S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G Your Comfort Zone
I truly enjoy working out. My favorite activity is running outside. I also work out regularly in the gym. What has always been a challenge for me is s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g.
If you are a yogi and can naturally put your foot behind your head or sit in a pigeon for hours without groaning, I don’t think you’ll be able to relate to this post. However, if you’re like me and you enjoy being active every day and are constantly challenged by the amount of time you can devote to your physical activity and will do almost anything to avoid stretching, you are my soul mate.
Sitting in meetings all day, commuting into the city, regular airline travel (ugh!) add to my overall stiffness. Certainly being positioned in front of a computer all day doesn’t help either! This is when I need to stretch the most, but it’s also when it hurts the most.
I was able to make a yoga class this weekend and listened carefully when the instructor said to pay attention to your body. If you are in a pose and something hurts, that’s most likely where you need the stretch the most and where your body puts up the most resistance. And he’s so right!
So I started to think about stretching in general; not just our bodies but stretching our comfort zones in our professional lives. Does the same theory apply? Is it valid that the more we need to stretch to learn new skills and take on more responsibilities, the more it hurts (i.e. the more we resist)?
There is no doubt that we are all more content in our comfort zone. We feel accomplished and productive. We are terrific at what we do. So it is natural that when we are faced with challenges that push us out of this comfort zone, we resist on some level. Perhaps we fear failure and that would certainly hurt. Perhaps we resist learning something new because our ego is so attached to doing it our way.
Whatever the reasons may be, it’s important to note that pushing yourself out of your comfort zone at work is just as important as stretching your body to maintain your health and fitness. Certainly, volunteering for high profile projects and taking on more responsibility at work all contribute to learning some new skills to add to your resume and will help you to advance your career.
Next time you go to stretch your calf muscles or hamstrings, remind yourself that you also need to stretch yourself at work if you want to advance your career. It may hurt a little at first, but just like the physical stretch it will benefit you in the long run.
Revisiting the Double-Bind
Women have had to deal with the double-bind or “backlash effect” in business for decades and it has frequently been the topic of many discussions about how women can overcome this prejudice to advance their careers.
In a nutshell, this double-bind is:
To be successful, you must be assertive and confident, but if you are aggressive as a woman you are sometimes punished for behaving in ways that are contrary to the feminine stereotype.
Now, there is a new study from Stanford Graduate School of Business that shows:
In the business world, women who are aggressive, assertive, and confident but who can turn these traits on and off, depending on the social circumstances, get more promotions than either men or other women.
The research suggests that for women to be successful they must simultaneously present themselves as self–confident and dominant while tempering these qualities with displays of communal characteristics.
Women who had more masculine traits (defined as aggressive, assertive, and confident) AND who could temper their behavior (self-monitor their behavior) depending on social circumstances, were actually more successful than either men or other women.
The key is to learn how to self-monitor your behavior. It is still vitally important to assert yourself confidently in the business environment. If you want to advance your career, you need to establish visibility and credibility for yourself. People associate competence with confidence so the more confident you are, the more others will perceive you as competent.
“There is no evidence that ‘acting like a lady’ does anything except make women more well liked,” O’Neill said. “Women with ultra–feminine traits, in fact, are still seen as less competent in traditional managerial settings.”
That being said, it is also important to know when to listen, acknowledge others, and work and empower your team. When your behavior comes across as too self-serving, you will get that “backlash effect”.
“The interesting thing here is that being able to regulate one’=’s masculine behavior does not simply put women on par with men, it gives them even more of an advantage,” notes O’Neill. “This shows that for women who do want success at the managerial level, the paths are there.”
This is certainly encouraging news. Yet I find that learning to assert oneself appropriately in the work place, still remains an issue for many women.
What are your thoughts about the double-bind?
Leave Your Ego at the Door
I just got back from my Saturday morning yoga class. I look forward to this class all week to help me deal with the stress my body seems to store up all week long. I don’t profess to be a yogi. In fact, my body tends to be tight from years of running and traveling for work. (That’s why I really need this class.) But most of all, I need the lessons from the yoga instructor who tells us every week to leave our egos at the door and go with the flow.
As I was driving home from the class today, I began to think more about how difficult it is to leave our egos out of our daily activities. I was thinking specifically about self-promotion. Is it all ego driven?
My intent is not to get into a heavy philosophical discussion here, but this is intriguing to me. Yes, our ego will push us to be the best we can be; to advance our careers and take advantage of opportunities that present themselves. Thinking strategically about our career can in itself be ego-driven I suppose. What I have discovered in my work with female professionals is that when they lack a strong sense of self-esteem, self- promotion is much more challenging.
I decided to find out exactly what the difference is between self-esteem and ego and found some clarity.
According to this online dictionary, self esteem is ” a balanced and unexaggerated self respect and self love. It combines a healthy regard for the self with a healthy regard for others. Healthy self esteem esteems others as equally as the self. Others are treated and regarded as respectfully as the self.”
“ Ego, on the other hand, always believes in its own self importance above the importance of others. Ego always requires outside approval, validation, and constant attention and gratification. Ego believes in its own superiority above all others. Some versions of ego insist on inferiority as a role. Both inferiority and superiority are lies though, and variations of the same theme — of feeling “less than” others.”
If you agree with these definitions, than self-promotion is not necessarily an ego-driven activity. It truly depends on what motivates your actions. It is possible that the act of promoting yourself can come from a place of healthy self-esteem. In fact, that’s the more desirable approach because when you believe in yourself, you promote yourself with authenticity. It’s this authenticity that will improve your self-promotion efforts. You are more credible when you believe in yourself. Self-confidence comes across to others as competence.
It’s when you are motivated solely through your ego, that self-promotion takes on the qualities that most of us detest. This type of self-promotion comes across as bragging and pushiness.
Lesson: Leave your ego at the door.
Stay connected with your unique qualities and strengths and promote yourself authentically. Don’t try to prove your superiority over others. Staying true to yourself and your talent will get you much more attention in the long run.
Are You Connected to Your Value?
Think about it. When do you feel the most stress at work? According to author Tony Schwartz in a recent post on Harvard Business Review, we feel the most stress when our value is threatened.
Across more than 200 studies of the effects of stress, researchers have found that the highest rises in cortisol levels — meaning the most pernicious “fight or flight” response — are prompted by “threats to one’s social acceptance, esteem and status”.
When someone puts us down or criticizes us, we not only get upset and feel under- appreciated, but very often we move into a defensive state of mind.
To feel valued (and valuable) is almost as compelling a need as food. The more our value feels at risk, the more preoccupied we become with defending and restoring it, and the less value we’re capable of creating in the world.
Two things struck me as significant in this statement. First, are we so disconnected to our value that someone elses criticism can throw us off guard and upset us? And as a result of this disconnect, how is it possible that we become so focused on defending our value that we can actually lose our value in the process?
First let me address the disconnection. Our lives are so crazy busy these days, it’s all we can do to keep up with our responsibilities at home and at work. Everyday we are running at full speed and focusing on completing our to-do list. How often do we take the time to identify our strengths and establish a lasting connection to our value? Without a strong connection to our value, we are trying to navigate a boat through strong currents without a rudder.
Tony Schwartz suggests, “Our challenge is always to reconnect to our own core value — even when someone else’s criticism cuts deep. What that requires, first and foremost, is compassion for ourselves.”
I think we need to take this one step further and intentionally make the connection to our core value. Take the time to identify what makes you unique; your strengths. Make a note each day of your accomplishments and successes in a journal and think about what these achievements say about you. This is your value proposition. No one can take this away from you. It is the foundation of how you promote yourself at work. This is your rudder.
With this connection to your value, no one will be able to set you so off course that your only new course is to defend yourself. Stay focused on your value and even if you are temporarily upset when someone puts you down, you will be able to quickly get back on track.
You Gotta Crow: The Benefits of Bragging
Do you remember Peter Pan telling Wendy “I’ve Gotta Crow”? Wendy says to him, “Oh Peter, you’re so conceited”, and he replies with his song:
It’s just that I am what I am
And I’m me!
I look at myself
And I see in myself
All the wonderful things that I am
If I’m pleased with myself
I have ev’ry good reason to be.
What do you see in your mirror? My guess is your focus in more related to your perceived flaws that “all the wonderful things” that are unique and wonderful about you.
That being said, I think that somewhere deep down we all understand that we do have wonderful things to brag about, but we bury them because bragging is not acceptable in our society, especially for women. Sometimes we bury the positives so well it’s difficult to uncover them. The consequence is that we become disconnected to our positive qualities and more connected to what we consider to be our weaknesses. Just ask any woman to talk about her weaknesses and see how long she can discuss the topic versus her difficulty acknowledging her accomplishments.
Of course, this is all intimately related to self promotion. It is vitally important to stay connected to your value and believe in yourself in order to promote yourself.
How do you do that?
Well, maybe we should all practice bragging!
I’m not saying that we should brag in public because I know that often backfires. What I am recommending is that you practice bragging to yourself. Every day find at least one thing to “crow” about. In fact, put bragging on your to do list. Brag a little, pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments and all your unique qualities.
One daily dose of bragging will boost your immune system and self confidence, and help you stay intimately connected with your value.
What would you like to brag about today? Write a comment!
Owning Our Success
Women are well positioned today to change workplace dynamics and use their strength and talent to assume more leadership positions. Thirty four percent (34%) of American women between the ages of 25 and 34 have bachelor degrees compared to 27% of men, and women have higher GPA’s and are more likely to receive higher graduate degrees.
We have what it takes to make significant changes, but we need to own our success to move forward. The reality is that currently women only hold 18% of top leadership positions. Yes, there is still gender bias as well as challenges balancing work and family for women who want to advance their careers. I believe it’s time, however, to change the focus from the obstacles to the opportunities. It’s time to take responsibility for our own advancement.
In 2010, McKinsey and Company published a report called “Women Matter 2010. Women at the Top of Corporations: Making it Happen.” As part of their research they asked 1500 executives across different industries what are the biggest barriers to increasing gender diversity within the top management of the company? Thirty eight percent (38%) of the women executives interviewed said they see the biggest factor as their hesitancy to promote themselves. In other words, the biggest factor was within their control to change!
It’s time to focus on what we can control; what we can do personally to own our own success and promote ourselves.
What does it take to own your success?
- Belief in yourself and an understanding of your value proposition.
- Taking credit and acknowledging your accomplishments.
- Speaking up and letting others know your opinion and thoughts.
- Advocating for yourself. Requesting sponsorship.
- Negotiating what’s fair and appropriate in salary and benefits.
- Letting go of language that minimizes and sabotages your credibility.
- Communicating your value to others.
- Being visible within your organization and community to showcase your skills and talent.
- Building and leveraging relationships that will assist you to reach your goal.
- Having a strategic and intentional focus to advance your career.
We need to own our success to be successful.
Embrace it.
Believe it.
Nurture it.
Communicate it.
Celebrate it.
Take advantage of my FREE 7 Day Boot Camp on Promoting Yourself for Career Success. Sign up on my home page. or on the right sidebar!
Can Our Strengths Also Be Our Weaknesses?
One of the exercises in my GPS Your Career workshop is to identify characteristics that differentiate you and contribute to your success. Last week when I delivered this workshop at MIT, someone asked the question, “What if your strengths are perceived by some people as a weakness?”
Here was the example given: I am a results driven aggressive business woman and this has contributed to my successful career, yet some of my colleagues view my aggressiveness as overbearing and pushy.
First of all, let me say that other people’s perception should not take away from the fact that you are successful because of these characteristics. The real question is do they recognize that these qualities contribute to your business success? Do they respect your track record of achievement? They may not “like” you because of their own feelings about successful women in business, aggressive women, perhaps their own insecurities. You should not discount your value proposition because of their feelings.
Secondly, when you are communicating your value proposition, it’s important to tailor your message to the recipient. Find out what motivates them, drives them, pushes their buttons. If you discover that someone may be uncomfortable with the way you are describing yourself, modify it but keep the core of the message the same. Think of other ways to describe yourself. Maybe you don’t use the adjectives “aggressive” and “results driven”. Instead stress your competence, your track record of meeting and exceeding expectations.
Always put a positive spin on what you bring to the table and keep in mind what you want the other person to think about you. Then think about what will resonate with them for the maximum impact based on what you know about them.
To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others. ~ Tony Robbins
Advocate for an Advocate
A recent Catalyst study demonstrates that mentoring does not help career advancement to the degree that sponsorship does. Mentoring is defined as career advice and guidance and sponsorship is advocacy. Usually sponsors have more senior positions than mentors, and it is their responsibility to advocate for an individual and pull them up the ranks to a top level position in the company. The study shows that men receive more sponsorship than women and this has a direct relationship to the number of men promoted to top positions. Women receive more mentoring and, in fact, are sometimes “mentored to death” with no upward mobility.
The recommendation from Harvard Business Review and Catalyst is for organizations to adopt formal sponsorship programs similar to IBM Europe. Companies now understand the impact of diversifying their talent pool, especially in leadership roles.
However, the companies that have formal sponsorship programs are few and far between.
High performing women need to take control of their own career advancement. They need to advocate for an advocate or sponsor. They need to be their own PR specialist every day.
Here are some suggestions:
- Be proactive, intentional, and strategic. Communicate your intention to advance your career.
- Let others know within the organization that you are seeking a sponsor. Your mentor might be able to help identify and facilitate this.
- Create visibility and credibility for yourself in the organization.
o Take on high profile projects.
o Make sure your position has P&L responsibility.
- Identify your value proposition. What do you bring to the table?
- Develop your web of influence (key stakeholders, decision makers, influencers, connectors) to assist you in reaching your goal.
o Build and leverage these relationships.
- Learn to communicate your value.
o Talk about what you bring to the table and tie it to business outcomes and results for maximum impact.
- Broaden your influence outside the company.
o Develop your subject matter expertise through social media, community organizations and board positions.
Here’s the bottom line: you need to take control of your career. If you have the goal of sitting in the C-Suite, start by communicating this goal to others and find out how you can get a sponsor to take you under his/her wings and move you up the ranks. You need to advocate for an advocate and create the visibility and credibility within the organization to get recognized and rewarded.
Need some help promoting yourself at work? I have 2 new programs designed to help you connect with your value and talent and communicate your unique value proposition to others to move up the corporate ladder.
It takes more than talent and hard work to get ahead, especially in this busy business environment. If you want to get promoted, you need to take control of your own career and learn how to differentiate yourself.
Both the Executive Mentor Program and the Private Coaching Program for Mid Level Managers can help you tackle your inner barriers to success as well as the external cultural barriers of your work environment.
Don’t waste any more time waiting to be recognized when you have the ability to move your own career forward. One-on-one coaching from an executive coach gives you the attention and focus to improve your leadership and management skills as well as your ability to promote your talent.
Have You Asked for a Promotion?
According to Donald Asher, author of Who Gets Promoted, Who Doesn’t and Why, “Bosses assume that any employee who doesn’t ask for more is satisfied with his job.”
If this is accurate, which I suspect it is, why don’t we ask about opportunities to move up?
Our hesitancy to ask for a promotion is more than likely related to our overall fear of self promotion. When we contemplate asking for a promotion, that nagging voice in our head chimes in with, “Who do you think you are?”, “Do you really think you’re worthy of a promotion?” “Your boss will laugh at you!”, “Aren’t you full of yourself?”
Do any of these negative questions sound familiar to you?
It’s time to put aside the negative self talk and focus on your talent and what you bring to the table. Listening to the negative self talk is sabotaging your career and can very well stand between you and a promotion.
Has it every dawned on you to be proactive and take control of your career?
Has it very occurred to you to ask for a promotion?
In preparation for a conversation with your boss, I recommend you do a bit of homework.
- Write out your value proposition and accomplishments.
- Describe how the work you do benefits the organization and your boss or department in particular.
- Make it clear in your request for a promotion that it has nothing to do with not liking your boss. State up front that you enjoy working with him/her and love the organization and are interested in new opportunities to rise to the next level.
- Ask for information about new opportunities and what, if anything, you need to do to move up. Determine if you need additional skills or if you need to enlist allies within the organization to support your promotion.
- Once you set your sights on a specific position, put a strategic action plan in place to communicate your value proposition to the key influencers and decision makers.
If advancing your career is what you want, you need to take action. Don’t assume that your boss knows that you are interested in moving up. Asking about new opportunities will lead to a dialogue about what is available and what you need to do to get promoted.
Join me for a free call, this Thursday, December 8th to help you communicate your value to others to get that promotion or get new clients. Using Benefit Language to Sell Your Way to Millions or Hit the Top Rung.
For more information and registration, click here.
Using Benefit Language: What’s in it for Them?
Basic sales training instructs us to use what are called WIIFM’s, “What’s In It For Me?” statements. WIIFM’s focus our sales efforts on how our product or service benefits the customer. They are meant to shift our mindset from our own agenda to what the customer wants and needs.
It has been my experience that using this benefit language is often the missing piece in elevator pitches as well as the communication of personal brand messages. As a result, many of our pitches fall flat. The use of benefit language makes an impact on our audience.
If you are an entrepreneur, think about your own elevator pitch. Do you make this important connection from your product or service to your customer’s wants and needs? A simple way to do use benefit language in your pitch is to state clearly what you do and then add, “what this means to you is”…
Here is an example. I could say, “My name is Bonnie Marcus and I coach women entrepreneurs to promote themselves effectively.” OR, I could say, “My name is Bonnie Marcus and as a professional coach, I help women entrepreneurs overcome their negative beliefs about self promotion, feel more confident and comfortable selling, so they can grow a successful thriving business.”
The same principle holds true for personal branding. Perhaps you have identified your value proposition, but do you use benefit language to state the business impact?
For instance, maybe I’ve identified that my value proposition is building strong teams. That statement alone does not have as much impact as when I tie it to business results. Find out what matters to your contact and make the connection for them.
Here’s how you could tailor your message.
” I build strong teams. What that means to my organization is that I help create more loyal, happy, and productive employees. Increased employee satisfaction means less turnover, lower employee acquisition and training costs. Also more productive employees means faster turn around on projects that results in more satisfied and loyal customers.”
Get the idea?
Don’t assume that people automatically connect the dots and bridge the gap between what you offer and how they can benefit. Don’t leave it to chance. Everyone wants to know what’s in it for them. Clearly communicate the benefit and the business impact to make your pitch or brand statement more powerful.
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