An Important Lesson From My Mother About Positive Attitide
My mom is in her nineties and she is constantly telling her friends to focus on what they can do; not to dwell on what they used to be able to do when they were younger. “That will get you depressed. Having a positive attitude is everything.”
It’s not easy getting old in our society. (That could be the subject of a whole other blog and is not the focus of this one.) What I really want to stress here today is the great lesson I have learned from my mom about having a positive attitude.
Mindset is everything when it comes to living a purposeful and fulfilling life. Mindset is everything when it comes to building a successful career. You can always look at the half empty glass and bemoan your lack of progress. You can always see a glass ceiling as a formidable barrier to your success. But none of those perceptions help you to move forward. Not only will they keep you stuck and frustrated, but can contribute to your unhappiness.
So it’s Mother’s Day and as I write this blog to honor my own mother and the best lesson she taught me, I want to use this opportunity as well to remind you that your mindset about your life and career shape your life and career. What you believe is what will happen!
Happy Mother’s Day!
Do You Believe You Are Good Enough To Succeed?
I recently addressed a large audience of women at the annual NAPW conference in New York City. I asked them to raise their hands if they considered themselves to be ambitious. Most everyone raised their hands with much enthusiasm. I then asked them to keep their hands up if they were ready to take action for their ambition. All the hands stayed up.
That was a great response but in reality how many of us truly believe that our ambition will be rewarded and recognized? How many of us believe we are worthy of this recognition and most importantly, how many of us will take positive action to realize our goals? The truth is that the negative preconceived perceptions we have about our ability to succeed will sabotage our success. And these deeply held beliefs we have about not being good enough will continue to work against our success no matter how ambitious we say we are.
These belief systems are formed early in our development. Brain science teaches us that if we believe we are unworthy, we will continuously look for situations to validate that this is so. What this means is that on a conscious level, we look for opportunities to advance our careers, but on an unconscious level we seek to validate our unworthiness. This unconscious pursuit will undermine our promotion efforts unless we are aware of our limiting beliefs in this area.
According to Dr. Jacqui Grey, author of Executive Advantage,
“We look for evidence to validate our existing beliefs, and the filters ensure that is all we see. These form patterns which our brains recognize, sometimes erroneously because our brains are recognition machines: they will take the best pattern match rather than look for contrary evidence.”
This is tricky, isn’t it? How do we counter this unconscious sabotaging behavior?
Dr. Grey states,
“Executives can substantially improve their promotion prospects just by looking for evidence that confirms their capabilities rather than their flaws.”
Keeping a success journal can help you to disregard your preconceived perceptions and build new neural pathways to support more positive beliefs.
To help you figure this out, ask yourself these questions:
Am I ambitious?
Do my actions support my ambition?
If not, what is really getting in the way?
Perhaps your self-doubt is the answer. Perhaps you truly don’t believe you are worthy of success. Understanding what possible limiting beliefs you may have and how they are keeping you from reaching your goals is critical to taking positive action to support your ambition.
5 Danger Signs That Complacency Will Derail Your Career
It’s wonderful to feel fulfilled at work, comfortable with your colleagues, your boss, and the company. If you truly enjoy your work why would you even consider pushing yourself out of your comfort zone?
The danger is that being too complacent can derail your career.
Dictionary.com’s definition of complacency is “a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc.”
If you assume that the status quo will remain in place, you are setting yourself up to be blindsided. If you stay in the safety of your complacency without a notion as to what’s happening in the company or in your industry, your safety zone can become a danger zone overnight. Changes are occurring all around you that can make your skills and competencies obsolete. Potential mergers and downsizing can be potential landmines unless you are tapped into the politics of the company and listening carefully to the warning signs that change is about to happen.
Here are five signs that your complacency can derail you.
1. You are no longer striving to do your best.
In this highly competitive job market, there are many people who would love your job. If you have been doing just enough to get by, beware. You must continue to add value and meet and exceed expectations to keep your job.
2. You are not staying up to date in your field and industry.
When was the last time you took a course or attended an industry conference? Do you regularly read trade magazines, ezines, and journals? It is easy to lose your credibility overnight. The next new hire on your team can show up with excellent credentials and want your job. In my recent interview with Anne Weisberg, Chief Strategy Office of the FutureWork Institute, she cites nurturing your ambition as critical for women’s leadership advancement and this means learning to master your expertise.
3. You are not seeking or taking advantage of new opportunities.
If you don’t seek or take advantage of opportunities your skills become stale. Doing the same thing over and over gets boring. You remain invisible. Key stakeholders and decision makers don’t know the value that you contribute. How will you be able to position yourself if the company reorganizes or changes in any way?
Look for opportunities to work on new projects and maintain your credibility, expand your skill set, and increase your exposure across the company.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/bonniemarcus/2013/04/12/5-danger-signs-that-complacency-will-derail-your-career/
10 Assumptions That Sabotage Your Career
I’m sure most of us are unaware of how often we make assumptions. We make assumptions every day about how other people think and feel, and these assumptions then lead us to behave in ways that sabotage our relationships, our careers, and erode our self-confidence. We make assumptions based on gender and race. We make assumptions and judge people based on their background, education, religion and age.
Have you ever thought about how dangerous it is to make assumptions?
We certainly don’t want others to make unsubstantiated judgments about us, right? We don’t want the decision makers in our company to assume that because we are women or that we are mothers, that we are less competent or less committed to doing the job or taking the promotion. Yet, how many times do we sabotage ourselves because we ourselves make false assumptions?
Here are the top 10 assumptions that can prevent you from getting ahead.
- You assume that people understand how valuable you are to the organization even if you don’t tell them.
- You assume that people will recognize and reward you even if you don’t let them know what you’ve accomplished on a regular basis.
- You assume that you will get promoted just because you are talented and work hard.
- You assume that if you are assertive people won’t like you.
- You assume that it’s important that everyone like you in order to get ahead.
- You assume that embracing the workplace politics is just for men.
- You assume that networking means connecting with people you like and know.
- You assume that the salary or raise you are offered is the best final offer.
- You assume that if you negotiate for a raise it will be viewed negatively.
- You assume that opportunities will surface solely because of your excellent track record.
Are you guilty of making any of these assumptions? Which ones?
These assumptions are sabotaging your efforts to accelerate your career!
Take control of your own career destiny and make it your intention to let go of these assumptions and do the work to move yourself forward.
Saying No Means Saying Yes to Success
It took me a long time to learn this. I suffered from the disease to please! When I first started my business, I wanted every client and I would bend over backwards to accommodate them, even if it meant putting my own needs aside. As a result, my schedule was crazy and it was difficult to be productive and stay focused.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try to do everything to make your clients/customers happy, but not when you are potentially sacrificing your own well-being and income. There is a smarter way to work and that involves planning and setting boundaries.
In what way does “saying no” improve your business or career?
Here’s an example from my own business. I didn’t plan my time well and so I would book clients all week at all times. This resulted in a chaotic schedule that left me no time for planning, writing, networking, marketing and administrative tasks associated with running a business. At best I had an hour in between appointments and that was not enough time to settle in and focus. I had to prepare for my next client. Because I had no time during the week, I ended up working every weekend. The result: burnout.
When I was working in corporate, I suffered the same disease to please and let everyone else control my schedule. I realize that to some extent we are at the whim of others as an employee. We still have the ability to “say no” to some meetings or ask to move appointments to better fit our schedule.
The first step to take control of your schedule and improve your productivity is to time block. Set aside periods of time during the week when you can close your office door or shut off your phone and do the work necessary to help your business and career.
The second step is to honor your schedule as best you can and “say no” when appropriate.
As an example, I set aside Monday and Friday each week for networking, research, writing, and planning. I fill the other days with client appointments and my radio show.
At my suggestion, one of my coaching clients who owns and manages a small business has started to time block and close her door and this has significantly improved her ability to manage her business. Before, her employees would constantly interrupt her and she was frustrated and unproductive. She now has time each week to do the planning and administrative tasks that she previously was spending nights and weekends doing.
My corporate clients have been able to shift their mindsets from being “doers” all week to thinking more strategically about their careers and setting aside quiet time to reflect and network to build relationships in the company. This is the first step in moving from a manager to a leader.
This all may sound simple but by planning and “saying no” you will see a tremendous improvement in your productivity and well-being.
Imagine: More time to be strategic, to accomplish tasks, to plan, to network and grow your business or build your career, and less stress.
Try it and let me know how it goes!
Your Emotional Reaction Could Sabotage Your Career
The trigger could be any number of things. The project you have spent months working on gets cancelled without warning. A colleague steals your idea and presents it as his/her own to senior management. You discover that the promotion you have been waiting for is given without an explanation to someone else who you think is an incompetent jerk.
How do you react? Chances are these types of situations trigger an emotional reaction. It could be anger, frustration, or depression. Maybe you want to lash out and send a nasty email or seek revenge. Perhaps you withdraw and become passive aggressive and uncooperative. These are all emotional responses that are not viewed favorably in the workplace. In fact, emotional reactions like these can sabotage your career. So how do you control your natural reactions to upsetting situations? When is it ok to be emotional and let others know how you feel?
When we are emotional, we are not thinking rationally. Our judgment is blurred. So the first recommendation is to just STOP and do nothing. A quick reaction will more than likely be counterproductive. In fact, chances are you will regret the nasty email, the tearful outburst, the angry response.
Stop yourself from immediately reacting and do whatever it takes to calm down: count to 10, take deep breaths, go for a walk, or meditate. After some quiet time you will be able to not only calm down, but you will think more rationally. Now you can decide the best way to handle the situation.
Take your time until you feel your intense emotions dissipate. Then and only then will you be able to think clearly and calmly communicate your feelings and opinions in a way that others will respect. They may not agree with you, but they will respect your ability to state your opinion without emotional overtones.
It’s great to be passionate about your job and your business, but it’s important to know when that passion becomes so emotional that it can sabotage your success.
Have you faced an emotional situation at work lately? How have you reacted?
Unplug and Live a Healthy Productive Life
One of the first things I recognized at the onset of my long journey to Kenya was that I would be —unplugged— and disconnected from my smartphone, email and social media for several days. I tell you this with the full recognition that I am addicted to technology. I am guilty of continuously checking email, having my phone on my bedside table at night, and all the bad habits associated with this addiction.
After my recent interview with Camille Preston, PhD,—author of Rewired, I see very clearly that I am “overwired” and have created a strong dependence on my iphone and computer for the continual access to information.
The consequence of being overwired is far reaching. This addiction affects your health, sleep patterns, your relationships. On the flip side, when you are not constantly connected, the result is that you are more productive. You work smarter and as a consequence achieve greater success in your career. Listen to the interview for more details.
So now I’m on a 20+ hour journey to a country where I cannot connect. Will it break me of my addictive behavior? Without the proper computer adapter, I must rely on my computer battery which is limited. I find myself only checking email a couple of times a day. It’s my only source of communication with my family, friends and business. I am amazed to discover that I can do this!
The interesting side note to all of this is that I am presenting at a women’s leadership conference in Nairobi. Women from six different east African countries and from different industries are present. What I find half way across the world may surprise you. They are also constantly connected to their blackberrys and phones! Who knew?
It still remains my intention to break myself of this unhealthy and unproductive behavior.
How many of you are overwired as well? Let’s create an intention together to:
- Not sleep with the phone at our bedside
- Not check email after 8 pm
- Unplug during meals
- Set a reasonable time table for checking emails and social media during the work day.
Are you with me?
Email me your intention and we can hold each other accountable and move together to live a better life and be more purposefully productive.
Evict Your Obnoxious Roomate: The Negative Self-Talk That Holds You Back
Last week I attended the Pennsylvania Conference for Women and had the pleasure of hearing Arianna Huffington speak. She shared her ideas about what it takes to be successful for a woman in business today.
My biggest take-away from her talk was when she spoke about the obnoxious roommate, that nagging voice in our head that constantly tells us that we arent good enough. Im sure you are all familiar with this voice. You cant do this. You should have said this. This roommate moved into our lives somewhere very early in our childhood and seems to have taken over the kitchen, Youre too fat, the living room, You should stay on the couch where its safe and you wont make any more mistakes, and the bedroom, No one will ever love you. You dont deserve it.
Do you have an obnoxious roommate like this who has taken over your life?
If so, how much attention do you give your roommate? How much of your energy does she consume each day?
Im certain that this roommate may be trying to protect you from harm by keeping you from playing big and getting hurt, but the end result is that if you give her voice credence, you never will be big. You will never get out of your comfort zone to expand your skills, your network, your personal and professional relationships, your career and your life.
Our quest for perfection starts at an early age. And since no one can possibly be perfect (there is no such thing as perfection after all even though we all chase it as if it were attainable), we will use any excuse to beat ourselves up for not measuring up. The quest for perfection and our obnoxious roommate, who is the voice to all this self-doubt, are relentless unless we tune it all out.
One sure fire way to quiet these voices is to create another louder voice to drown out the negative one.
Start keeping a success journal. Each day keep track of all your accomplishments, big and small, and each week review your entries and write down what all this says about you. This is the best way to quiet the obnoxious roommate in your life and let a new supportive and positive roommate move in.
Its your choice. Evict the obnoxious roommate and take control of your life and career or let her stay in your life knowing she will keep you from reaching your full potential. What will it be?
Investing in Your Business and Career: Coming to Terms with Your Issues
In my blog last week, Get Savvy: 10 Tips to Help You be Successful in Business, I talked about the things that I feel have helped me make my business successful. I asked for feedback and a few people responded that they thought that #3, Investing in Your Business, was critical for their success.
I thought it would be helpful to explore this and tell you more about my story.
Once I accepted the fact that I didnt have all the answers and that I needed to find the right people to help me move my business forward, I still hesitated. I didnt want to spend the money. I was frightened and I thought that I needed to make the money first before I spent it.
If you agree with this, I can tell you honestly that this ends up being a merry go round that will not move you forward. There comes a time when you need to make the decision to have a real business not just a hobby. Real business owners invest and re-invest in their business. There comes a time when you realize that if you want the career you know you deserve, you need to invest in yourself to help you move forward.
Taking the risk and using credit to pay for the services I needed was really scary to me. I was brought up to pay off credit cards and not carry balances; not to extend myself beyond what I could comfortably cover each month. So I was stuck. I knew that I needed some guidance but I wouldnt take the risk or invest in myself to get that help.
But there was much more going on.
- I had to address my issues about money. What did I learn from my parents about money that might be holding me back? Do you know what your money issues are?
- I had to face my own insecurities about the ability to make the money in the future to pay my bills. If you are unwilling to invest in your career and business, what does that say about your faith in your ability to be successful?
- I had to come to terms with my own relationship to success. Was I more comfortable playing small? What is your comfort zone?
I can tell you now that I have faced these issues head on and continue to work on them. I have invested big time in my business and it has made a huge difference. For one thing, I have learned valuable information that I would not have otherwise had at my disposal. Ive also found that its much easier to ask my potential clients to invest my services because Ive done it myself and have reaped the benefits.
If you really want a successful business and career, then step up and do what you need to do to get there. Step up and face your issues, invest in yourself and recognize that it could be you, and no one else that is holding you back from what you want.
12 Tips to Kick the Nice Girl Habit and Propel Your Career Forward
Who ever thought that being nice would work against our career advancement? Its not just being nice that sabotages us in the workplace. Its when you are so nice that everyone else comes first and you have an inordinate need for everyone to like you.
It may be our nature because of our upbringing to defer to others and consider others before ourselves. But its critical to understand how this type of behavior will sabotage your career and how you will become invisible in the workplace, lose respect and that others will perceive you as not being competent. In short, the nice girl behavior will hold you back from advancing your career.
When it comes to leadership, women face a cultural conundrum. Studies show that when women adopt certain behaviors believed to be essential to successful leadership such as assertiveness, they are evaluated more negatively than men. And when women behave in more feminine ways, such as being nice, they are perceived as less qualified than men.
That being said, if given the choice between being nice and being effective, most experts agree that women should choose to be effective.
Some tips on how to kick the Nice Girl habit:
- Identify what your nice behavior patterns are and put a plan in place to monitor and modify this behavior.
- Ask a trusted colleague for continual feedback.
- Envision who you want to be and act accordingly.
- Detach. Detach from your need to be one of them and everyones best friend. Detach from your emotional response.
- Stay fact-based instead of emotion based. Your job is not to be everyones best friend, but to help them achieve their career goals.
- Work on changing your behavior, attitude and expectations of doing a good job rather than being liked. Focus more on being respected and less on being liked.
- Find a balance between being reachable and letting your staff know clear expectation.s
- Be consistent, fair, and honest. If your employees know they can depend on you to be fair, they will recognize your not so nice actions are for the good of the company.
- Focus on relating skills such as asking, listening, coaching, encouraging AND requiring skills such as creating expectations, focusing on goals, setting controls, asserting point of view, confronting problems. If you push one skill set over the other consistently, it can hurt you.
- Be strategically nice. Women can use their Emotional Intelligence to their advantage and decide when and to whom they should be nice. There is a time to be nice and a time to make tough decisions and being nice can be viewed negatively at that time.
- Rethink your definition of nice. Nice doesnt mean doing things everyone wants and never making anyone mad. Nice doesnt mean pretending everything is always okay and never getting frustrated with people or situations. True nice is about being clear on your worth, being confident and in control, making the best choices you can in each situation, and acting consistently with a positive and professional attitude.
- Develop your true confidence and inner strength. This is key to learning how to own their power without needing to wield it over others. This confidence that comes from within will allow you to act in ways that are effective without needing to be liked at any cost. Its insecurities that can create an overly nice person.
Think about this: at the root of the desire to be nice is the need to have others think highly of you because you dont think that way about yourself.
Change how you feel about yourself, and you will no longer have the need to constantly please others and put yourself last.
BE NICE TO YOURSELF and you will stay on track for moving your career forward.
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