve Got to Get What You Want” and “Living the Life of Your Dreams”, so that others can learn from the experiences and secrets of successful and happy people and from her own experience. You can find out more about Marilyn on her website www.MarilynTam.com and connect with her on facebook
How Happiness Can Help You Advance Your Career
The results are in. LinkedIn released the findings from their latest survey on career happiness at the Texas Conference for Women this past week. They surveyed more than 12,000 professionals, men and women, and found that 63 percent of professionals globally (66% of professionals in the U.S.) said they are “happy” or “very happy” with their current job.
Are you surprised by this large percentage? Quite frankly, I was. I also found it significant that 52% of the global respondents (52% of the U.S. respondents as well) believe that if they work hard and demonstrate results, they will advance in their company. In fact, there is a direct correlation between happiness at work and career advancement.
In her book, Happiness at Work: Maximizing Your Psychological Capital for Success, author Jessica Pryce-Jones states that her research on the subject revealed that happy people:
- Get promoted more.
- Earn more.
- Get more support.
- Generate better and more creative ideas
- Achieve goals faster
- Interact better with colleagues and bosses
- Receive superior reviews
- Learn more
- Achieve greater success
- Are healthier
Are we really all that happy at work?
There is no doubt that our current economy affects these results. LinkedIn’s Connection Director, Nicole Williams notes, “A tough economy can make professionals appreciate facets of their job they might otherwise overlook when business is booming,” said Williams.
Can we change our mindset if we are less than happy at work?
Author Pryce-Jones states that you can make yourself happier at work.
The easiest place to start is by being more mindful and aware of your situation. All that involves is stepping back to recognize how you feel in any given moment – and why. Doing this is one of the easiest ways to build your psychological capital and to protect it too…other people have an effect on how you feel and you’ll have an effect on them too. Being mindful of that is the first step towards understanding that although work can’t “make” you happy, you can make yourself happier at work.
There is also an increased awareness that the benefits of being happy are significant. Perhaps that is why there is such a surge of books on the topic lately. We understand the benefits and want to learn more about how we can increase our happiness. When we are happy, we are healthier. Happiness boosts our immune system. And now we also know that being happy at work has a positive impact on our performance and career advancement.
Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. ~A Schweitzer
Emotional Competence and Golf: A Lesson on How to be a Star Performer at Work
What is the connection between your golf game, your emotional competence, and your ability to succeed at work?
Bill Pennington’s article In the June 13th, 2011 edition of the New York Times Sports Section, entitled “When Golfers Overthink: The Science Behind the Choke”, makes it very clear that EQ is indeed a contributing factor for anyone who plays golf. Having a good set of readily available skills helps you navigate the potential negative “self talk” that might arise after a disappointing shot. What’s more, the utilization of those skills is indeed a fine harbinger of the good score that lies ahead. When implemented, the added advantage to the player is that the effort to constrain that blood flow to the amygdala can bring immediate gratification. In essence, he states that “Why some golfers succeed in these moments and others do not has largely been left to pop psychology. But in recent years, the awful truth – the choke – has met its scientific match”.
Pennington referenced research done by Sian Beilock, an associate professor at the University of Chicago with degrees in cognitive science, kinesiology and psychology. She had put hundreds of athletes under duress and identified the anatomy of a choke. Here are some of her findings:
Choking is not a lifetime curse. Experience at performing under pressure makes a significant difference. Practicing under even mild pressure helps prepare you for the more intense version of a championship-winning or match-winning. When you’re faced with a pressure shot, distracting yourself from the task at hand is helpful. Performing quickly in pressure situations leads to more success.
She further states that,
It is not the pressure in a pressure situation that distracts us into performing poorly. The pressure makes us worry and want to control our actions too much. And you cannot think your way through a routine, practiced action, like making a 3-foot putt.
How does this translate in the work environment?
We may or may not be in “choke” situations at work, but our negative self-talk can certainly sabotage our efforts to perform to our potential. Research indicates that the higher our level of EQ, the more successful we will be.
Optimal performance is experienced when a worker executes the basics of their profession while simultaneously showing a high level of EQ. In his book Working with Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman call this positive experience being in the “zone.” In their book The Power of Full Engagement, executive training program founders Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz reference this state as being in “flow.”
Bestselling author Daniel Goleman states:
The rules of work are changing. We’re being judged by a new yardstick: not just how smart we are, or by our training and expertise, but also by how well we handle each other and ourselves. The new rules predict who is most likely to become a star performer and who is most prone to derailing. The new measure takes for granted having enough intellectual ability and technical know-how to do our jobs; it focuses instead on personal qualities, such as initiative and empathy, adaptability and persuasiveness.
How can you improve your EQ to become a star performer on the golf course or at work?
One resource available is MYT Group LLC www.maximizeyourtalent.com. They have a nationwide MYT Express™ Program launching on November 16th with a 3 hour webinar featuring renowned Stanford University professor Dr. Fred Luskin. This session will be followed by a series of private coaching calls with MYT’s PH.D.’s. All of the details can be garnered on their website and any additional questions can be answered by writing to them at myt@usa.net.
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Being Comfortable in Our Own Skin
Two weeks ago, I attended a Saturday night wedding in Rye, New York. The location was spectacular. The bride and the wedding party were stunning! It was truly a lovely event. It would have been easy to get caught up in the celebration except for one thing. I was so uncomfortable in the strapless dress I was wearing, that I literally felt uncomfortable in my own skin.
Has that ever happened to you?
I think we instinctively know what feels right and authentic; what fits and what doesn’t. In this case, I was so uncomfortable that I couldn’t be myself that evening.
On the flip side, when we are connected to our authenticity, to who we really are, we truly experience not only joy, but personal power. It’s like being plugged in to an energy source that can never run out of juice.
Authenticity is about connecting to the real you. I don’t pretend that this is an easy task. From our childhood forward, we constantly receive mixed messages from our family, teachers, and friends about their expectations for us and what we they think we should do. As we strive to meet others’ expectations for us, we lose sight of who we really are and where we belong.
The insecurities we have can further complicate the issue for they cause us to focus more on others than ourselves. We think more about what we are NOT, than who we are and what we bring to the table. Have you ever wished you were thinner, or smarter, or more successful? When we do this we lose our authenticity and power.
In her new book, Take the Lead, author Betsy Meyers says, “Leadership is a function first and foremost of self-knowledge and honest self-reflection.” She believes that one of the most important aspects of good leadership is authenticity.
Authenticity simply means finding “the real me” within ourselves and being comfortable in our own skin. When you step into who you truly are, you access a source of inexhaustible power. People see you as real, and that causes them to feel a level of trust and confidence that no amount of spin or PR can possibly manufacture.
This connection to authenticity is an important factor in our success. Authentic people show up as genuine and elicit trust. Like them or not, we know where they stand and we trust them. There is no hidden agenda.When we show up as who we really are, we attract clients. People trust us and instinctively know w e are genuine. When we are connected to our value, it becomes much easier to market ourselves in the workplace to advance our careers or grow our business.
Taking the time to discover who we are can take some time and effort. Once we take this journey of self-reflection, however, we will not only be much more comfortable in our skin, but will reap the benefits in long term success and happiness.
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