Coping with Fear and Anxiety
This is a guest post from Art DeLorenzo, CFP, ChFC, CLU, MSFS, a retired Group Vice President at a Fortune Magazine top 100 firm and Frederic Luskin, Ph.D. a psychologist at Stanford University. Mr. DeLorenzo, Dr. Luskin and Dr. Rick Aberman are co- owners of MYT Group, LLC. MYT is an emotional competence development programs. Details about this program can be found at www.maximizeyourtalent.com.
Here are some thoughts and tips on how to cope with fear and anxiety to help people understand the impact that fear and anxiety have on them physiologically and emotionally and then some steps to help deal with those feelings.
Things to Know:
1. It is natural to feel anxious during financially stressful times so do not think that you are alone or that you are odd. It is natural and there is nothing wrong with you for thinking in an anxious way. A recent TV interview between Donny Deutsch & financial newscaster Larry Kudlow revealed that Mr. Kudlow was no more prepared for the onset of the recent market collapse than you and I were.
2. It is natural for the brain to create fear and anxiety. Therefore experts surmise the brain is trying to protect us by bringing a difficult situation like the economic crisis to our awareness. When in our awareness the brain is saying find a solution because there is something wrong here. You can read more about this in Margaret Wehrenberg’s book “The Anxious Brain”.
3. Psychologists distinguish between fear – which has a specific cause (the Saber Tooth Tiger finds you in the woods) and anxiety whose cause is more general and vague.
4. Anxiety creates cognitive distortions according to Myra S. White a clinical instructor at Harvard Medical School who focuses on workplace performance. Cognitive distortion weakens our judgment which causes decision-making to be impaired. Bottom line – we make more mistakes.
5. When we experience cognitive impairment from anxiety we do not listen as well and instructions need to be repeated more often and our memory is weaker.
6. When we are cognitively impaired we tend to have shorter fuses and we often feel impatient.
7. When we are cognitively impaired we tend to obsess about the past and/or worry about the future both of which impair our present performance.
8. If during a stressful time like this you are not cognitively impaired, you may become so if someone else in our office has high anxiety. That occurs through a process known as emotional contagion according to Professor Sigal G. Barsdale associate management professor at the Wharton School of Pennsylvania.
9. Anxiety wrecks havoc on the body and the mind according to psychologist Dr. White.
10. According to a study released by CNN in mid March of 2009, 8 of 10 Americans are experiencing stress over the economy as evidenced by their concern over their jobs and their perceived loss of their life style.
What can you do?
1. Encourage your people to express their anxieties openly so that leaders can provide honest information about what is occurring. The leader of the group can convene a meeting so that individuals have an open opportunity to share their thoughts and fears. Set a start time for the meeting and an end time. Explain that once the meeting is over, everyone is advised that “worry time” is over until the next meeting and productivity time is at hand.
2. Be strategic about your anxiety. When you experience it, acknowledge it and then practice stress management so that you can move on. Take two or three slow deep breaths into and out of your belly and relax.
3. When you catch yourself back in your anxious spot, remind yourself that you were there before and it is not necessary to remain there. As a practice: Consider the difference between the mind, the brain, & the body. The mind controls what the brain does. So if you remind your brain, to be grateful or optimistic it will do just that. When you do this the body receives less stress hormones and your mind stays clear. Imagine then your body says to your brain, wow, less adrenaline…thank you.
4. Remind yourself on a regular basis that right now you are fine. You are healthy. Your loved ones are healthy. You have food, water, and shelter. Today, at this moment, there are no real threats to your safety and the safety of your family. Fear is not needed and you have the tools to deal with your anxiety.
5. Create a meditation and or regular exercise routine. Both produce natural mood elevators that will dispel the symptoms of anxiety according to Dr. White.
Some of this information came from a NY Times article written by Phyllis Korkki on Sunday, October 19th on page 11 in the Business Section.
Work/Life Balance is Not a Just for Women
With the advent of birth control in the 1960’s, women had a choice for the first time. They could plan their family/career path strategically. Often women started their careers and then took time to have a family. Whether or not they returned to their previous careers, they did have choices.
But with more and more mothers in the workforce who contributed to the income of the family, discussions began around work/life balance and how best to manage both a career and family. Women were still responsible for most of the childcare and housework along with their jobs. It became obvious that to do it all at the same time was a difficult, if not impossible task. The emphasis on self-care for women and work/life balance became a hot topic.
The lack of flexible work solutions, therefore, was initially focused on women who wanted options for balancing career and family. This assumed little if no participation from their male counterparts in childrearing. The lack of flexible work solutions was also tagged as an obstacle to women’s advancement in business as more and more women were forced to drop their careers to seek better alternatives than their companies were offering.
The concept of flexibility is emerging now as a gender neutral issue that focuses more on the need for everyone, male and female, to have a more flexible, healthy workplace. Flexibility is not just related to working mom stress as more and more men share household responsibilities. It encompasses alternative work solutions such as part time work, job sharing, telecommunting, on site child care. Men are now more interested in having options to take time off whether it’s for childcare, elder care, or personal pursuits.
Businesses are becoming increasingly aware that there is a business case around flexibility in terms of reduced overhead, improved recruitment and retention of talented employees. as well as the importance of a flexible work force.
To learn more about the options and benefits of flex at work, listen to my interview with Karol Rose, Chief Knowledge Officer at Flexpaths. www.flexpaths.com.
Re-discover Your Inner Child
Whenever I hear people talk about re-discovering their inner child, I have noticed more often than not that it’s about connecting with the innocence and joy of childhood. Usually the quest to re-discover our inner child is focused on incorporating more playfulness and happiness in our lives. It’s a call to “lighten up”. And boy, do we most of us need this!
I’m a business coach and I help women achieve their professional and personal goals. Setting intentions, creating action plans are all part of my coaching work. But I’ve noticed more and more lately, that the more we push to accomplish our goals, the less we accomplish unless we incorporate joy in our lives as well. Quite simply, we need to “lighten up”.
Is it OK then to set our intentions, create goals and then just let them go? No, of course not. We should do the daily work, take the necessary steps toward reaching our goals. But as we perform the tasks, keep in mind that plodding through our work each day is not the sum total of our existence. We take ourselves way too seriously. Finding ways to connect with your inner child, to incorporate joy in your life is another important part of any daily plan.
Set your intentions and visualize your success every day. If you are someone who requires structure, then set aside time each day to do an activity that brings you joy, that will give you some distance from your work. I find that sometimes these foster our most creative moments.
Think about moments in your early childhood when you experienced the true bliss of life. What were you doing? What did that feel like? How can you re-create that feeling?
It’s that feeling of joy that fuels our life energy and our success. The best path to success still includes planning and hard work, but what fuels our continual determination and productivity? What keeps us motivated and moving forward?
Connect with your inner child and re-discover that joy and you will reach your goals faster. It will provide the energy to move you forward in whatever direction you choose.
How do you bring joy into your life? I would love to hear from you.
Are the “Shoulds” Getting You Down?
As women, we are continuously striving for work/life balance because we believe it’s possible. All the subject matter experts (myself NOT included) tell us that we can achieve balance in our lives and we should make every effort to create this equilibrium for ourselves. It is doable.
We are all superwomen. As a result, we have an ongoing list of things we “should” do for our career and our family/personal life. We seem to punish ourselves with this list of “shoulds”. The “shoulds” contribute to our guilt on a daily basis and we often give more focus to what we “should” have done or “should ” do instead of everything we have accomplished.
I propose that we create a different type of list; a list of things that we choose NOT to do. This new approach is a powerful guilt-free antidote to the “shoulds” for we are CHOOSING not to do the things on the list. I choose NOT to volunteer to make brownies for the class picnic. I choose NOT to do the laundry before work this week. I choose NOT to stay late at work one night a week. I will NOT have the dinner party this weekend.
So many of our “shoulds” actually add very little value to our lives. Take a look at your list and see if you agree. So why do we persist on focusing on them everyday?
Let’s try to let the “shoulds” go. Take back your power and intention and focus on your accomplishments and success. Don’t beat yourself up with guilt. Try a new approach and create a list of what YOU CHOOSE NOT TO DO.
The choice is yours!
A Day to Honor Mothers Everywhere
It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. ~ from the television show The Golden Girls
This post today is to honor all my clients, colleagues, friends, and family who are mothers. Words can barely express my admiration for all the wonderful talented women that I have the good fortune of knowing through business and pleasure.
Everyday, I speak with women who are balancing their roles as mother, wife, and business woman. They accomplish this with elegance and grace. Their daily routine of running a household, running a business, and running around to baseball practice and games, piano lessons, hockey, girl scouts, dance lessons etc. seems effortless. They are on auto pilot most of the time and manage to make it through their busy schedules and keep everyone happy. It is truly amazing to see. How do we as mothers manage to focus on our profession and family and do everything so well?
Of course, we are not perfect though we try so hard to achieve perfection. We expend a lot of energy attempting to keep the many different balls in the air and hope that nothing drops. Most of the time, we are as near to perfection as is humanly possible. Super heroines!
Each role that we take on as women whether it’s motherhood or career or relationship partner and spouse is a really a full time job and we are constantly under pressure (though most of it self-directed) to perform all these roles perfectly (or at least to the best of our abilities). We rarely let any one down.
So let’s take the time today to honor our mothers and also to acknowledge OURSELVES as mothers and give OURSELVES credit for being the amazing women that we are!
Happy Mother’s Day!
Bonnie
8 Tips to Prepare for Your Performance Review
Performance reviews are a great opportunity to highlight your accomplishments and talk about your contribution to the organization. Always be prepared. The worst thing you can do is to walk into a performance review cold.
Here are some simple tips to set the stage for a great review that showcases your talent and value.
- Outline your progress over the last year. If you have been journaling about your accomplishments, you have already started an ongoing performance review. This journal gives you the hard data you need to show what you have done. Start a journal NOW, in preparation for your review.
- Don’t let your manager control the entire review and do all the talking. Make sure that you are prepared to tell your boss what you want him/her to hear. When you are prepared, you can present yourself in the most positive manner.
- Think of your review as an opportunity to speak about your value to the company and your unique talent.
- Create a conversational message that summarizes all your accomplishments and gives specific examples.
- Graciously accept compliments. Do NOT deflect any praise that comes your way. Do NOT put yourself down. Present yourself as a valuable person who deserves the credit for the good work you’ve done.
- Don’t be defensive if some negative comments come up. Just acknowledge and focus on your strengths.
- Practice your message beforehand.
- Smile. This is your opportunity to shine.
Need practice with your positive self-talk? Check out the Friday morning breakfast brag club or enroll now in the May teleclass.
The Power of Positive Self-Talk
In the fun interactive group class you will:
- Explore your limiting beliefs around positive self-talk
- Connect with your value and talent
- Practice positive self-talk to build your self-esteem.
3 one hour sessions consecutive Tuesday evenings 7-8pm EDT
May 5, May 12, May 19th
$125. Register before 4/30 for $99
May Group Teleclass
The Case for Levity
This is a guest post from my friend and very talented colleague, Katie West.
You know the drill. Head down, nose to the grindstone, work first and play later. Sure, there is merit and reward in focus and drive. They are crucial skills that help us attain our goals. But what happens when we realize that our drive and determination have driven us right into the ground? It is hard to meet our goals or enjoy their achievement if we have been left so ragged by stress and exhaustion that we are barely standing, much less smiling and laughing.
By constantly prioritizing values that drain us, without re-supplying ourselves with values such as joy, play, and fun which serve to energize and rejuvenate us, it becomes increasingly harder to find the power necessary to make significant progress towards our goals.
One way to think of it is to imagine putting your hand very close in front of your face. It is hard to focus on our hand because of how close it is to our eyes. Now, move it out as far as your arm will reach. It becomes much easier to focus on it and discern the details of it, right? The importance of levity in our lives is that it provides that critical distance and perspective we need in order to view our experience. By placing emphasis on lightness, joy, and possibility in our lives, we are able to be more productive, creative, and energetic in our responses to our work and home lives.
Sometimes people still hold firmly to the notion that fun and levity prevent or slow down efficiency. Studies show that the opposite is true. Companies who value fun and play in the workplace, rank higher in surveys of workplace satisfaction. Also, the same companies repeatedly tend to be more successful in their overall goals.
Levity boosts our ability to think outside the box and be able to generate the innovative solutions necessary to solve a problem. We stand out from the crowd. It is an easy choice when we think about it: Either working with someone who complains, uses their intelligence to find flaws, and rarely smiles OR working alongside someone that readily shares their positive spirit, their zest for a particular project, or whose creative ideas inspire you.
How can we bring a little more levity and joy into our lives during such a challenging time in our society?
First step, we have to choose to bring this powerful energy into our lives and this means we are willing to seek it out in full confidence it will help us live our lives better, perform more optimally, and create a climate of wellness within us.
A couple of simple ideas for more joy, possibility, and lightness in our days:
Watch a movie that you find funny.
Practice laughing (it is okay if you are faking it-you still get the happy benefits) on your drive or walk to work by pretending you are listening to something funny on the radio or pretending you are on the phone having a funny conversation.
Call a friend and leave a laughing message on their voice mail and ask them to do the same.
Write 3 things you are grateful for each day.
What ways can you bring levity into your life?
Katie West is The Levity Coach. http://levitycoaching.com
How Many Hats Can a Woman Wear in One Day?
No, this isn’t a riddle! We wear so many hats during the course of one day that it’s quite remarkable. How do we do it so effortlessly? Have you ever thought about all the different roles you play? There are probably way too many to mention in one blog post, however, since my intention is to give all women a much needed pat on the back and recognition for all they accomplish, I am going to give this a try.
Early Morning
- Housekeeper
- Caterer/short order cook
- Drill Sargent
- Chauffeur
- Event Planner
- Commuter
- Athlete (did you get your gym time in?)
Work
- Correspondent
- Visionary
- Leader
- Manager
- Customer Service Representative
- Computer whiz
- Team Player
- Mentor/coach
- Task Master
- Negotiator
- Marketing Director
- Salesperson
- Bookkeeper
- HR Director
- Peacekeeper
- Researcher
- Worker Bee
- Cheerleader
- Speaker/Presenter
- Humorist
- Nurse
- Therapist
Evening
- All of early morning activities again
- Disciplinarian
- Personal Shopper
- Laundress
- Librarian
- Sports Fan
- Teacher
- Activist/Community member
- Story teller
- Babysitter
- Entertainer
- Companion, lover, partner, mother, sister, daughter, friend
WHEW! It really is quite remarkable how many different hats we can wear during the course of one day and how we can switch those hats so effortlessly. We are FABULOUS!
I know this isn’t everything. What did I miss? I would love to hear your feedback and be able to add to the list!
Join the Friday Breakfast Brag Club (TGIF)
Share and Celebrate your weekly successes by calling in each Friday 8-8:30 am EDT and practice your positive self-talk. This is a FUN way to end your work week.
Just $29.99 per month for all the self-esteem boosting you can take!
http://womenssuccesscoaching.com/services/group-coaching
How to Stay Marketable in a Down Economy
How do you stay marketable in a down economy? Promote your personal brand.
When it comes to selling yourself, you should follow the same guidelines that you use when selling any product or service. Take an objective point of view, do an assessment of the product (you), create an effective pitch, and develop a sales plan.
1. Know Your Product.
Do an assessment of yourself and get to know yourself as the “product”.
What are your strengths?
List 3-5 personality pluses and how these traits have helped you in your current and past positions.
List 3-5 recent accomplishments. What do these accomplishments say about you?
2. What is your sales pitch for your product?
Create your own personal pitch.
Answer these questions:
What is my story? my history?
What differentiates me? What special qualities do I have and why are they marketable?
How have these qualities helped me be successful in the past?
What are my features and benefits?
i.e. I am tenacious and what that means to my employer is that they can count on me to stay focused and complete my assigned projects.
3. Create Your Sales Plan
What is your career goal for the next 6-12 months?
Create action items to help you reach your goal.
Identify people you need to be in front of consistently. How will you accomplish that? Set timeframes and identify resources needed if any.
What organizations should you join/attend? What committee should you volunteer for?
What special projects should you take on?
4. Go out there and sell yourself.
Always be prepared 24/7 to talk about your accomplishments.
Consistently work your sales plan and stay in front of your “web of influence”, your important contacts.
Stay visible. Stay positive. Stay focused.
Approach selling yourself and your own personal brand with the enthusiasm and confidence your “product” deserves. You are the best possible “product”. Go out there and let everyone know what you’ve got!
Want to practice your positive self-talk?
NEW Group staring in April
Friday morning Breakfast Brag Club (TGIF)
Thank Goodness I’m Fabulous!!!
8-8:30 am EDT every Friday morning
check it out: http://womenssuccesscoaching.com/services/group-coaching/
Love Yourself
It’s Valentine’s Day week and love is in the air. What better time to celebrate ourselves?
This holiday we engage in the tradition of sending our love to our friends, family, and significant others with sentimental cards, gifts, chocolate, jewelry, etc. We often spend Valentine’s Day doing romantic things for our loved ones; special candlelit dinners, good wine and food, or maybe a weekend away for two in a cozy inn.
We can often overlook how special and wonderful we are.
Here is my Valentine gift to all of you.
- “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~ Lucille Ball
- “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha
- “Don’t forget to love yourself.” ~ Soren Kierkegaard
- “You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.” ~ Unknown
- “The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~ Sonya Friedman
- “Self-love seems so often unrequited.” ~ Anthony Powell
- “If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy.” ~ Kristin Chenoweth
- “To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don’t wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now. ” ~ Alan Cohen
Happy Valentine’s Day!
