It’s common knowledge that many people have issues with boastful people. We have a bias against those who seem “full of themselves” and constantly let everyone know how wonderful they are.  If the person happens to be a woman, there is even more of a negative reaction to her lack of humility.

If you follow my work and my blog, you know that I help professional women identify and connect with their value and talent and thereby gain the confidence to promote themselves. (This isn’t bragging or boasting, by the way, but authentically talking about your accomplishments and value proposition.) There is much evidence that communicating your value helps you to advance your career and get more clients.

If you understand your value proposition, what plan do you have to offer your gifts and talent to the world? I mean, what is your BIG plan for your business or career? Do you dare to go there?

 I believe that we think small because we are afraid that if we let others know the dreams we have for ourselves, people will think we are “full of ourselves”. We may get the skeptical looks, the rolling eyes, the “are you kidding me?” look. Who do you think you are that you could achieve that?

Well, guess what? If we think small, we stay small. If we keep our ordinary story, we stay ordinary. (I am borrowing that from Suzanne Evans. I just spent three amazing days at her Be The Change Event where I heard this over and over again.) If we want to be extraordinary, then we need to ditch our ordinary story for a bigger one, and we need to be able to articulate that new big story with the same confidence we do our value proposition.

Everything changes when you understand your value.  This includes your story and your plans for your career and business. Don’t be afraid to dream big. Don’t be ashamed to create a new big story that expands the way you offer your unique value to the world. It’s not bragging. It’s simply you acknowledging that you have these gifts. It’s simply you understanding your value and believing that you can achieve great success because of it.

What’s your extraordinary story?

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Do you remember Peter Pan telling Wendy “I’ve Gotta Crow”? Wendy says to him, “Oh Peter, you’re so conceited”, and he replies with his song:

It’s just that I am what I am

And I’m me!

I look at myself

And I see in myself

All the wonderful things that I am

If I’m pleased with myself

I have ev’ry good reason to be.

What do you see in your mirror? My guess is your focus in more related to your perceived flaws that “all the wonderful things” that are unique and wonderful about you.

That being said, I think that somewhere deep down we all understand that we do have wonderful things to brag about, but we bury them because bragging is not acceptable in our society, especially for women. Sometimes we bury the positives so well it’s difficult to uncover them. The consequence is that we become disconnected to our positive qualities and more connected to what we consider to be our weaknesses. Just ask any woman to talk about her weaknesses and see how long she can discuss the topic versus her difficulty acknowledging her accomplishments.

Of course, this is all intimately related to self promotion. It is vitally important to stay connected to your value and believe in yourself in order to promote yourself.

How do you do that?

Well, maybe we should all practice bragging!

I’m not saying that we should brag in public because I know that often backfires. What I am recommending is that you practice bragging to yourself. Every day find at least one thing to “crow” about. In fact, put bragging on your to do list. Brag a little, pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments and all your unique qualities.

One daily dose of bragging will boost your immune system and self confidence, and help you stay intimately connected with your value.

What would you like to brag about today? Write a comment!

As women, we need to speak up more and create visibility for ourselves whether it’s in a meeting, an interview with media, or a conversation with colleagues at work. This topic comes up over and over again in my discussions with clients as well as guests on my radio show. In my recent interview with Toddi Gutner, the hesitancy of women to speak up and stand out surfaced again.

In the interview, Toddi talks about how important it is for women as a group to become more visible in the media. Visibility in the media supports and contributes to women’s leadership initiatives across all industries and government. The White House Project’s Benchmarking Women’s Leadership Report confirms the fact that women get less bylines in eleven of the top political and intellectual magazines and that this lack of visibility needs to be addressed in order for women to advance to leadership positions. Women need to be visible and credible.

Toddi also says  from her experience as a reporter she finds that women are not only hesitant to promote themselves, but are also not always organized, can often ramble, and don’t come across with the same confidence as men. Men are much more declarative. They frequently respond quickly to her questions in precise, short and often quotable statements.

Both the White House Project and Toddi strongly advocate media training for women. I agree, of course, but also feel strongly that women need to learn how to promote themselves more effectively and feel comfortable delivering their message. We must get over our belief that we are bragging when we talk about ourselves in a positive manner. Certainly, bragging turns people off and, as women, we need to be especially mindful of this in the workplace. Outright bragging can sabotage our efforts to advance our careers, but done diplomatically and appropriately, it is possible to get our message across to become more visible  in the organization. It is possible to learn this and do it well.

We  have valuable experiences, information and stories to share. We need to speak up and promote ourselves!

As women, we have a lifetime of mixed messages around becoming strong leaders and connecting with our innate talent and personal power. This often results in what I call the “yes, but” mentality. You instinctively know what to do BUT you don’t do it. For example, you know you should do more to get out and promote your business, but you spend more of your time in the office hoping that eventually word of mouth will bring you clients.

Why don’t we do what we instinctively know we should do? Are our reasons valid or just excuses?

Often our fears and limiting beliefs make up most of our “buts” and we sabotage ourselves by listening to these messages. They hold us back and keep us in our comfort zone.

Mixed messages relative to our professional success as women continually create this internal tug of war. We want to be successful, yet we worry about what the tolerance for our message is with our friends, colleagues, peers, prospects, and clients.

After all, we are women and as women we should be humble and polite and take the back seat. We have experienced the criticism of the Hillary Clintons of the world have received for being too pushy and aggressive. Yet all the business advice and media push calls for us to assert and promote ourselves as equals in the workplace. It’s this push and pull that creates the “yes, but” mentality.

We feel compelled to please everyone, yet we want to succeed. At some level, we are concerned that leadership positions and business success will make us seem pushy.

Can you relate to any of these “yes, buts”?

• Yes, I am accomplished, BUT it’s not right brag about it.
• Yes, I am ambitious, BUT I can’t appear to be too assertive.
• Yes, I deserve a higher salary, BUT I don’t feel comfortable asking for a raise.

What “yes, buts” do you recite to yourself all the time?

It’s time to connect with your confidence and do what you know is best for you to be successful.

No, “yes, buts”. Just a firm YES, I WILL!

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[podcast]http://womenssuccesscoaching.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/5-19-09.mp3[/podcast]

Our thoughts have the ability to create our reality and it is our daily challenge to put aside negativity and focus on a positive attitude.

There are many techniques that people use to re-frame the negative into positive affirmations and with consistent practice, these methods help us to create the positive life we desire.

Controlling our negative thoughts is not an easy task. One method I suggest is the use of language. When we use positive powerful words, these words can affect our subconscious mind and help to reprogram  our negative beliefs. Word choices such as “I will” instead of “I’ll try” for instance make a powerful statement of intent.

Positive self talk is an important vehicle to building self-esteem and self-confidence. Often we are more comfortable dismissing praise and putting ourselves down.  What do these negative statements do to our self-esteem? Why not practice positive self-talk instead?

Follow this routine for 30 days and I guarantee that you will begin to see the difference in your self-confidence.

1. Begin with journaling. Make daily entries about your accomplishments, big and small.
2. Answer these questions. “What makes me unique?”. “What are my strengths?”  “How have these strengths helped me in the past or in my current job?”
3. Review your journal entries of recent accomplishments to connect with your talent and value.  What can you truly brag about? What do these successes say about you?
4. Create a personal “bragging” statement. Be authentic and positive. Print out the statement and keep it visible so that you can refer to it often. Recite it out loud daily. “This is me.” “This is what makes me special.”

Positive self-talk is an important component to successful self-promotion.

Practice the above mentioned routine daily for 30 days and see the difference it will make in your self-esteem and self-confidence.

May Group Teleclass: The Power of Positive Self-Talk

In this fun and interactive group class series you will:

• Explore your limiting beliefs around positive self-talk. What holds you back?
• Connect with your own value and talent. What makes you unique?
• Practice positive self-talk to build self-esteem and self-confidence. It really works!

Classes will be held consecutive Tuesday evenings 7-8pm EDT starting May 5th.

$125 for three one hour sessions. Workbook included.

Register online: http://womenssuccesscoaching.com/services/group-coaching

]]> http://womenssuccesscoaching.com/2009/04/the-power-of-positive-self-talk/feed/ 1 http://womenssuccesscoaching.com/2009/02/you-have-the-right-to-brag/ http://womenssuccesscoaching.com/2009/02/you-have-the-right-to-brag/#comments Sun, 01 Feb 2009 15:13:05 +0000 Bonnie Marcus http://womenssuccesscoaching.com/?p=484

You have the right to brag, but does bragging about yourself seem right?

Hardly. We are all taught from a very early age NOT to brag and to be humble, however, women  follow this lesson much more closely than their male counterparts.

This is not a male bashing post by any means, just a personal observation about women and how uncomfortable we are  “bragging” or speaking positively about ourselves. It is certainly no issue for most of us to brag about our children, our significant others, and friends close to us, but when it comes to talking about our own accomplishments not only do we feel uncomfortable, we often don’t even recognize how great we really are and what wonderful things we do everyday.

Case in point: I ran a workshop yesterday for a group of professional women. There was an exercise in the session where I asked them to write about all their accomplishments. The group struggled with the assignment. Even though the assignment was to write down any success no matter how small, it was a difficult task. Now, when I followed that exercise with one that required them to write down their shortcomings, it was not only easier for the group to think of things, but they also recognized that they were more likely to think about their weaknesses and disappointments than their successes. They also acknowledged that they almost never acknowledge their accomplishments.

Why is all this important? Certainly it is important to recognize all the wonderful things we do everyday. That’s a necessary component to building self-esteem and is a practice that we should all follow.

How does this translate into the business world? I think it’s obvious that we should connect with our value and our talent so that we can feel more comfortable speaking about ourselves in a positive manner. Effective self-promotion is important to build a business or successful career.

Here’s an exercise to help us recognize and celebrate our achievements.

Start a journal. Let’s call it MY BRAGGING RITES.

Force yourself to make at least one entry everyday. Force yourself. Make it part of your daily routine and write something that you accomplished that day, no matter how small.

Maybe you finished a project before the deadline and amazed your boss. (Wow. You are organized!)

Maybe you made a presentation at a meeting that made a difference in the way your team thinks about an issue. (Great. You are creative and inspiring.)

Maybe you got an appointment with someone who has the potential to give you more business. (Yeah. Go Get ‘em.)

You completed everything on your TO-DO list this week. (You are tenacious, organized, and motivated.)

You get the idea, right? Start to assemble your bragging rites.  Review your accomplishments on a regular basis and celebrate your successes.

Now, when you need to promote yourself and have difficulty thinking of things to say, open up MY BRAGGING RITES and you will have all the material you need. Open up MY BRAGGING RITES and prepare for your interview, your sales meeting, your personnel review. Give yourself the ammunition you need. You have the right to brag.

How would you like to be interviewed for my Bragging Bunch podcasts? Email me if you are interested and I will give you 5 minutes to brag about yourself and your business!

These are scary times and many people are fearful of losing their jobs as the financial crisis in our country continues. The instability of our economy breeds fear and sometimes panic. Suddenly, the job we currently have is the most important factor in our own personal stability even though it may not be the dream job we always wanted.

Now it is of utmost importance to promote yourself at work and take credit for all your accomplishments especially if you are concerned about possible mergers and layoffs. The need to showcase your work is critical. Maybe you were hesitant in the past to step into the spotlight? Maybe you are shy about accepting the compliments for a job well done? Well, think about this. Maybe you are sabotaging yourself by this type of behavior!

As women, we have been brought up to be humble and unassuming. This does not work in our best interests in the corporate world. How often when someone compliments you do you say, “Oh, it was nothing.” or “I need to give credit to the team”? Enough of that! It’s time to step up and accept the compliment and graciously say thank you.

Make a mental note, or better yet, write down all your accomplishments. Be ready at any time to speak about who you are, what responsibilities you have, and all the positive things you have done for your organization. Don’t sabotage yourself by not taking credit for what you have done well. Take every opportunity to speak about what your successes have been and what you are currently doing.

Promoting yourself at work is all about gaining visibility in a positive way. Whether you are in a casual conversation at lunch, a personnel review, a formal meeting or presentation, or just chatting with some co-workers, don’t be afraid to talk about yourself. If you are inclined to sit back and wait for others to recognize you, you may be in for a big surprise.

Self-promotion does not have to be all out bragging. It does not have to be all about “Me, Me, Me” all the time. Prepare and practice saying positive things about yourself and your work and when the opportunity arises, don’t be afraid to weave these statements into the conversation. Step up to the plate, take credit for your work, keep yourself in the spotlight and keep your job!

In the first part of this series, I discussed some common limiting beliefs that women have when it comes to self-promotion. These limiting beliefs are culturally based and therefore, pretty challenging to overcome. i.e. “Bragging is unbecoming for a woman.” “People will think I’m pushy and aggressive if I talk about myself and they won’t like me.” etc.

How we view our place in the business world as women is key to our success. If we accept these limiting beliefs as the truth; if we believe that we need to be humble and take a back seat, we will certainly end up in the back seat in our careers and business.

The first step in good self-promotion is to recognize the limiting beliefs that keep you from talking about yourself in a positive manner.

Let’s look at some of the PERSONAL reasons that hold you back from promoting yourself.

Think of the most positive statement you can make about yourself and your career. Here’s an example of one such statement:

I am a very successful and highly competent business woman. I am an excellent manager of people, a great leader, and people look up to me for my business savvy and skills.

Now write down your personal statement, look at it, and then say it out loud 5 times.

How does this feel?

Do you hear any chatter in your head saying, “Yeah, right”. “That’s not REALLY true”.

Make a note of those voices you hear in your head. These are your personal GREMLINS. These voices are all about self-doubt and fear. These are the voices you need to confront in order to successfully promote yourself to the world.

Convert each negative thought that has surfaced through this process to a positive affirmation. For example, maybe my gremlin says to me, “Yeah, right. I say I have business savvy but I never even completed my MBA”.

Let’s turn this statement around. “I have been very successful in business and have many years of good solid experience in management. I have acquired these skills with hard work and long hours and I’m proud of my business background.”

Get it? Give it a try and clear your head of all the negative chatter. As you practice this, you will help yourself focus on all the positive aspects of your career and take a step forward to promoting yourself with confidence.

Part Three of the series will be how to promote yourself effectively and feel comfortable doing it at the same time.

It is a well known fact that many of us, especially women, have reservations about promoting ourselves. We find it extremely awkward to talk about ourselves in a positive manner. When we do make the push to “sell” ourselves,  we are so self conscious and apologetic that the message doesn’t quite have the impact we desired.

The implications for professional women to NOT promote themselves have many far reaching consequences. Perhaps, you were passed over for a promotion you rightly deserved. Maybe, you didn’t receive the venture capital you requested for your new business venture. Or is it possible that your business is not growing at the pace you anticipated because you are not comfortable selling yourself?

The good news is that you CAN learn to promote yourself effectively and comfortably with practice. However, the first step is to figure out what is holding you back.

This is the first of a three part series on self-promotion. This article focuses on the CULTURAL reasons that contribute to our reservations and fears about selling ourselves.

Take a good look at the following statements. Are they part of your belief system?

• “Nice Girls” don’t promote themselves
• People will think I am pushy and aggressive if I promote myself
• Bragging is “unbecoming” for a woman
• Women should be modest and humble
• People won’t like me if I brag about myself
• Talking about myself is uncomfortable

How do you relate to these statements?

Are holding on to these beliefs doing you any good?

Ask yourself: How would my business and/or career look if I were confident promoting myself, anything was possible, and I could NOT fail?

In order to move forward and learn good self-promotion, you need to let go of these limiting beliefs that are holding you back. Think of them as major roadblocks to your success and banish them from your belief system. Focus your attention to, what if the opposite were true? What would be possible?

The second part of this series will focus on the PERSONAL reasons that hold us back from self-promotion.