You Gotta Crow: The Benefits of Bragging
Do you remember Peter Pan telling Wendy “I’ve Gotta Crow”? Wendy says to him, “Oh Peter, you’re so conceited”, and he replies with his song:
It’s just that I am what I am
And I’m me!
I look at myself
And I see in myself
All the wonderful things that I am
If I’m pleased with myself
I have ev’ry good reason to be.
What do you see in your mirror? My guess is your focus in more related to your perceived flaws that “all the wonderful things” that are unique and wonderful about you.
That being said, I think that somewhere deep down we all understand that we do have wonderful things to brag about, but we bury them because bragging is not acceptable in our society, especially for women. Sometimes we bury the positives so well it’s difficult to uncover them. The consequence is that we become disconnected to our positive qualities and more connected to what we consider to be our weaknesses. Just ask any woman to talk about her weaknesses and see how long she can discuss the topic versus her difficulty acknowledging her accomplishments.
Of course, this is all intimately related to self promotion. It is vitally important to stay connected to your value and believe in yourself in order to promote yourself.
How do you do that?
Well, maybe we should all practice bragging!
I’m not saying that we should brag in public because I know that often backfires. What I am recommending is that you practice bragging to yourself. Every day find at least one thing to “crow” about. In fact, put bragging on your to do list. Brag a little, pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments and all your unique qualities.
One daily dose of bragging will boost your immune system and self confidence, and help you stay intimately connected with your value.
What would you like to brag about today? Write a comment!
What Do You Do?
Someone told me once that the first question Americans ask each other when they meet is, “what do you do? And I’ve noticed that this is true for the most part. Whether our first encounter with someone is at a cocktail party, a networking event, or the gym, people seem to want to know what we do more than anything else. Perhaps we ask this question because we think it’s the best way to find out more about someone with whom we want to connect. But is it also based on the assumption that once we know what someone does for a living, we know a lot about them?
This is an interesting blog post for me because my coaching work helps people answer this question and the advice I give about positioning yourself and communicating your value to others is the focus of many of my workshops. This post, however, is not about how you answer the question relative to your career. This post is about the importance of identifying and connecting with who we are as individuals because, quite simply, our profession has become our identity to a large extent.
Case in point: say you have decided to leave the work force to become a stay-at-home mom. You don’t have a “job” to speak of. When asked this question, your response may be more about what you used to do rather than what you are currently doing. In this situation, we can be defensive and even apologetic because we don’t place value on ourselves outside of a job.
Now I will ask a question that I often ask my clients relative to positioning themselves in the workplace, but with a new twist. Put your resume aside for a minute. What are you all about? What are your values? What are your strengths? Who are you today? What is unique about you? What have been your accomplishments as a person not an employee?
The answers to these questions help you define yourself as an individual. These are the unique core qualities that stay with you no matter where you work or what you do.
As much as I coach my clients to stay connected to their value proposition and understand what they bring to the table, I think it is also extremely important for us to realize that this is just a part of who we are. Our jobs do not define us. Our unique value proposition is who we are as individuals and that includes what we do, but what we do does not define our identity.
Owning Our Success
Women are well positioned today to change workplace dynamics and use their strength and talent to assume more leadership positions. Thirty four percent (34%) of American women between the ages of 25 and 34 have bachelor degrees compared to 27% of men, and women have higher GPA’s and are more likely to receive higher graduate degrees.
We have what it takes to make significant changes, but we need to own our success to move forward. The reality is that currently women only hold 18% of top leadership positions. Yes, there is still gender bias as well as challenges balancing work and family for women who want to advance their careers. I believe it’s time, however, to change the focus from the obstacles to the opportunities. It’s time to take responsibility for our own advancement.
In 2010, McKinsey and Company published a report called “Women Matter 2010. Women at the Top of Corporations: Making it Happen.” As part of their research they asked 1500 executives across different industries what are the biggest barriers to increasing gender diversity within the top management of the company? Thirty eight percent (38%) of the women executives interviewed said they see the biggest factor as their hesitancy to promote themselves. In other words, the biggest factor was within their control to change!
It’s time to focus on what we can control; what we can do personally to own our own success and promote ourselves.
What does it take to own your success?
- Belief in yourself and an understanding of your value proposition.
- Taking credit and acknowledging your accomplishments.
- Speaking up and letting others know your opinion and thoughts.
- Advocating for yourself. Requesting sponsorship.
- Negotiating what’s fair and appropriate in salary and benefits.
- Letting go of language that minimizes and sabotages your credibility.
- Communicating your value to others.
- Being visible within your organization and community to showcase your skills and talent.
- Building and leveraging relationships that will assist you to reach your goal.
- Having a strategic and intentional focus to advance your career.
We need to own our success to be successful.
Embrace it.
Believe it.
Nurture it.
Communicate it.
Celebrate it.
Take advantage of my FREE 7 Day Boot Camp on Promoting Yourself for Career Success. Sign up on my home page. or on the right sidebar!
The Invisible Promotion
Harvard Business Review published an interesting article recently, “Are You The Victim of An Invisible Promotion?” by Ron Ashkenas.
The post poses some direct questions to the reader about whether or not your role has changed significantly in the past six months and whether you have been given new responsibilities with no formal promotion or pay raise. Ashkenas reminds us that the practice of assigning more responsibility without changes in job title or description has become more common lately due to the reorganization and downsizing of companies.
I suppose that any of us who have survived downsizing feel very fortunate to still have a job. In this situation, we are more likely to take on more responsibility without a promotion because we not only feel lucky to have a job, but also somewhat vulnerable and sensitive to the instability of the company and the economy. We want to keep our jobs.
That being said, we also need to realize the value that we bring to our company and not let the fact that we have taken on more responsibility go unnoticed.
Ashkenas has some great advice:
…don’t wait for your boss or someone else to recognize that you’ve been invisibly promoted. Revise your job description or create some bullet points about what the job now entails. Have an honest discussion with your immediate supervisor about what it will take to achieve these expanded responsibilities, how you will develop the skills needed, what you may need to do differently, and what he or she can do to help.
I think that Ashkenas’s article has a special message for professional women. In my opinion and from my own business and coaching experience, I have witnessed that many women have difficulty standing up for what they want and need. Women are more likely to take on extra work without requesting a visible promotion or salary increase. In fact, I would go so far as to say that women are more likely to take on the responsibilities and wait to be noticed and recognized without taking the credit or taking the initiative to have a conversation and negotiate a better title and compensation.
One of the most significant mistakes that professional women make is believing that if they work hard and do a good job, someone will recognize and reward them.
Talent and experience are not enough. Hard work is not enough. We must learn to speak up for ourselves and communicate to others our value and accomplishments in order to advance our careers.
Ashkenas states:
..make your invisible promotion visible both to you and to your boss. It will give you the recognition you deserve and the support you need to make sure that you don’t unintentionally become a victim of the Peter Principle.
I might add to this: Don’t be the victim of the assumption that if you remain invisible others will recognize and reward you.
Why Do Car Salesmen Have a Bad Reputation?
Why do car salesmen have a bad reputation? Why do we hate those nagging telephone calls from strangers telling us to buy something? The reason, I believe, is that the sales techniques they use are impersonal and we often feel that something is being forced on us that we do not want or need.
The fact of the matter is that even if we do need the product or service that’s being promoted, we are so turned off by their approach, that we can’t wait to escape from the conversation. We say, “I’m just looking, thank you” and hope to be left alone or we hang up. Quite simply, we don’t like being told what we need and what we should purchase. Most of us like to make our own buying decisions.
With that in mind, it is important for anyone who is promoting their own product or service to be aware of how they themselves feel when they are being sold to. Very often, we are so focused on selling the product or service we provide, that we don’t take the time to tailor our message to the potential buyer. We don’t take the time to ask the right questions to see if, in fact, this person needs what we have to sell. If we use one generic approach for all potential buyers, we will not make the necessary connection with the person to close the sale.
Asking questions is, of course, a great way to ascertain if there is a need for what we are selling. Open ended questions such as, “how?”, “when?”, “where?”, “what?”, “how much?” elicit the information we need. The process of asking questions, listening, and responding, creates the foundation for a relationship and it is the relationship that is critical in the end to closing the sale. When a stranger tries to force us to buy something, we get agitated, defensive, and immediately put up a protective wall.
So maybe you’re not a car salesman. Maybe you’re an entrepreneur who must promote their services in order to grow their business. How does this apply to self-promotion? Do the same sales techniques apply when you are promoting yourself? Absolutely! When you are in a conversation and someone asks you what you do, you are certainly in the position to talk about your business and the benefits and value it provides for your clients. But how do you know if this person is a potential client unless you begin to ask them questions to get to know them better?
Remember how you feel when someone tries to sell to you. How do you feel when someone gives you a generic one-size –fits- all pitch? Ask questions that will help you get to know the person better. Ask questions to determine their need; their pain. Then deliver your own irresistible pitch so that they understand very clearly what you do and the energy and passion you have for your business. It may be that this person is not a potential client, but by establishing a relationship, you are setting the stage for referrals or even a future sale.
Are Women Good Networkers?
The Times Online from the UK, published an article in March called Why Women are Such Bad Networkers.
It’s no good thinking that hard work will get you anywhere. If you want to make it to the top, you’re going to have to overcome your fear of socializing and start schmoozing like men.
Of course, this caught my attention! Is this really true? Is it valid that women have a fear of socializing? Is it a valid point that women don’t schmooze like men? The implication is that men are better at building the social capital to advance their careers.
Let’s take one point at a time. I do believe that many women still feel that working hard is the best way to get ahead. Working hard yet being invisible in your company will not get you anywhere. While you are toiling away in your office long hours, men are working smarter by building social capital within the organization. Though this is a generalization, men do tend to be more visible. They promote themselves better than women. They take credit for their accomplishments and let other know the value that they bring; all this along with doing the tasks at hand. I’ve heard countless stories of women passed over for promotions due to a lack of visibility.
Lesson learned: Consciously put time aside to perform activities in your organization that will bring you more credibility and visibility. As an example, do you always work through lunch? Set aside at least one day a week to set up a lunch with a colleague. Be strategic about who you invite to lunch and widen your circle; increase your web of influence.
Next point: women are fearful of socializing. I do not believe this is true. Women love to socialize and, in fact, excel at building relationships. So what does the author of this article mean? I think the point is that women socialize differently than men. When it comes to building social capital to advance their careers, men are more direct.
In the article, Liz Cable, a social media expert, says,
I think when women hear the phrase ‘social network’, they hear social. Men hear network….Women are not promoting themselves in the right way. Many of them are slipping under the radar because they are afraid of people they don’t know saying no, either in person or online. Men don’t worry so much about rejection – they just go for it.
Despite 84 percent of users on the main social networking sites being female…twice as many men as women are likely to approach an unknown contact from an online network for business purposes’
Interesting statistic. Do you believe this is true? I’m not sure where the facts come from, but the point is still a good one.
Lesson learned: Widen your social circle online as well as in person. Make it a point to be more strategic about your online connections and contact people who will be able to build your business or increase your visibility in some fashion. It’s nice to accept invitations from others to connect online, but you can also be in control of who is in your network. Everyone who wants to be your “friend” online, may not be your best choice of a network contact. Do your own searches. Request introductions. Take the time to strategically build your network. Don’t leave it to chance.
I personally do not believe that women fear socializing. I just had the opportunity last week to do a presentation at the eWomen’s Network Boston Metro West chapter. Many of these networking organizations are now taking a different approach to the meetings in that they are facilitating networking by structuring activities that force women to connect, introduce themselves, and ask for what they need from others. I think this is great practice for women and I wondered to myself as I was participating in this exercise, if the dynamics of the meeting might change if men were present.
The author of the Times article expresses her point of view on women’s networking events,
In a business world still dominated by men, networking solely with other women is not much use.
There are many networking opportunities for women. For women who need practice promoting themselves and pitching their businesses, this is great. If your target audience is women, this is a great venue. However, I think we, as women, need to be more strategic with in person networking as well.
Lesson learned: Expand your networking events to include those events that have both men and women to build the social capital you need to advance your career and build your business. Be visible in your community through charity events. Volunteer to manage committees or projects at work that will help you stand out and then, of course, take the credit when you are successful.
Women are great at socializing but I think we need to be more strategic about how we network, who we include in our social networks, and how to promote ourselves to create the credibility and visibility we are need to advance our careers and build our businesses.
I would love to hear your thoughts on women and networking. Are we good at it?
Speak Up and Promote Yourself!
As women, we need to speak up more and create visibility for ourselves whether it’s in a meeting, an interview with media, or a conversation with colleagues at work. This topic comes up over and over again in my discussions with clients as well as guests on my radio show. In my recent interview with Toddi Gutner, the hesitancy of women to speak up and stand out surfaced again.
In the interview, Toddi talks about how important it is for women as a group to become more visible in the media. Visibility in the media supports and contributes to women’s leadership initiatives across all industries and government. The White House Project’s Benchmarking Women’s Leadership Report confirms the fact that women get less bylines in eleven of the top political and intellectual magazines and that this lack of visibility needs to be addressed in order for women to advance to leadership positions. Women need to be visible and credible.
Toddi also says from her experience as a reporter she finds that women are not only hesitant to promote themselves, but are also not always organized, can often ramble, and don’t come across with the same confidence as men. Men are much more declarative. They frequently respond quickly to her questions in precise, short and often quotable statements.
Both the White House Project and Toddi strongly advocate media training for women. I agree, of course, but also feel strongly that women need to learn how to promote themselves more effectively and feel comfortable delivering their message. We must get over our belief that we are bragging when we talk about ourselves in a positive manner. Certainly, bragging turns people off and, as women, we need to be especially mindful of this in the workplace. Outright bragging can sabotage our efforts to advance our careers, but done diplomatically and appropriately, it is possible to get our message across to become more visible in the organization. It is possible to learn this and do it well.
We have valuable experiences, information and stories to share. We need to speak up and promote ourselves!
What Is Your Attention Grabber?
I was in Orlando this past week with some colleagues training a medical device sales force on “purposeful communication”. “Purposeful Communication” is communication that has a goal or desired outcome and when applied to sales presentations, the objective is to create a sales presentation that is well organized around a desired outcome with your target audience.
Selling to a large or small group of potential decision makers has many similarities to promoting yourself and your business to prospective clients. One similarity is in the way you open a presentation. The opening of a sales presentation or “attention grabber” is much like the way you start your elevator pitch or promotional message.
Attention grabbers are just that. They are designed to get the attention of the audience from the start so that they will engage and listen to your message.
How effective is your attention grabber?
Here are some different suggestions on how to open your pitch to grab attention from the listeners.
- Open your pitch with a statement or question that creates some kind of an emotional bond. A good way to create an emotional bond might be to say, “Imagine yourself….. or how would it feel if….”. You can move your listener to a state of mind or emotion where they will connect with their need for your product or services.
- Ask a poignant question that demonstrates that you get their problem or challenges. “Have you ever experienced….? What do you do when….? etc.
- Share a story about yourself and your journey that connects with your business in some way. Maybe you experienced similar issues, overcame those issues and now are passionate about helping other people.
- Make a statement that has an unexpected ending or is surprising in some way.
- Use a quote or song title or lyric that people can easily identify with and fits well into your message.
Starting your promotional pitch with your name and company name is NOT a great attention grabber. You need to give people a reason to remember you before you give them this information.
Draw them in first with something that gets their attention and then talk about your business and the benefit your product or service will provide to them. NOW, they will remember your name and company!
What’s Your Story?
We all have unique stories to tell about our careers and our businesses. I did a presentation last week on self-promotion in Boston to the Downtown Women’s Club and heard many great stories from the attendees and I was reminded again how truly wonderful all our stories are. Each story reveals something personal about us.
What is the story behind starting our business? Where did the idea come from? Why did we choose to start this particular business?
What’s been our personal journey thus far? How have we taken our passion and turned it into a business?
What attracted us to a particular company and career?
When we incorporate stories into our promotional message, it creates a message that attracts listeners. People love stories so why don’t we tell them? Why do we hesitate tobe personal in our approach to self-promotion? Often we get so hung up on presenting a “professional” persona that we end up with a promotional pitch that falls flat.
If, in fact, the goal of a promotional pitch is to attract interest and be memorable, it only makes sense that we should infuse more of our personality and passion into the message.
What is your unique story and how might you include some of that story in your conversations about your business and career?
Telling your story can make a huge difference in a job interview. It’s certainly an improvement over just reciting your resume. Think of an appropriate story about your accomplishments that will set you apart from the other applicants.
At a networking event, how do you answer the question, “What do you do”? Keep the conversation lively by revealing something personal (o.k. maybe not too personal) about how and why you chose to start your business, about your passion for what you do. People will remember you as they also tune out everyone else’s boring elevator pitches.
In our quest to be professional, we create messages that are dull and forgettable.
Step out of the box and say something that will set you apart.
Isn’t that the goal after all? To have a message that people remember?
I’m offering a teleclass in November on “Promote Yourself to Success”. This class will be 3 consecutive Wednesday evenings 7-8 pm EDT starting November 4th. Three one hour sessions $99. Class limited to six.
Participants will:
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create a new promotional message
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develop an action plan for self-promotion
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practice delivering their message
http://womenssuccesscoaching.com/november-teleclass-workshop-registration/
Identify Your Web of Influence
Years ago, I went through a training program on customer retention that emphasized the importance of identifying a web of influence within a client account. The web of influence not only included the main contact or champion, but other individuals within the company that could “influence” your success. Having more than one contact is of the utmost importance to maintain stability and ongoing communication to retain the account and hopefully expand the current business. After all, what if your main contact leaves the company? Without more influential contacts in that organization, you are very vulnerable.
Of course, the same web of influence approach is vital for client acquisition as well. Early in any sales activity with prospects, identifying the key players and communicating consistently with all these individuals broadens your scope of influence and enhances your chances of landing the account.
Now let’s transition to the corporate world and the topic of career advancement. Identifying your own web of influence at work is key to your own success. What are your career goals? Who a re the major players in your organization that you need to be in front of consistently to advance your career?
Identify those key players and create your own personal sales plan for promoting yourself. In your plan, include action items that will create credibility and visibility with these individuals.
Carefully craft your message and practice the delivery of your message. What information do you want to communicate? How often? Like any other sales activity, your personal sales plan requires consistency and follow up.
Continue to look for opportunities to add to this internal network through special committees or projects.
The strength of your web of influence is determined by the individuals you select, how often your communicate, and the content of your message. Maintaining this web of influence is key to advancing your career.
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