People with low self-esteem often try to remain under the radar screen because they don’t want to be noticed, but especially in this economy, that is the wrong thing to do.

This quote caught my attention because the focus of my coaching for professional women is to help them create visibility and be on the radar screen of key influencers at work. This is critical for career advancement.

The article also states that, in general, we tend to make assumptions about people who exhibit behavior associated with low self-esteem. One common assumption is that they are not very intelligent. We make these assumptions based on the fact that these people seldom speak up in meetings and if they are called on, they are timid and don’t readily express an opinion.

Other self-sabotaging behavior that is associated with low self-esteem is not asking for raises or promotions. It’s easy to see how all this can negatively impact your career.

Sharon Fontain, who is an expert in self-esteem, states that self-esteem can be learned through the practice of positive self talk.

What you’re doing is working with the unconscious mind, which is extraordinarily powerful and extremely stupid. In other words, it is perfectly within your power to fool your unconscious mind, allowing you to banish low self-esteem for good.

Wow! that’s great news. A regular practice of positive self talk can actually boost your self-esteem. If you feel you are in this category and are victim of negative thoughts about yourself and your ability, it’s time that you did something about it before it dramatically affects your career.

Notice when negative thoughts come up and think of a positive thought to replace it. Practice the positive thought over and over, until you can “fool” your brain. For example, “I will never make it in the company” can be replaced with “I am talented and have a great deal to offer this company. I know that I have the capability to succeed at whatever I attempt”. See how it works?

Make a conscious effort to speak up in meetings with confidence, offer your opinion, volunteer for special projects and other initiatives in the company to make yourself more visible.

Lois Frankel recommends you go one step further and fake it.

Fake it until you make it. This will not only convince your superiors, but it will also help you rejigger your thought processes.

What do you think? Does it work to fake it until you make it?

Listen to my Head over Heels Radio interview with Lois Frankel to learn more ways women unconsciously sabotage their careers and advice on how we can modify our behavior to better position ourselves for advancement.

According to Wikipedia,

A thought leader is a futurist or person who is recognized for innovative ideas and demonstrates the confidence to promote or share those ideas as actionable distilled insights.

The panel was in agreement that in order to be a thought leader, it’s not enough to be creative and innovative. One must also have the ability and confidence to promote their ideas.

Part of the discussion addressed how women are not really good at speaking up and promoting their ideas; how we often take the back seat to men in the workplace. What is the best way to communicate your ideas so that others will be inspired and motivated to support you?

I don’t know why it always surprises me that the majority of these discussions about women and leadership end up focusing on women and self promotion and self confidence. I was sitting in the audience nodding my head. Self confidence and self promotion are necessary ingredients for women’s leadership and career success. I can’t stress it enough. And though my readers are probably tired of reading this, you can have the best ideas and the best business concept, and if you don’t have the confidence to promote your ideas and the skill to communicate effectively, you will not become the thought leader you desire to be. Thought leadership requires both components; the thought and leadership skills. Leadership implies that you have the ability to get your message across to others to both inspire and motivate action on their part.

Of course, the discussion last week also touched on the “double bind” concept that as women we need to be mindful of the way we promote ourselves; men can get away with outright bragging and we can’t. The double bind is widely accepted as part of our current culture. Women need to recognize that there is an art to creating the credibility and visibility you need to be a thought leader without sabotaging your efforts.

First, clarify your thoughts and ideas.

Second, create a compelling and passionate message.

Third, be strategic. Identify the web of influence in your internal and external networks who need to hear your message.

Fourth, develop a communication/action plan to consistently be visible to these stakeholders to communicate your message.

Fifth, follow the action plan and modify as necessary.

Use the energy and passion you have for your ideas to propel you into action. Once you are motivated to action, as a thought leader you need to communicate your message to inspire and motivate others to action.

The post poses some direct questions to the reader about whether or not your role has changed significantly in the past six months and whether you have been given new responsibilities with no formal promotion or pay raise. Ashkenas reminds us that the practice of assigning more responsibility without changes in job title or description has become more common lately due to the reorganization and downsizing of companies.

I suppose that any of us who have survived downsizing feel very fortunate to still have a job. In this situation, we are more likely to take on more responsibility without a promotion because we not only feel lucky to have a job, but also somewhat vulnerable and sensitive to the instability of the company and the economy. We want to keep our jobs.

That being said, we also need to realize the value that we bring to our company and not let the fact that we have taken on more responsibility go unnoticed.

Ashkenas has some great advice:

…don’t wait for your boss or someone else to recognize that you’ve been invisibly promoted. Revise your job description or create some bullet points about what the job now entails. Have an honest discussion with your immediate supervisor about what it will take to achieve these expanded responsibilities, how you will develop the skills needed, what you may need to do differently, and what he or she can do to help.

I think that Ashkenas’s article has a special message for professional women. In my opinion and from my own business and coaching experience, I have witnessed that many women have difficulty standing up for what they want and need. Women are more likely to take on extra work without requesting a visible promotion or salary increase. In fact, I would go so far as to say that women are more likely to take on the responsibilities and wait to be noticed and recognized without taking the credit or taking the initiative to have a conversation and negotiate a better title and compensation.

One of the most significant mistakes that professional women make is believing that if they work hard and do a good job, someone will recognize and reward them.

Talent and experience are not enough. Hard work is not enough. We must learn to speak up for ourselves and communicate to others our value and accomplishments in order to advance our careers.

Ashkenas states:

..make your invisible promotion visible both to you and to your boss. It will give you the recognition you deserve and the support you need to make sure that you don’t unintentionally become a victim of the Peter Principle.

I might add to this: Don’t be the victim of  the assumption that if you remain invisible others will recognize and reward you.

In an article written by Clay Shirky, a professor at NYU, titled “A Rant About Women”, he says

“To put yourself forward as someone good enough to do interesting things is, by definition, to expose yourself to all kinds of negative judgments, and as far as I can tell, the fact that other people get to decide what they think of your behavior leaves only two strategies for not suffering from those judgments: not doing anything, or not caring about the reaction”.

He points out in the article that women are more apt to do nothing and less apt than men to take risks and take advantage of important opportunities that may present themselves because they fear failure. He feels women are more concerned with what other people may think of them than what they want to achieve.

This type of behavior definitely has a negative impact for women when it comes to advancing their careers. If we are fearful of taking risks and taking advantage of new opportunities, we will not progress.

Why don’t we raise our hands more? It boils down to fear of failure, fear of what other people will think of us,  lack of self-confidence, and most importantly, our belief that self-promoting behavior is not appropriate or acceptable.

Further in the article Clay writes:

“Another of my great students, now a peer and friend, saw a request from a magazine reporter doing a tech story and looking for examples. My friend, who’d previously been too quiet about her work, decided to write the reporter and say “My work is awesome. You should write about it.”

The reporter looked at her work and wrote back saying, “Your work is indeed awesome, and I will write about it. I also have to tell you you are the only woman who suggested her own work. Men do that all the time, but women wait for someone else to recommend them.”

When I look back at my own career, I can see that every major turning point involved me stepping up and raising my hand in some way. Yes, I will take the job to run a cardiac rehab center even though I have no business experience.  Yes, I will move to Chicago from the east coast to run a company when I have never been a CEO before. Yes, I will leave corporate America to start my own business because I believe in my ability to be successful. And most recently, I said “yes” to VoiceAmerica when they called to ask me to become a radio host. I had no experience, but my belief in myself and my willingness to fail  (in a very public way I might add) were major factors.

This is why I now focus my efforts on helping women promote themselves; because quite simple, we don’t raise our hands enough. Yes, there are many possible reasons why we are not better at self-advancement, but the consequences of not doing this well have a huge impact on the progress of women in business.

It’s no good thinking that hard work will get you anywhere. If you want to make it to the top, you’re going to have to overcome your fear of socializing and start schmoozing like men.

Of course, this caught my attention! Is this really true? Is it valid that women have a fear of socializing? Is it a valid point that women don’t schmooze like men? The implication is that men are better at building the social capital to advance their careers.

Let’s take one point at a time. I do believe that many women still feel that working hard is the best way to get ahead. Working hard yet being invisible in your company will not get you anywhere. While you are toiling away in your office long hours, men are working smarter by building social capital within the organization. Though this is a generalization, men do tend to be more visible. They promote themselves better than women. They take credit for their accomplishments and let other know the value that they bring; all this along with doing the tasks at hand. I’ve heard countless stories of women passed over for promotions due to a lack of visibility.

Lesson learned: Consciously put time aside to perform activities in your organization that will bring you more credibility and visibility. As an example, do you always work through lunch? Set aside at least one day a week to set up a lunch with a colleague. Be strategic about who you invite to lunch and widen your circle; increase your web of influence.

Next point: women are fearful of socializing. I do not believe this is true. Women love to socialize and, in fact, excel at building relationships. So what does the author of this article mean? I think the point is that women socialize differently than men. When it comes to building social capital to advance their careers, men are more direct.

In the article, Liz Cable, a social media expert, says,

I think when women hear the phrase  ‘social network’, they hear social. Men hear network….Women are not promoting themselves in the right way. Many of them are slipping under the radar because they are afraid of people they don’t know saying no, either in person or online. Men don’t worry so much about rejection – they just go for it.

Despite 84 percent of users on the main social networking sites being  female…twice as many men as women are likely to approach an unknown contact from an online network for business purposes’

Interesting statistic. Do you believe this is true? I’m not sure where the facts come from, but the point is still a good one.

Lesson learned: Widen your social circle online as well as in person. Make it a point to be more strategic about your online connections and contact people who will be able to build your business or increase your visibility in some fashion. It’s nice to accept invitations from others to connect online, but you can also be in control of who is in your network. Everyone who wants to be your “friend” online, may not be your best choice of a network contact. Do your own searches. Request introductions. Take the time to strategically build your network. Don’t leave it to chance.

I personally do not believe that women fear socializing. I just had the opportunity last week to do a presentation at the eWomen’s Network Boston Metro West chapter. Many of these networking organizations are now taking a different approach to the meetings in that they are facilitating networking by structuring activities that force women to connect, introduce themselves, and ask for what they need from others. I think this is great practice for women and I wondered to myself as I was participating in this exercise, if the dynamics of the meeting might change if men were present.

The author of the Times article expresses her point of view on women’s networking events,

In a business world still dominated by men, networking solely with other women is not much use.

There are many networking opportunities for women. For women who need practice promoting themselves and pitching their businesses, this is great. If your target audience is women, this is a great venue. However, I think we, as women, need to be more strategic with in person networking as well.

Lesson learned: Expand your networking events to include those events that have both men and women to build the social capital you need to advance your career and build your business. Be visible in your community through charity events. Volunteer to manage committees or projects at work that will help you stand out and then, of course, take the credit when you are successful.

Women are great at socializing but I think we need to be more strategic about how we network, who we include in our social networks, and how to promote ourselves to create the credibility and visibility we are need to advance our careers and build our businesses.

I would love to hear your thoughts on women and networking. Are we good at it?

Here is an excerpt from my interview with Lois on personal branding.

“This is probably one of the most important things I think right now. As the economy has gotten tighter, as jobs have gotten harder to land, you need to see yourself as a personal brand. And when you think about brands, we buy brands because we trust them. We know them. If you’re a brand, then you need to be communicating why should people trust you. Why should they buy you? One of the ways you do this, and I actually have an acronym I use for this. It’s called WALLET to build your brand: W‑A‑L‑L‑E‑T.”

“What I say to women is “Write down” what you want people to say about you when you walk out of a room. There’s a word on the street about all of us. It’s what people say about us when we leave a meeting, but you can craft that. You can decide what you want that to be, so write it down.”

“The A stands for “act on it.” It’s not enough for me to write down what I want you to say. Now I have to identify the behaviors that I have to engage in for you to see those things about me. So if I want you to see me as self confident, what do I have to do? I may have to speak more loudly. I may have to speak more often. I may have to use numbers more often, which means I need to do the research. So write down the actions that you have to accompany the brand statement.”

“The first L stands for “Look to the edge.” That means look to the edge of your playing field. What are the women doing in your organization who are successful? because they’re playing their game at the edge of the playing field. Games aren’t won in the middle of the playing field. They’re won at the edge. So look at what the other women are doing, and most of the time, emulate those behaviors. There are always exceptions, as I said.”

“The second L stands for “Let other people know about it.” You could have the best brand in the world. But if you don’t talk about your achievements and your accomplishments, don’t expect other people to kind of dig them up. So there are subtle ways you can do that. There’s a wonderful book that’s called “Brag: The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It” by Peggy Klaus that I recommend women read. Learn how to brag a little bit.”

“The E stands for “Elicit feedback.” All brands do brand research, or do focus groups. Well, your focus group is 360‑degree feedback. It’s getting feedback from the people who work with you, who work for you, who you work for, clients, customers all around you. Find out what they’re saying about you. What are they saying about your brand? That’s the only way that you can hone your brand and make it a better brand.”

“And then last, the T stands for “Treat others with abundance.” I’m just a firm believer in the more you give away the more you get. So make abundance part of your brand.”

To hear more from Lois Frankel, you can listen to the archived interview:

http://www.voiceamerica.com/voiceamerica/vepisode.aspx?aid=42576

Also, check out my new January teleclasses:

Promote Yourself to Success (3 one hour sessions). $99. Class limited to 6

90 Day Action Marketing Group (6 one hour sessions). $99. Class limited to 6.

for more information and registration:

http://womenssuccesscoaching.com/services/group-coaching/

My recent radio interview with Deborah Kolb, PhD. was an eye-opener for me and I immediately recognized some of the mistakes and missed opportunities in my own career.

Deborah pointed out that when you are promoted to a new position, you must negotiate the conditions for your success. I admit that I succumbed to one of the basic blunders of being so flattered that I was blind to the potential challenges and obstacles. Can you relate to this?

The key question to ask yourself first is “why me, why now?” Look objectively at the situation and not only assess why you were offered the job at this point in time, but where are you most vulnerable? Why didn’t others get the job? Taking stock of the situation is vital to your ongoing success in your new position.

Determine where you are vulnerable. What resources do you need to be successful and negotiate for those resources upfront.

Make strategic alliances to support your efforts. Who are the key people in the organization or specifically on your team who need to better understand your value and what you bring to the new position? Identify these people and create a strategic plan to promote your credibility either directly or indirectly.

The lesson here is that a promotion does not speak for itself. People don’t automatically accept you in the new role. Support doesn’t necessarily line up behind you simply because you were promoted and perhaps have the endorsement of senior management.

Assess the situation and determine what you need to be successful and before you accept the promotion, negotiate for what you need.

On the one hand, if women are assertive, they are considered pushy: the bitch, and their like-ability factor is low. When they show their softer feminine qualities, they are labeled a bimbo and their competence is questioned.

Case in point: Carly Fiorina experienced this when she was CEO of Hewlett Packard. “In the chat rooms around Silicon Valley, from the time I arrived and until long after I left HP, I was routinely referred to as a “bimbo”, or a “bitch” – too soft or too hard, and presumptuous, besides.”

Dominance and assertiveness  is accepted in men, less so in women, and so, the challenge for women leaders is that the doubts about their competence or about their perceived warmth lead to a resistance to their leadership authority.

How do we deal with this double bind? We, as women, need to embrace a leadership style that shows not only our competence and strength, but also our warmth and caring nature. We need to be aware of how we communicate and consciously modify our message to the target audience and/or culture of our organization.

What is the culture of your organization and what does the culture support in terms of leadership style?

How do you effectively promote yourself in your organization?

Sometimes it is appropriate to step up and take credit. In other instances, the best way to increase your credibility is to spread the word through other key people in your organization. Build strategic networks and feed information to your network contacts. Win over the skeptics and do the strategic behind the scenes work to promote your credibility.

Why don’t we do what we instinctively know we should do? Are our reasons valid or just excuses?

Often our fears and limiting beliefs make up most of our “buts” and we sabotage ourselves by listening to these messages. They hold us back and keep us in our comfort zone.

Mixed messages relative to our professional success as women continually create this internal tug of war. We want to be successful, yet we worry about what the tolerance for our message is with our friends, colleagues, peers, prospects, and clients.

After all, we are women and as women we should be humble and polite and take the back seat. We have experienced the criticism of the Hillary Clintons of the world have received for being too pushy and aggressive. Yet all the business advice and media push calls for us to assert and promote ourselves as equals in the workplace. It’s this push and pull that creates the “yes, but” mentality.

We feel compelled to please everyone, yet we want to succeed. At some level, we are concerned that leadership positions and business success will make us seem pushy.

Can you relate to any of these “yes, buts”?

• Yes, I am accomplished, BUT it’s not right brag about it.
• Yes, I am ambitious, BUT I can’t appear to be too assertive.
• Yes, I deserve a higher salary, BUT I don’t feel comfortable asking for a raise.

What “yes, buts” do you recite to yourself all the time?

It’s time to connect with your confidence and do what you know is best for you to be successful.

No, “yes, buts”. Just a firm YES, I WILL!

Many of us are unaware that our body language sends important non-verbal messages and that other people process these messages on some level even if they are processing them subconsciously.

The lessons we learn from our childhood about how girls should behave (be polite, be humble etc) often translate into the way we present ourselves professionally.

Here are some common mistakes women make:

Crossing your legs. Did you know this is a sign of resistance?

Folding your arms in front of you. Are you aware that this sends a message of insecurity and defensiveness?

Smiling inappropriately. This can send a message that you are not serious.

Sitting in meetings with your arms  under the table. Observe men at meetings. Confident men rest their elbows and hands on the table and lean forward.

Tilting your head in conversation can soften your message and can also be interpreted as a lack of commitment in what you’re saying.

No eye contact. This is a sign you are uncomfortable or unsure of yourself.

The overall lesson here is that we need to be aware how we present ourselves as professionals. We may be unconsciously sending cues that are sabotaging our career efforts. While we may be extremely competent and excel at our job, our body language may be protraying us as someone entirely different.