You Are Much More Than Your Job
A few months ago, I received a call from a woman looking for help to position herself for employment. She had been out of work for 18 months having a baby and was now ready to begin the process of finding a job. So I asked her what she did. There was a long pause and then she replied in a soft voice. “This is my problem. I can’t talk about myself at all, let alone articulate why someone should hire me.”
Wow! I thought. This was an extreme case of someone who had identified herself with her job and because she had been away from it for a while, she was lost. She was no longer connected to what she believed was her identity and value (her job).
Most of us spend more time at work than we do with our families and friends. We work long hours and our jobs consume a tremendous amount of our energy and focus. It’s understandable that we begin to “become” our jobs, and it’s a challenge to separate our identity and value from our work. That being said, we need to take the time to understand what value we bring to the job and how our value benefits the company and our clients if we want to be successful in moving our careers and businesses forward.
We are much more than our jobs. If all of you reading this had the exact same background and experience, the same position in the same company, you would still be unique and special because of the way you DO your work. Each of us brings something different to our work that defines us and sets us apart. Zeroing in on how you “deliver” the work is the first clue to identifying your unique value proposition and what differentiates you.
Charlotte Beers, former CEO of Olgivy and Mather, writes in her new book, I’d Rather Be In Charge, that it’s not about the work, but the way you deliver the work.
The way you deliver the work comes from an interior place. You know all about the exterior you; it’s right there on your resume. But your delivery is about the essence of who you become when you’re at work, your deepest, truest self sent out to play in the field of work.
Delivery means the way you get your work in front of the right people. It’s how you manage to get the work used properly and, drum roll please, ‘appreciated’.
Ask yourself this: How do you “deliver” the work? What is your contribution? This is your value and identity that will follow you to any job or any company because it’s not about the job, it’s YOU.
When you want to promote or position yourself for a job or attract new clients, remember this. Your value and how it benefits others is what people want to know about; not just what you do but how you do it.
The Best Advice My Mother Gave Me
In honor of Mother’s Day, I thought it would be fun to share some of these quotes I found after doing some research on Mother’s Day.
I hope you enjoy them!
The best advice my mother ever gave to me was: ‘Strivers achieve what dreamers believe. If you put your mind to it, you can do it. Be careful what you wish for because you might get it. And, listen to me, I’ve been through it already.
Usher, singer. Mother: Jonnetta Patton
When I was young, my mother always used to quote to me First Corinthians 15:33 which, paraphrased, says bad associations spoil youthful habits. As I came to understand, what my mom was telling me was to be careful who you let into your life. That one piece of advice has saved me countless heart aches, and I’ve never forgotten it to this day.
Gerald Levert, singer: Mother: Martha L. Levert
My mom once told me to always believe in yourself. Even if your chances are slim, or everyone else doesn’t believe in that, people will look up to you because you’re sticking to what you believe in, and they will admire that in you. That was the best advice I ever got from my mom.
Lorin, 12, Pennsylvania
Be happy. For we have only one life and that too is very short.
Jyoti, Surat
The best advice my mother ever gave me is “Don’t let other people make the choices for you and don’t let no one push you around.
Gabriela, 11, Canada
My mom is always telling me to be independent and follow my dreams and I will live a good, happy life.
Chris, 12, Alabama
When I was young and dating men, my mom always told me to watch how my boyfriends treated their mothers. She said they would treat me the same way. I found this to be so true. I have a husband who thought the world of his mom and shows that same love to me. It’s the best advice my mom ever gave me.
Mary Bentrup
What was the best advice you received from your mother?
Have a wonderful Mother’s Day!
Bonnie
Do You Need Stress in Your Life to Reach Your Full Potential?
We live in an age of great stress. We are bombarded daily with more information than we can possibly assimilate, and we are always connected to this flow of information with our iPhone, Blackberry’s and computers. There is no end to the information that is at our finger tips 24/7. It seems there is no place to hide either. Our personal and professional lives are now publicly displayed across the Internet. The job market is tough, the economy weak, and competition for advancement has increased dramatically with more and more highly educated women in the workforce. And many of us are trying to balance our careers with a family as well.
It would seem only logical that we should strive to eliminate the stress in our lives in order to achieve more equilibrium, health, and happiness.
I thought it was interesting, therefore, to read a recent post, Stress is Not Your Enemy, by Tony Schwartz in Harvard Business Review that states that we need stress in our lives in order to reach our full potential.
Tony says, “Subjecting yourself to stress is the only way to systematically get stronger — physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. And you’ll get weaker if you don’t.”
This is the “use it or lose it” mentality that maintains that if you don’t exercise your mind and body “muscles”, you will atrophy and, as a consequence, will not be able to grow and improve.
We live by the myth that stress is the enemy in our lives. The real enemy is our failure to balance stress with intermittent rest. Push the body too hard for too long — chronic stress — and the result will indeed be burnout and breakdown. But subject the body to insufficient stress, and it will weaken and atrophy.
Few of us push ourselves nearly hard enough to realize our potential, nor do we rest, sleep, and renew nearly as deeply or for as long as we should.
The real message here is that moving outside your comfort zone can be stressful, but it also allows you to increase your skill set to advance your career. Stretching yourself to take on new responsibilities at work, volunteering for high profile projects, speaking up in meetings and voicing your opinions when you’d rather keep silent can certainly be stressful, but if you want to get out of the trenches and move your career forward, it’s important to take the leap even though it gives you some anxiety initially.
Tony Schwartz’s point is that we need to do these things to grow personally and professionally but we also need to learn how to better manage our stress and know when it’s right to take a break and rest. We are not going to eliminate all the stress from our lives, but we can certainly learn to control our reaction to stressful situations so that it does not derail us.
This Wednesday, May 9th, at noon EDT, Dr. Fred Luskin from Stanford University will be my guest on GPS Your Career: A Woman’s Guide to Success to discuss the simple techniques we can all do to manage the effect stress has on our personal and professional lives. I hope you can join us.
Do You Work For A Corporate Bully?
We hear a lot these days about bullying, mostly with teenagers. There seems to be a news story every week with some tragic incident due to cyber bullying. As parents, this is very upsetting and of course, no one wants their children to be subject to this type of behavior, but how many of us are also the target of bullying at work? Do you work for a corporate bully?
According to Susan Annunzio, CEO of the Center for High Performance in Chicago, here are the warning signs:
- If you disagree with him/her, you are labeled “incompetent”, “risk-averse”, a “naysayer”.
- They fall in love with an idea, position or deal and won’t listen to anyone else’s point of view.
- In your meetings, there is little room for disagreement or debate. It’s their way or the highway.
- Your accomplishments are never recognized.
- You are afraid to let him/her know any bad news, so you don’t say anything.
- You must always acknowledge their being right.
- They have a sense of superiority.
- You are always blamed when things go wrong. They never take any credit for their part.
- They never admit mistakes or apologize.
- You always seem to be in this game of “gotcha” and under a microscope.
We are often outraged when we hear about children being bullied, so I am curious how many of you subject yourselves to this every day in the workplace?
Experts will tell you to not get caught up in the emotions of these toxic relationships and make sure that you take care of yourself first and foremost and focus on your work and have gratitude for the other wonderful things in your life, but how do you do that? We spend so much of our time at work; so much of our identity and self-esteem is related to our performance, so it is easy to see how working with a bully can have a damaging effect to our health and well-being and also our careers. If you feel stuck in a bad situation, one that you don’t have a lot of control to change, you can literally “quit” giving your best, speaking your opinions, bringing any creativity and enthusiasm to your work. This is toxic to your career and your future.
So what do you do? How do you work around bullies at work? Well, if detaching emotionally is still not helping you and you find this is affecting your health, sleep, and happiness, I would initiate an exit plan and begin to look for other opportunities either in the company or with another organization. It’s a shame. Maybe this company is great and you have a pension and you don’t want to really leave. You feel like a victim. Sometimes you need to make a move. It may not be what you wanted, but you have only one life and one career. Find a place where your unique value and talent is appreciated and you will thrive professionally and personally.
Do you work for a corporate bully? Are you doing anything about it?
Tune in this Wednesday at noon EDT to GPS Your Career: A Woman’s Guide to Success, when I discuss executive bullying with my guest, Susan Annunzio.
Do Your Feelings About Money Hold You Back From Making Money?
Our feelings about money can be a very complicated issue. Most of us want to make enough money to maintain our lifestyle and pay our bills. Some of us look at our income as validation of our success and continually strive to make more money. Many of us shy away from the subject of money and don’t want to embrace the fact that money can be a positive force in their lives. 
Whatever your attitude about money is, it’s important to understand how it plays into your business and career success. In fact, your “money mindset” can help you be successful and live in abundance or it can continually sabotage your efforts to make a decent living.
I grew up in an upper middle class family in a wealthy suburb of New York City. We lived in a beautiful home, belonged to a country club, and my parents traveled all over the world. I didn’t lack any thing. I had dance lessons, music lessons, went to camp, went to the best schools. However, I thought we were poor. Honestly, I always thought we were on the verge of poverty. Why? Because my father, a child of the depression, instilled in my mother, my brother, and myself the belief that there was never enough money in our household. That was not true. It was his attitude and it became my attitude. The belief that there would never be enough money started in my childhood.
Years later, I realized where my belief system originated and how it was sabotaging me in my business and worked vigorously to change my mindset (and continue to work on it every day). One great resource who helped me change my mindset about money is David Neagle and I have adopted his mantra that “making money is part of my spiritual path”. There are many resources available and I strongly suggest you find a coach or mentor to help you through this because negative feelings about money can literally hold you back from a successful business or career.
Money means a lot of different things to different people, but to me it represents freedom, the freedom from worrying about paying my bills and to live my life the way I choose to live. I realize now that I have much to offer and that my talent is a gift that I offer others to help them be successful. Yes, money is the end result but because I understand my value and how I can help others, I no longer focus all my energy on the lack of money. Money is no longer a mental roadblock for me. I know that by helping professional women achieve their goals, feel self-confident and empowered by their unique value, I will be successful. Their success is my success.
What are your feelings about money? Are they working for you?
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