We live in an age of great stress. We are bombarded daily with more information than we can possibly assimilate, and we are always connected to this flow of information with our iPhone, Blackberry’s and computers. There is no end to the information that is at our finger tips 24/7. It seems there is no place to hide either. Our personal and professional lives are now publicly displayed across the Internet. The job market is tough, the economy weak, and competition for advancement has increased dramatically with more and more highly educated women in the workforce. And many of us are trying to balance our careers with a family as well.

It would seem only logical that we should strive to eliminate the stress in our lives in order to achieve more equilibrium, health, and happiness.

I thought it was interesting, therefore, to read a recent post, Stress is Not Your Enemy, by Tony Schwartz in Harvard Business Review that states that we need stress in our lives in order to reach our full potential.

Tony says, “Subjecting yourself to stress is the only way to systematically get stronger — physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. And you’ll get weaker if you don’t.”

This is the “use it or lose it” mentality that maintains that if you don’t exercise your mind and body “muscles”, you will atrophy and, as a consequence, will  not be able to grow and improve.

We live by the myth that stress is the enemy in our lives. The real enemy is our failure to balance stress with intermittent rest. Push the body too hard for too long — chronic stress — and the result will indeed be burnout and breakdown. But subject the body to insufficient stress, and it will weaken and atrophy.

Few of us push ourselves nearly hard enough to realize our potential, nor do we rest, sleep, and renew nearly as deeply or for as long as we should.

The real message here is that moving outside your comfort zone can be stressful, but it also allows you to increase your skill set to advance your career. Stretching yourself to take on new responsibilities at work, volunteering for high profile projects, speaking up in meetings and voicing your opinions when you’d rather keep silent can certainly be stressful, but if you want to get out of the trenches and move your career forward, it’s important to take the leap even though it gives you some anxiety initially.

Tony Schwartz’s point is that we need to do these things to grow personally and professionally but we also need to learn how to better manage our stress and know when it’s right to take a break and rest. We are not going to eliminate all the stress from our lives, but we can certainly learn to control our reaction to stressful situations so that it does not derail us.

This Wednesday, May 9^th, at noon EDT, Dr. Fred Luskin from Stanford University will be my guest on GPS Your Career: A Woman’s Guide to Success to discuss the simple techniques we can all do to manage the effect stress has on our personal and professional lives. I hope you can join us.

Are you being stingy?

…by not letting others know what you have to offer?

…by not speaking up and sharing your opinion or ideas?

Sometimes we are so focused on our “own stuff” and our fears or discomfort talking about ourselves that we forget that what we have to offer helps others. That’s right! Think about it. What you have to offer, whether it’s a product, a service, an innovative idea or new approach to a problem or simply your opinion, helps other people and improves their lives and/or careers in an important way.

Re-framing this as an offer to help is a terrific way for you to move beyond your fear and discomfort and focus on what the other person needs. It gets you beyond the “stinginess” factor.

How would your next job interview go if you used this mindset, understood what you had to offer and focused on how it could help the company?

How would your next networking event go if you used this mindset when meeting new people, finding out what they need and offering your assistance?

How would your next senior management or department meeting go if you used this mindset and offered your ideas and opinion?

For the next few weeks, I am offering you the opportunity to write and tell me specifically ONE way you help your company or clients (what value you offer), and I will feature your “commercial” in a new section of my blog/newsletter.

Please include your name, position, company (company website or personal website) and email so that other women can contact you.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

We live in a culture that adores thin women. To be thin represents the ideal body image and in fact, is also often associated with success and confidence. The media worships thin “beautiful” women on the red carpet in Hollywood or in fashion magazines around the globe. For women this ideal image of beauty has been a long standing struggle.

The obsession with being thin has led to many disturbing eating disorders for women. In fact, a recent estimate of the lifetime prevalence of eating disorders is provided by the National Comorbidity Survey Replication, a face-to-face household survey of 9.282 individuals. According to this survey, 0.90% of women are suffering from Anorexia Nervosa, 1.5% from Bulimia, and 3.5% from Binge Eating Disorder. Altogether, about 9.18 million women have struggled with an eating disorder.

This battle with body image starts at an early age for females but is especially prevalent (or at least more often reported) in high school and college age females.

With this in mind, I looked for experts in this field to better understand this disorder among young women today. Eating for Life Alliance (ELA) is a non-profit organization that provides educational resources on the prevention and treatment of eating disorders to colleges and universities nationwide. I posed some questions about eating disorders in young women to ELA co-founders, Whitney Post and Dawn Hynes. I met Whitney last year at the Massachusetts Conference for Women and was immediately enamored with her passion and mission to help young women

1.       How prevalent are issues of body image and eating disorders for young women today? The issue is quite pervasive; 91% of women recently surveyed on a college campus had attempted to control their weight through dieting, 22% dieted “often” or “always.”  Also, an estimated 64% of college women exhibit some degree of eating disorder behavior. And on college campuses, administrators report a 24.3% rise in reports of eating disorder concerns among their students.

2.       Is diagnosis or identification of the problem an issue? Absolutely! Eating disorders are of the most secretive of mental health issues and often go untreated because of the lack of awareness, education, and resources available.  Although there is a lot of hope for those struggling, and recovery is possible with the right interventions, support and effort, it can be a challenge to get some people to treatment.  According to the Eating Disorders Coalition (whose mission is to advance the federal recognition of eating disorders as a public health priority), eating disorders can be successfully and fully treated to complete remission, but only 1 in 10 people with eating disorders receive treatment. And for those who do get help, only 35% do so at a specialized facility for eating disorders.

3.       Why do you feel it’s more prevalent now? The big picture is that we live in a culture that sets up women, and increasingly men, for body dissatisfaction.  Our culture promotes an impossible physical ideal, and then litters the media with advertisements and messages that having the perfect body will in some way solve all problems.  Unfortunately, there are no advertisements for how to deal with challenging emotions that are the real issue.  It is also often ”invisible” — people can struggle for a long time and still perform in their daily lives, at school, etc., but be emotionally distressed and physically compromised at the same time.  And for women in particular, although some may never struggle in earnest themselves, statistics reveal that they will know someone who does, so understanding this issue and knowing how to talk about it is invaluable.

4.  What is ELA and why did you start this organization? The name Eating For Life Alliance was chosen purposely for its positive focus – ideally we would all be eating and thinking about our bodies in a way that supports life, not its destruction.  We are professionally and personally invested in bringing about a real and lasting change to eating and body image pathology.  On a professional level, we have years of experience providing eating disorder treatment, consultation, and advocacy.  Our personal investment comes from Whitney’s history of an eating disorder that started in college; in the absence of proper recognition treatment, that disorder continued for almost two decades.  Dawn worked as a volunteer for a suicide hotline, and saw that a huge percentage of those calling were local college students dealing with an eating disorder.  These experiences resulted in ELA’s leadership to commit to being part of the solution, by working to support college students with these issues.

5.       What resources are available for young women? Excellent resources do exist – there are more and more high quality treatment facilities and advocacy organizations, and an increasing number of clinicians are being specially trained in working with eating disorder and body image issues.  In addition, there is more research being conducted on causes and effective treatment.  That being said, these resources aren’t available in all communities.

6.       How can people get involved in ELA or access help from your organization? Visiting the website is the best way to get information. The simplest way to support ELA is to join the alliance on our site – there is no cost, it takes under a minute and it helps support our mission. Additionally, people have volunteered their expertise and resources since the beginning of ELA.  We are currently focusing on fundraising efforts, and looking for advisors with expertise in this area as we build our board.  We are also eager to work with individuals who may be willing to host fundraisers of any size to benefit our organization.

Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder or poor body image or perhaps know of someone who struggles with this? If so, please get them the help they need to get healthy!

If you have a daughter, what steps do you take to instill confidence and self-esteem in her?

Think about it. When do you feel the most stress at work? According to author Tony Schwartz in a recent post on Harvard Business Review, we feel the most stress when our value is threatened.

Across more than 200 studies of the effects of stress, researchers have found that the highest rises in cortisol levels — meaning the most pernicious “fight or flight” response — are prompted by “threats to one’s social acceptance, esteem and status”.

When someone puts us down or criticizes us, we not only get upset and feel under- appreciated, but very often we move into a defensive state of mind.

To feel valued (and valuable) is almost as compelling a need as food. The more our value feels at risk, the more preoccupied we become with defending and restoring it, and the less value we’re capable of creating in the world.

Two things struck me as significant in this statement. First, are we so disconnected to our value that someone elses criticism can throw us off guard and upset us? And as a result of this disconnect, how is it possible that we become so focused on defending our value that we can actually lose our value in the process?

First let me address the disconnection. Our lives are so crazy busy these days, it’s all we can do to keep up with our responsibilities at home and at work. Everyday we are running at full speed and focusing on completing our to-do list. How often do we take the time to identify our strengths and establish a lasting connection to our value? Without a strong connection to our value, we are trying to navigate a boat through strong currents without a rudder.

Tony Schwartz suggests, “Our challenge is always to reconnect to our own core value — even when someone else’s criticism cuts deep. What that requires, first and foremost, is compassion for ourselves.”

I think we need to take this one step further and intentionally make the connection to our core value. Take the time to identify what makes you unique; your strengths. Make a note each day of your accomplishments and successes in a journal and think about what these achievements say about you. This is your value proposition. No one can take this away from you. It is the foundation of how you promote yourself at work. This is your rudder.

With this connection to your value, no one will be able to set you so off course that your only new course is to defend yourself. Stay focused on your value and even if you are temporarily upset when someone puts you down, you will be able to quickly get back on track.

I recently read Ellen Galinsky’s article in Harvard Business Review, “Getting Beyond Fear”. The author refers to a situation in which a woman is about to make her first presentation to her Board of Directors on the importance of diversity in the workplace. She is confident about her presentation, but when she enters the boardroom and sees all the serious faces, she immediately loses that confidence. She is interpreting their facial expressions and making assumptions that they will not be receptive to her ideas. This is an example of social referencing.

Social referencing is the ability to search for and to use social signals to guide one’s behavior in a new situation.

Galinsky makes the point of saying that even if one is “well prepared, if others aren’t supportive, our confidence is affected.”

What is the best approach then to introduce new ideas to a group when we are unsure of their position?

My suggestion is to set up individual meetings with the board members ahead of time to acquaint them with your agenda and solicit feedback. Building consensus beforehand helps your confidence and ability to present new ideas. Try to find at least one champion in the group; someone who will support  you in your efforts to present and implement new concepts.

One person nodding their head favorably will not only give you confidence to introduce your ideas, but will affect the receptivity of the rest of the group. This is a good way to have social referencing work for you. It often only takes one person’s body language or outward approval to affect the overall behavior of the group.

Please watch this video! This is Brene Brown’s presentation at the Houston TED Conference on “The Power of Vulnerability”. This twenty minute video is life-changing. At least, it was for me. We all struggle with vulnerability. No one is completely comfortable when they feel vulnerable, but Brene shares with us that being vulnerable is THE only way to truly connect with others. She stresses the importance of connection to give us meaning and purpose to our lives.

Brene believes that vulnerability is “the birthplace of joy, creativity, love and belonging”.

Her recommendations for achieving connection with others:

• Let yourself be seen; really seen
• Love with your whole heart
• Practice gratitude and joy
• Believe that YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I would love to hear your thoughts and comments about this video.

A couple of weeks ago, I interviewed Libby Gill on my Head over Heels Radio show about her book, You Unstuck: Mastering the Rules of Risk Taking in Work and Life.  Reflecting on that discussion this week, I realized that there are so many ways we get stuck in our personal lives and in our businesses. I guess it’s part of the human condition to get “stuck in our ways”, especially as we get older.

Sometimes we get stuck because we become so comfortable where we are that we are fearful of taking any risks that might bring about change. So we stay in a job that has no potential or a job that we hate because in our minds, the choice is between the job that we have become so accustomed to and the unknown. We are frightened of the change. Needless to say, whatever the reason is that we don’t make a change, it is important to realize the consequences of being “stuck”. After all, being “stuck”, quite simply means going “nowhere”.

As an entrepreneur or small business owner, it is critical to not only be flexible, but willing to take some risks and embrace change. Any company that is fearful of change will eventually miss the boat. We all need to keep the pace of the many changes in the business world today. Think about this; if you did not embrace technology or the internet, where would your business be right now? What about social media?

I often laugh when I think about the phrase “business as usual”. In today’s marketplace, does that have any meaning at all? Changes happen so rapidly and the need to adapt and be flexible so critical, that the way we did business just last week, can be obsolete!

In my own business, I am constantly making changes to my business model and tweaking my approach, yet I still find that I get very comfortable with some aspects of my business. Consequently, it becomes more of a challenge for me to let go of certain business practices as my business gets more sophisticated. It seems that there are so many choices relative to how to move forward that it’s daunting. It’s much easier to procrastinate or vegetate instead. (By the way, when this happens, it is a good time to hire a business coach!)

Take a good look at your own business and evaluate your flexibility and willingness to change. Have you resisted any changes to your business recently? Are the reasons for your resistance valid or are you stuck because of your comfort level and fear of taking any risks?

Remember that being “stuck” means “going nowhere”.

This is a guest post from Art DeLorenzo, CFP, ChFC, CLU, MSFS, a retired Group Vice President at a Fortune Magazine top 100 firm and Frederic Luskin, Ph.D. a psychologist at Stanford University. Mr. DeLorenzo, Dr. Luskin and Dr. Rick Aberman are co- owners of MYT Group, LLC. MYT is an emotional competence development programs. Details about this program can be found at www.maximizeyourtalent.com.

Here are some thoughts and tips on how to cope with fear and anxiety to help people understand the impact that fear and anxiety have on them physiologically and emotionally and then some steps to help deal with those feelings.

Things to Know:

1. It is natural to feel anxious during financially stressful times so do not think that you are alone or that you are odd. It is natural and there is nothing wrong with you for thinking in an anxious way. A recent TV interview between Donny Deutsch & financial newscaster Larry Kudlow revealed that Mr. Kudlow was no more prepared for the onset of the recent market collapse than you and I were.

2. It is natural for the brain to create fear and anxiety. Therefore experts surmise the brain is trying to protect us by bringing a difficult situation like the economic crisis to our awareness. When in our awareness the brain is saying find a solution because there is something wrong here. You can read more about this in Margaret Wehrenberg’s book “The Anxious Brain”.

3. Psychologists distinguish between fear – which has a specific cause (the Saber Tooth Tiger finds you in the woods) and anxiety whose cause is more general and vague.

4. Anxiety creates cognitive distortions according to Myra S. White a clinical instructor at Harvard Medical School who focuses on workplace performance. Cognitive distortion weakens our judgment which causes decision-making to be impaired. Bottom line – we make more mistakes.

5. When we experience cognitive impairment from anxiety we do not listen as well and instructions need to be repeated more often and our memory is weaker.

6. When we are cognitively impaired we tend to have shorter fuses and we often feel impatient.

7. When we are cognitively impaired we tend to obsess about the past and/or worry about the future both of which impair our present performance.

8. If during a stressful time like this you are not cognitively impaired, you may become so if someone else in our office has high anxiety. That occurs through a process known as emotional contagion according to Professor Sigal G. Barsdale associate management professor at the Wharton School of Pennsylvania.

9. Anxiety wrecks havoc on the body and the mind according to psychologist Dr. White.

10. According to a study released by CNN in mid March of 2009, 8 of 10 Americans are experiencing stress over the economy as evidenced by their concern over their jobs and their perceived loss of their life style.

What can you do?

1. Encourage your people to express their anxieties openly so that leaders can provide honest information about what is occurring. The leader of the group can convene a meeting so that individuals have an open opportunity to share their thoughts and fears. Set a start time for the meeting and an end time. Explain that once the meeting is over, everyone is advised that “worry time” is over until the next meeting and productivity time is at hand.

2. Be strategic about your anxiety. When you experience it, acknowledge it and then practice stress management so that you can move on. Take two or three slow deep breaths into and out of your belly and relax.

3. When you catch yourself back in your anxious spot, remind yourself that you were there before and it is not necessary to remain there. As a practice: Consider the difference between the mind, the brain, & the body. The mind controls what the brain does. So if you remind your brain, to be grateful or optimistic it will do just that. When you do this the body receives less stress hormones and your mind stays clear. Imagine then your body says to your brain, wow, less adrenaline…thank you.

4. Remind yourself on a regular basis that right now you are fine. You are healthy. Your loved ones are healthy. You have food, water, and shelter. Today, at this moment, there are no real threats to your safety and the safety of your family. Fear is not needed and you have the tools to deal with your anxiety.

5. Create a meditation and or regular exercise routine. Both produce natural mood elevators that will dispel the symptoms of anxiety according to Dr. White.

Some of this information came from a NY Times article written by Phyllis Korkki on Sunday, October 19th on page 11 in the Business Section.