Is Thinking BIG About Your Business or Career Like Bragging?
It’s common knowledge that many people have issues with boastful people. We have a bias against those who seem “full of themselves” and constantly let everyone know how wonderful they are. If the person happens to be a woman, there is even more of a negative reaction to her lack of humility.
If you follow my work and my blog, you know that I help professional women identify and connect with their value and talent and thereby gain
the confidence to promote themselves. (This isn’t bragging or boasting, by the way, but authentically talking about your accomplishments and value proposition.) There is much evidence that communicating your value helps you to advance your career and get more clients.
If you understand your value proposition, what plan do you have to offer your gifts and talent to the world? I mean, what is your BIG plan for your business or career? Do you dare to go there?
I believe that we think small because we are afraid that if we let others know the dreams we have for ourselves, people will think we are “full of ourselves”. We may get the skeptical looks, the rolling eyes, the “are you kidding me?” look. Who do you think you are that you could achieve that?
Well, guess what? If we think small, we stay small. If we keep our ordinary story, we stay ordinary. (I am borrowing that from Suzanne Evans. I just spent three amazing days at her Be The Change Event where I heard this over and over again.) If we want to be extraordinary, then we need to ditch our ordinary story for a bigger one, and we need to be able to articulate that new big story with the same confidence we do our value proposition.
Everything changes when you understand your value. This includes your story and your plans for your career and business. Don’t be afraid to dream big. Don’t be ashamed to create a new big story that expands the way you offer your unique value to the world. It’s not bragging. It’s simply you acknowledging that you have these gifts. It’s simply you understanding your value and believing that you can achieve great success because of it.
What’s your extraordinary story?
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Emotional Competence and Golf: A Lesson on How to be a Star Performer at Work
What is the connection between your golf game, your emotional competence, and your ability to succeed at work?
Bill Pennington’s article In the June 13th, 2011 edition of the New York Times Sports Section, entitled “When Golfers Overthink: The Science Behind the Choke”, makes it very clear that EQ is indeed a contributing factor for anyone who plays golf. Having a good set of readily available skills helps you navigate the potential negative “self talk” that might arise after a disappointing shot. What’s more, the utilization of those skills is indeed a fine harbinger of the good score that lies ahead. When implemented, the added advantage to the player is that the effort to constrain that blood flow to the amygdala can bring immediate gratification. In essence, he states that “Why some golfers succeed in these moments and others do not has largely been left to pop psychology. But in recent years, the awful truth – the choke – has met its scientific match”.
Pennington referenced research done by Sian Beilock, an associate professor at the University of Chicago with degrees in cognitive science, kinesiology and psychology. She had put hundreds of athletes under duress and identified the anatomy of a choke. Here are some of her findings:
Choking is not a lifetime curse. Experience at performing under pressure makes a significant difference. Practicing under even mild pressure helps prepare you for the more intense version of a championship-winning or match-winning. When you’re faced with a pressure shot, distracting yourself from the task at hand is helpful. Performing quickly in pressure situations leads to more success.
She further states that,
It is not the pressure in a pressure situation that distracts us into performing poorly. The pressure makes us worry and want to control our actions too much. And you cannot think your way through a routine, practiced action, like making a 3-foot putt.
How does this translate in the work environment?
We may or may not be in “choke” situations at work, but our negative self-talk can certainly sabotage our efforts to perform to our potential. Research indicates that the higher our level of EQ, the more successful we will be.
Optimal performance is experienced when a worker executes the basics of their profession while simultaneously showing a high level of EQ. In his book Working with Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman call this positive experience being in the “zone.” In their book The Power of Full Engagement, executive training program founders Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz reference this state as being in “flow.”
Bestselling author Daniel Goleman states:
The rules of work are changing. We’re being judged by a new yardstick: not just how smart we are, or by our training and expertise, but also by how well we handle each other and ourselves. The new rules predict who is most likely to become a star performer and who is most prone to derailing. The new measure takes for granted having enough intellectual ability and technical know-how to do our jobs; it focuses instead on personal qualities, such as initiative and empathy, adaptability and persuasiveness.
How can you improve your EQ to become a star performer on the golf course or at work?
One resource available is MYT Group LLC www.maximizeyourtalent.com. They have a nationwide MYT Express™ Program launching on November 16th with a 3 hour webinar featuring renowned Stanford University professor Dr. Fred Luskin. This session will be followed by a series of private coaching calls with MYT’s PH.D.’s. All of the details can be garnered on their website and any additional questions can be answered by writing to them at myt@usa.net.
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S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G Your Comfort Zone
I truly enjoy working out. My favorite activity is running outside. I also work out regularly in the gym. What has always been a challenge for me is s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g.
If you are a yogi and can naturally put your foot behind your head or sit in a pigeon for hours without groaning, I don’t think you’ll be able to relate to this post. However, if you’re like me and you enjoy being active every day and are constantly challenged by the amount of time you can devote to your physical activity and will do almost anything to avoid stretching, you are my soul mate.
Sitting in meetings all day, commuting into the city, regular airline travel (ugh!) add to my overall stiffness. Certainly being positioned in front of a computer all day doesn’t help either! This is when I need to stretch the most, but it’s also when it hurts the most.
I was able to make a yoga class this weekend and listened carefully when the instructor said to pay attention to your body. If you are in a pose and something hurts, that’s most likely where you need the stretch the most and where your body puts up the most resistance. And he’s so right!
So I started to think about stretching in general; not just our bodies but stretching our comfort zones in our professional lives. Does the same theory apply? Is it valid that the more we need to stretch to learn new skills and take on more responsibilities, the more it hurts (i.e. the more we resist)?
There is no doubt that we are all more content in our comfort zone. We feel accomplished and productive. We are terrific at what we do. So it is natural that when we are faced with challenges that push us out of this comfort zone, we resist on some level. Perhaps we fear failure and that would certainly hurt. Perhaps we resist learning something new because our ego is so attached to doing it our way.
Whatever the reasons may be, it’s important to note that pushing yourself out of your comfort zone at work is just as important as stretching your body to maintain your health and fitness. Certainly, volunteering for high profile projects and taking on more responsibility at work all contribute to learning some new skills to add to your resume and will help you to advance your career.
Next time you go to stretch your calf muscles or hamstrings, remind yourself that you also need to stretch yourself at work if you want to advance your career. It may hurt a little at first, but just like the physical stretch it will benefit you in the long run.
What Do You Do When a Door of Opportunity Opens?
There has been a lot written recently about women’s innate ability to lead. One reason that is consistently mentioned is that women are more risk adverse than men. Many thought leaders believe that because women are more cautious, they make better decisions. I believe there is some validity in this especially if you look at the recent events on Wall Street. It’s only speculation of course, but there is a widely held opinion that if there was more diversity at the leadership and board level, this current economic crisis might have been averted. Who knows?
Can this cautious outlook sometimes work against us? It is possible, in my opinion, to be so cautious that you never move forward in your business or career. Being overly cautious can paralyze you.
Almost every major milestone in my own career has been due to me taking an enormous leap of faith and trying something new; something perhaps I was not totally prepared for but decided to embrace regardless. When a door opened, I ran through it and never worried how I would master what was required to be successful in this new opportunity. I’m not saying that every time I took a risk, it worked out well. There have been times that I have fallen flat on my face. When this happens, it’s important to dust yourself off, gather your wits about you, and start all over again. In other words, never let your failures prevent you from learning a lesson, picking yourself up, and seizing the next opportunity that comes along with the same passion and energy.
What is the essential ingredient we all need to have in order to take a risk? Self confidence! Self confidence fuels your persistence and determination and helps propel you through any open door. In fact, with enough self confidence, you won’t even wait until a door of opportunity opens for you, you’ll go find it!
It’s critical for your success, whether you are an entrepreneur or corporate professional, to periodically connect with your value and talent to establish and grow your foundation of self confidence. This, in my opinion, is the secret to success.
We need to periodically connect with our value and talent because we often take our accomplishments for granted. We lose that connection to what is unique and wonderful about us. Do whatever it takes to honor your accomplishments and ability. One suggestion I make repeatedly is to keep a success journal and record all your accomplishments and review your entries each week, celebrate your achievements, and think about what these successes say about you. This will fuel your self confidence and your ability to take on new opportunities, which, in turn, will lead to career and business success.
Self confidence is the secret of success.
Wisdom from Seth Godin
Seth Godin has a new book out called Linchpin in which he talks about our “lizard brain”, that part of our brain that holds all our fears and limiting beliefs. The Lizard brain keeps us from doing our most creative work and often signals us to stay in our comfort zone and not take risks.
This audio is a 45 minute presentation that Seth did in New York last week. He talks about how these fears sabotage us.
I really love the story he tells about an employee he had in his company years ago who never failed at anything he did. He was his best employee, but Seth spoke with him and said if you don’t fail at something soon, you’re fired! Why? Because we all need to stretch and take risks to truly be creative and successful and distinguish ourselves from others.
Listen to the wisdom and let me know what you think. How do you tame your lizard brain?
Give Yourself a Pep Talk
Do you ever wonder how elite athletes like Tiger Woods or Roger Federer stay focused; how they manage to maintain their peak performance? I marvel at their ability to recover after a bad shot or a lost match; their resilience and ability to let go and forget their poor performance and come back with strength and fortitude.
How do they accomplish this? Well, almost all professional athletes work with coaches to re-program their thinking. Successful athletes think positively and use positive self-talk and affirmations to build their self esteem and confidence.
Athletes, like many of us, are subject to memories of previous events where they fell short in some fashion. These memories of past failures affect the present state of mind and cause us to believe that we will repeat the failure when presented with the same type of scenario. Sports coaches helps athletes to recall early images of success and focus on the positive to build basic confidence. They often assist athletes with creating positive self-talk and affirmations to counter the negative thoughts and feelings. This helps athletes to believe in themselves and stay focused on success.
We can use the same methodology to be successful. When you work on your own positive self-talk and affirmations stay focused on the immediate goals at hand and stay in the present. Recognize the negative thoughts when they occur and reprogram your internal dialogue to positive statements.
Give yourself a pep talk and you will achieve your goals. Focus on your previous successes and believe that you will win again.
Fear of Failure
Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish—-Ovid
What great wisdom from a Roman poet. But how often are we willing to take risks and take chances? It’s pretty scary, right?
Have you thought about what your business would look like if you had NO fear of failure and rejection? Fear is such a powerful obstacle for most of us and the reality is that this fear constantly holds us back from success.
In theory, the solution seems so simple. Just put your fears aside and march gallantly out into the world with your message. We all know that it is simply not that simple. Many of us are terrified. If we all had the ability to overcome our fears, success would be achievable for everyone who seeks it.
We cannot escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us on all our exciting adventures….Take a risk a day-one small or bold stroke that will make you feel great once you have done it.—Susan Jeffers.
I love this quote because the goal of completely eliminating all our fears is daunting. Why not make fear a friend who accompanies us through life but never holds us back? It’s OK to acknowledge that you are frightened, but when you let fear control the accelerator, it is very difficult to move forward.
What are some of your fears about promoting yourself and your business or your current job position?
- fear of rejection
- fear of making a fool of yourself
- fear that someone will find out you’re really not that good
- perfectionism
- fear that people won’t like you
- fear of success
Let’s recognize that we all have some of these fears and let’s recognize that these fears are preventing us from getting out there and promoting ourselves effectively.
What would your business look like if you were willing to make fear your companion and not your gatekeeper?
Can you take one small risk each day to promote yourself?
What is the worst thing that can happen? You might just catch that fish!!!
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Sell Yourself and Your Services: How to Feel Comfortable with Self Promotion.
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