Love Your Colleagues
Women have the reputation of being great nurturers. After all, we have always been primary caregivers for our family and children. It is our history. It’s in our DNA.
Here’s my question this week for professional women: Why doesn’t that love and nurturing carry over more into the workplace?
What happens to women in a work environment that holds them back from nurturing and supporting each other?
I know that women make excellent managers. We often take great care to nurture our staff, and sometimes, in fact, we take on too much work ourselves to protect our team. But how much support do we give our female peers?
In a recent radio interview I did with Gail Evans on Women Mean Business Radio, this topic surfaced. Gail spoke about how women don’t seem to help each other be successful in a corporate environment. During the interview, she told the story of one instance in her tenure as Executive Vice President at CNN that a female colleague exhibited some behavior during a meeting that Gail felt would eventually sabotage her career. After the meeting, Gail asked this woman to join her in the ladies room, and she gave her some honest feedback about what took place during the meeting and how she might approach the situation differently in the future. Gail was nurturing her. She cared enough to help her female colleague be successful. Gail’s philosophy is that if one woman succeeds, we all succeed.
How many times have you taken a female colleague/peer aside for the purpose of helping them advance their career?
It’s Valentine’s Day week. Maybe it’s time to love and nurture our female colleagues.
I would love to hear from you about specific examples you might have when you “nurtured” a female co-worker and spread the love.
Are You Happy at Work?
In this current recession, one would think that anyone who has a job at this point would be happy to be gainfully employed. Research tells us that this in not the case. In fact, in a recent article in The Wall Street Journal, author Sue Shellenbarger speaks of a growing need and trend for “happiness coaching” in the workplace.
Shellenbarger says, “Employee satisfaction has hit the lowest level in the 22 year history of the Conference Board’s annual survey on the topic. Only 45% of U.S. workers are satisfied with their jobs, down from 52% in 2005 and 61% in 1987, says this 5,000 household study.”
The recent emphasis on “happiness coaching” at work is supported with business cases that show employees’ positive attitudes are good for business. Companies with more satisfied employees earn higher profit and better customer satisfaction ratings and their employees miss less work.
According to Shellenbarger, “A 2001 study at the University of Michigan says people who are experiencing joy or contentment are able to think more broadly and creatively, accepting a wider variety of possible actions…..”
Let’s face it. We all experience some degree of dissatisfaction with our employment at one time or another; that’s reality. The focus of this current trend of “happiness coaching” is to create your own contentment and joy from within. The premise is that if you are happy with yourself, you are less likely to be affected dramatically by negative influences. Your inner peace creates a shield in a way from any external negative forces.
Any activity or practice that helps you achieve this inner contentment and joy is recommended; exercise, yoga, meditation, daily success or gratitude journals. All of these contribute to a positive state of mind.
For women, it is especially important to learn to “let go” of the negative influences at work whether they be conflict with a co-worker or your boss. “Letting go” of negative emotions and conflict is often a challenge for women. This affects their job satisfaction.
Focus on what is meaningful about your work. Look for ways to infuse your life with positivity. If there is too much dissatisfaction with your current position that it is impossible to find anything positive, it’s time to move on. Life is too short.
Just make sure that you don’t bring your negative frame of mind with you to your next job!
Are You in Career Quicksand?
Does this describe you?
- Desperately trying to keep your job or business from swallowing you up?
- Totally focused on completing all your daily tasks but never getting through your to do list?
- Working nights and weekends to catch up?
- Stressed? Exhausted?
- Do you find the more you struggle to keep on top of things, the more you sink into the abyss?
I call this career quicksand. Why? Because when you are in this situation with your business or career, you are stuck and I mean really stuck! The consequences of this are that you are not in the position or frame of mind to move your business or career forward. When you are in career quicksand, you cannot think clearly or objectively. As long as you are totally focused on daily tasks, you do not have the time or energy to be creative. All your energy is expended on daily survival.
What would it take for you to extricate yourself from this trap and begin to think more strategically?
Here are some tips to pull yourself out of the quicksand:
- At least once a day, take some time to do something totally different from work; anything that will clear you mind. Ideally, scheduling even a few short breaks (10 minutes) during the day helps to keep up your energy and stimulate your creativity.
- Work with a coach or mentor. This partnership can give you a new perspective on your business and career. The potential to see things more objectively offers a great opportunity to get “unstuck”.
- Start an Affinity Group at work. Gather a group of like-minded women together on a regular basis to discuss and brainstorm on work place challenges and opportunities.
- Schedule regular networking meetings (lunch, dinner, coffee) with peers outside of your own company. It’s amazing what wisdom is available from other business owners or women in similar corporate positions.
- Keep your mind open to new approaches through a variety of resources. There are many insightful and valuable books on business management and leadership. (Let me know if you would like some suggestions). There are also many worthwhile online resources.
The first step to getting “unstuck” is to realize that you ARE stuck and that the consequences of this are detrimental to the growth of your business and career. You simply can’t move forward if all of your energy is focused on daily tasks and survival.
Look for ways to pull yourself out of the quicksand and think strategically about where you want to go and how best to get there.
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Also, check out my new January teleclasses:
Promote Yourself to Success (3 one hour sessions). $99. Class limited to 6
Learn how to create an effective and memorable message and practice with your peers!
for more information and registration:
http://womenssuccesscoaching.com/services/group-coaching/
You’ll Never Know Until You Ask
Is No really NO or is it an opportunity?
Women are much more likely than men to take a “no” as a personal rejection and final answer. In fact, the fear of rejection will often keep us from asking for things we rightly deserve.
Let’s look at the situation of a salary negotiation or performance review. Perhaps we were expecting a large raise and only received a small one. How often will we say “thank you” when we receive the small raise even though we thought we deserved more? It is possible that this presents a missed opportunity. It could be that “no” means ” not right now” or even a possible “maybe”.
Does the possibility of rejection keep you from asking for more and continuing the discussion about how and when a larger raise is possible?
How often in your career have you held back from asking for something (a promotion, flex time, a raise, a new office, etc) because you feared rejection?
If you are interested in a promotion for example, don’t assume that your boss knows what you want. You may be very disappointed when you are passed over for that job. Make your intentions well known. State your case. What is the worst thing that could happen? If he/she says “no” to the promotion at least you know that you stated what you want and now there is an opportunity to find out more about why this position is not right for you at this point in time and what you can do to get the necessary skills for a future position. Perhaps it will open up a door for mentoring or coaching or other resources for you.
You never know until you ask.
In 2010, make this a resolution. Ask for what you want and need. “No” is not always a definitive “no”. It can often be an opportunity to gain more information.
You will never know until you ask!
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Also, check out my new January teleclasses:
Promote Yourself to Success (3 one hour sessions). $99. Class limited to 6
90 Day Action Marketing Group (6 one hour sessions). $99. Class limited to 6.
for more information and registration:
http://womenssuccesscoaching.com/services/group-coaching/
‘Tis the Season to Celebrate YOU!
Pretty soon we’re going to be flooded with blogs that talk about creating new goals for the new year and the importance of making new resolutions for 2010. ‘Tis the season, right? I am not even going there. You will hear enough from myriads of others about setting your intentions.
Let’s focus instead of 2009. Let’s reflect back on the year and think about our successes this past year and write them down. What a great exercise!
You can categorize all your wonderful accomplishments in 3 major categories:
1. WORK: What fabulous things (big and small) did you accomplish at work this year?
2. FAMILY: What incredible things did you do for your family?
3. SELF: And last, but certainly not least, what empowering,, rewarding things did you do for yourself this past year?
As you look over your lists, it should be readily apparent where you focused the most energy in 2009. Surely, it will be the list that will have the most success entries. So, what does that say about you? Do you need to modify your focus going forward? What can you do to better balance your life in 2010?
Most of all, this is a time to celebrate YOU. Your achievements in 2009 contribute to who you are today. Make them a source of your self-confidence going forward. If you achieved all this in 2009, think about what wonderful things you can do this next year. There’s no stopping you!
Recording our successes is important. We often don’t take the time to acknowledge how wonderful and unique we are and celebrate who we are. The time is now.
Happy New Year!
You’re Driven, But Where Are You Driving?
Most of the professional women I coach, whether entrepreneurs or corporate executives, are driven. I recognize certain characteristics that accompany this drive. Very often these type A personalities are totally focused on the work at hand and tend to be more reactive than proactive. Head down and nose to the grindstone.
Does this sound familiar?
If this is true for you, I would like to ask you, where are you driving and most importantly, who is driving?
The benefit of strategic thinking is to step out of your box and look objectively at yourself and your career. Strategic thinking moves you from reactive to proactive, is future/goal oriented, and allows you to see the bigger picture.
It is important to take the time to identify who you are. What are your strengths? How have these strengths helped you past positions and how are they helping you now?
What are some of your recent accomplishments and what do they say about you?
Create your own brand message and connect with your value and talent. This is who you are and what you need to communicate to others about yourself. Be clear about what you want others to know about you.
Next, identify where you are headed. What is your career goal? Who are the key influencers you need to be in front of in order for you to reach your goal?
Create an action plan to be visible and credible with these key people.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking your career will just happen without good planning and strategic thinking.
Who’s Driving? Know yourself. Be clear on your personal message and what you want people to know about you.
Where are you Driving? What is your goal? Who needs to know more about you for you to reach your goal and create an action plan for ongoing communication of who you are and your personal brand message.
Why Me, Why Now?
Looking back at my own corporate career, I can see clearly some of my mistakes, and mis-steps, as well as successes. Hindsight is always 20/20, right? But one thing is really clear to me and that is I would have benefited greatly from reading Her Place at the Table by Deborah Kolb, Judith Williams, and Carol Frohlinger before I accepted some of the promotions offered to me along the way.
My recent radio interview with Deborah Kolb, PhD. was an eye-opener for me and I immediately recognized some of the mistakes and missed opportunities in my own career.
Deborah pointed out that when you are promoted to a new position, you must negotiate the conditions for your success. I admit that I succumbed to one of the basic blunders of being so flattered that I was blind to the potential challenges and obstacles. Can you relate to this?
The key question to ask yourself first is “why me, why now?” Look objectively at the situation and not only assess why you were offered the job at this point in time, but where are you most vulnerable? Why didn’t others get the job? Taking stock of the situation is vital to your ongoing success in your new position.
Determine where you are vulnerable. What resources do you need to be successful and negotiate for those resources upfront.
Make strategic alliances to support your efforts. Who are the key people in the organization or specifically on your team who need to better understand your value and what you bring to the new position? Identify these people and create a strategic plan to promote your credibility either directly or indirectly.
The lesson here is that a promotion does not speak for itself. People don’t automatically accept you in the new role. Support doesn’t necessarily line up behind you simply because you were promoted and perhaps have the endorsement of senior management.
Assess the situation and determine what you need to be successful and before you accept the promotion, negotiate for what you need.
Dress for Success
When I am asked whether or not a women’s appearance is important for business and leadership success, I always hesitate before responding. My gut reaction is that women should be in touch with their authenticity and wear what they feel is appropriate and professional.
My recent radio interview with Marie Wilson, president and founder of The White House Project and long time advocate for women’s leadership, reminded me, however, that women do not yet have the luxury of ignoring the basic fact that it is much more important how they, as women, present themselves then it is for men. Plain and simple; women are not judged in the same way.
The White House Project, in fact, did a media study in 1998 that addressed this very issue. They analyzed six political campaigns and found that journalists were more likely to focus on the personal characteristics of female candidates and less likely to focus on the issues.
More recently, in her book Closing the Leadership Gap, Marie Wilson states, “After the first Democratic presidential debate in 2007, MSNBC host Chris Matthews focused obsessively on the appearance of Clinton and Michelle Obama to the point and chief foreign affairs correspondent Andrea Mitchell reminded him that they are Yale and Harvard educated lawyers, respectively.”
When the subject of appropriate dress came up in my interview with Marie Wilson, she shared her opinion that women need to be aware of the intense scrutiny they are under as business and political leaders and if they are interested in achieving their career goals, they must dress for success.
What is appropriate attire in your business environment?
Be aware that clothing that is too frilly, too sexy, and perhaps even too masculine may not project the professional image required to succeed in that company culture.
Quite honestly, I think this may be our present reality but it still remains tough to swallow. I believe that as more women assume leadership roles, this will change.
Taking on the Work of Others
Let’s face it. Women are often busy doing the grunt work while men spend more time building their careers. We have a problem with taking on too much responsibility and it limits us from doing what needs to be done to advance our own careers and take care of ourselves.
No only do we do our own work, but we also take on the work of others. We have difficulty saying “no”. As a result, we are often overwhelmed and stressed.
When a direct report comes to you with a project and they tell you they don’t have time or they don’t know how to do it. What do you do? Do you take it on because it will get done faster if you do it? Do you allow your direct reports to delegate up?
Instead of automatically assuming responsibility for something new, perhaps it’s best to pause a few minutes and think through what other possible options exist.
Perhaps your direct report can work with a co-worker on this project?
Maybe you can use this as a teaching opportunity. If you invest the time now, you won’t have to address the same issue in the future.
What do you do when a peer tries to delegate to you inappropriately?
The important message here is to stop and think about potential ways to manage the issue and also to learn how to say “no” when appropriate. Stop yourself before you launch into solving the problem for someone else. Just apologize and say “no”. “I’d love to help you out with this, but I have way too much on my plate right now.”
Sound good? Try it next time someone tries to delegate a project inappropriately to you and you will eventually feel less stressed, more in control of your own work and career.
The “Yes, But” Mentality
As women, we have a lifetime of mixed messages around becoming strong leaders and connecting with our innate talent and personal power. This often results in what I call the “yes, but” mentality. You instinctively know what to do BUT you don’t do it. For example, you know you should do more to get out and promote your business, but you spend more of your time in the office hoping that eventually word of mouth will bring you clients.
Why don’t we do what we instinctively know we should do? Are our reasons valid or just excuses?
Often our fears and limiting beliefs make up most of our “buts” and we sabotage ourselves by listening to these messages. They hold us back and keep us in our comfort zone.
Mixed messages relative to our professional success as women continually create this internal tug of war. We want to be successful, yet we worry about what the tolerance for our message is with our friends, colleagues, peers, prospects, and clients.
After all, we are women and as women we should be humble and polite and take the back seat. We have experienced the criticism of the Hillary Clintons of the world have received for being too pushy and aggressive. Yet all the business advice and media push calls for us to assert and promote ourselves as equals in the workplace. It’s this push and pull that creates the “yes, but” mentality.
We feel compelled to please everyone, yet we want to succeed. At some level, we are concerned that leadership positions and business success will make us seem pushy.
Can you relate to any of these “yes, buts”?
- Yes, I am accomplished, BUT it’s not right brag about it.
- Yes, I am ambitious, BUT I can’t appear to be too assertive.
- Yes, I deserve a higher salary, BUT I don’t feel comfortable asking for a raise.
What “yes, buts” do you recite to yourself all the time?
It’s time to connect with your confidence and do what you know is best for you to be successful.
No, “yes, buts”. Just a firm YES, I WILL!
