She Stole My Idea and Here’s What I’d Do
My blog last week posed a theoretical situation to all of you about a woman who was very excited about an idea she had to move a stale project forward for her department. She shared her idea with a colleague at lunch and the colleague ended up presenting the proposal as her own at the senior staff meeting. So my question to all of you was what would you do? Would you let it pass? Would you confront her?
I want to thank all of you who sent responses. Thank you for your honesty, and thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on this important subject.
I think most of you would admit that you would be pretty angry and feel betrayed. Yet some of your responses indicated that you would let it go and not say anything.
Nancy shared this. “As far as the stolen idea goes, I would do nothing. It will eventually come out and you will be rewarded. If you scramble about who came up with the idea, you will just seem sort of.. I don’t know the right word. Also your co- worker knows that it was you. Besides the work is for the team right?”
Barbara offered this generous thought. “ I find that when I get into a situation that seems to rob me of my triumph the best thing to do is bless the person who stole the idea. Most likely she didn’t do it on purpose. We all can get great ideas. If I remain secure in my identity than this situation won’t rock my boat.”
Some of you would not directly confront your colleague, but would instead choose to address it with senior management later or simply let the truth reveal itself.
Chantay shared that this exact situation did happen to her and this is what she did. “ I allowed her to get the credit yet later on while alone with my boss, I told him the truth. How I made the suggestion and she stole it. He found her actions amusing. He was fully aware of my character and work performance, he believed and accepted every word I spoke. I just communicated the facts. It all worked out in my favor. Originally he thought what she did was fabulous, a great example of an employee going the extra mile. Afterwards he found her not so great which was his original opinion before this incident.“ Chantay also added that she refrained from having lunch with her co-worker after that.
Margaret added this. “It happened to me. Unfortunately for my male colleague he couldn’t come up with a suitable proposal or implementation plan and was caught when he confessed it wasn’t his idea or vision and so ended with egg on his face. I volunteered to do the project myself and no one lifted a finger because they knew that was my area of specialization. I just did not belabor the point that I was the expert.”
Balaji had a similar situation several years ago. “Fortunately, I was crazy enough to document the idea on email & share it with someone else as well; just to get feedback! Fortunately, that’s what saved me. After the meeting, I approached the senior management & informed them of the blatant plagiarism by my colleague & took the emails as evidence. The director sent out a correction in the weekly email, acknowledging me for the idea & the “colleague” was moved out to a different department, with a note to the HR. If not for that email conversation with another colleague, I probably would have still been cribbing. The lesson that this has taught me is to document official discussions, of any kind, on email!
There were also some responses that showed a more assertive approach.
Loretta shared this. “ I too am very creative by nature and someone who gets lots of ideas. I have more than once found myself in a situation where I have not gotten credit for a pivotal idea. I try really hard now to get my ideas in writing right away, like in an email to my supervisor, so I have a dated paper trail I can bring up when I claim an idea. I am very vigilant about acknowledging other people’s good ideas and also their input into my ideas, as in truth it is that synergy that I enjoy most, but I am not shy about claiming ideas are mine when they are and insisting that I be given credit for them when warranted.”
Jacqueline added this.” My initial thought would be to let the colleague speak about “her” idea, and then when she was done, stand up and say something like: Thank you, (insert name here), for that great synopsis. However, please allow me to elaborate on this idea which I presented to you yesterday. I had envisioned this and maybe even that, etc. Hate the thought of someone else getting credit for my own creative ideas!”
Michelle sent in this response. “I would have immediately chimed in, saying “Yes, and when we were talking about this yesterday (claiming at least partial ownership), I suggested to Diane that we approach it in this manner.” That way, you’re not in a “she stole my idea” situation, which reflects poorly on both of you (you for whining, and her for stealing), but instantly connects you to the idea and allows you to further lead the discussion, establishing a leadership position, when she likely brings nothing else to the table.”
Rebecca added this. “Allow your co-worker to conclude. If you are not acknowledged then diplomatically add to comments indirectly reprimanding your colleague. it was your idea and add credibility by stressing on pro’s and cons of the strategy. Say something to the effect of…”Thank you Mr/Ms X I couldn’t have presented the proposal better. The strategy was inspired by… I brought the plan to Mr X on Saturday and we discussed this at great length. We may have issues maneuvering with…(id them) and will need to monitor these, however, I feel that (outline factors) this makes for a strong case to really get traction on this project.”
Then Rebecca added this honest statement. “Having said that, I don’t think I’d be gutsy enough to pull this off…I’d probably go away and mope around a bit then not make the same mistake to disclose inspirations in future.”
Thank you so much Rebecca for your honesty!
Honestly, how many of you could think of ways to handle this directly yet choose not to do it because you lack the courage or self-confidence to do so? If so, do you then do what Rebecca says she would do, go away and mope?
The bottom line is that we all have our own communication style with which we are comfortable. Yet it’s important to realize that what we are comfortable with may not always be the best approach for our emotional and physical well-being, and it may also be sabotaging our careers.
Organizations reward employees for their positive contributions and women need to present themselves as competent and confident or they risk becoming invisible and losing respect.
We can learn to successfully balance assertive behavior which demonstrates this competence with kindness, niceness and helpfulness.
Next week, I will present some specific techniques on how to utilize assertive communication techniques that will help you get what you need in your personal and professional life.
She Stole My Idea and I Don’t Know What to Do
Sometimes ideas come to me at the strangest times, like when I’m taking a shower, at 2 am when I can’t sleep, or when I’m driving my car. But when a great idea comes along you know it right away, right?
This happened to me a couple of weeks ago. As I was driving my car, a light bulb went off. I suddenly thought of a terrific idea to move a struggling project forward. I was certain that this new innovative approach to a stale project would have a positive impact on the project as well as my department and I couldn’t wait to share it with one of my co-workers.
The next day I met my colleague for lunch and I was bubbling over with enthusiasm as I told her my idea. She was equally excited and validated my strategy and creativity. I couldn’t wait to present this at our next senior staff meeting later in the week.
In the senior staff meeting, we made our way through the agenda and the troubled project became the focus of our discussion. I was already thinking about the best way to present my idea when my colleague addressed the senior team with a potential solution; MY SOLUTION! She stole my idea!
My face immediately flushed and I could feel my heart rate accelerate. I didn’t know what to say or do.
This a theoretical situation but my question to you is this: What should I do in this situation?
Has this ever happened to you? What did you do and how did it turn out?
Please email me your thoughts and I will post them next week along with some of my suggestions for how to handle the situation.
How to Be Authentic and Climb the Corporate Ladder
For years, women in business were told to hide their feminine qualities and act more like men in the workplace if they wanted to get ahead. These days female leadership style is embraced for its collaborative approach, vision, and intuition, yet women still need to be mindful of how they present themselves and their ideas to be heard. Tune in for some valuable advice from women’s leadership expert, Sally Helgesen, on how to climb the corporate ladder and retain your feminine qualities and values.
Featured Guest
Sally Helgesen is an internationally acclaimed author, speaker, and consultant, and one of the world’s brand -name experts on women’s leadership and we are going to talk about the value women contribute to leadership positions and what women and organizations can do to take advantage of this. Sally’s most recent book, The Female Vision: Women’s Real Power at Work, explores this subject about how women’s insights can transform organizations. She is also author of the best-selling The Female Advantage: Women’s Ways of Leadership. This book was called “the classic work” on women’s leadership style. Her earlier book, The Web of Inclusion: A New Architecture for Building Great Organizations, was cited in The Wall Street Journal as one of the best books on leadership of all time. Sally has consulted with the United Nations Development Program on building more inclusive country offices and on strengthening women’s programs in Africa and Asia. She has led seminars at the Harvard Graduate School of Education and Smith College, Northwestern University and the Lauriston Institute in Melbourne Australia. Articles about her work have been featured in Fortune, The New York Times, Fast Company, and Business Week. She contributes a weekly blog at Forbes.com. For more information about Sally, visit her website, www.sallyhelgesen.com.
Listen to the January 9th, 2012 show.
Preparing for 2012
It’s a new year and another opportunity to celebrate! As the holiday season and 2011 come to a close, we welcome 2012 with much fanfare. Parties, fireworks, horn blowing and champagne mark the beginning of another year.
It’s also a great time for reflection. What was special about this past year? What was disappointing? We all have memories that we cherish from 2011 and memories that perhaps make us sad, angry, or dissatisfied.
I was thinking this morning that in preparation for 2012 I would like to focus on the positive things that happened this past year and bring that positive energy to the start of this next year. How to do that?
How about packing an imaginary suitcase for your journey through 2012? Let’s take out a BIG suitcase and pack all the positive and wonderful things we want to bring with us in to the new year. As we reflect back on the past year, we can consciously leave behind whatever we think is not serving us in a positive supportive manner. (For instance, I’d like to leave behind the 5 pounds I gained over Christmas!)
Here are some suggestions:
- First and most importantly, pack all your accomplishments from this past year. Write a list of every success no matter how small and put it in the suitcase along with a large container of pride for your achievements. This will help you continue your success in 2012.
- What memories from this past year bring a smile to your face? Is it something that your children did? A new grandchild? A special time with family and friends? Make room in your suitcase for this! We certainly want to bring smiles and positive feelings into the new year.
- Another important thing to pack is our gratitude for living another year in good health and having family and friends around us for love and support. Pack the gratitude for everything that you have to offer; your unique talent, your skills, your experience, your clients, your colleagues.
- Last but not least, I think we need to leave some room for the opportunities that 2012 will bring to all of us. We need to have enough room in our suitcase so that these opportunities will not only present themselves but become reality.
What will you pack for your journey into 2012 and what do you want to leave behind?
Happy New Year and best wishes for a healthy and prosperous 2012!
How to Use Body Language Effectively in Business
Do you know that your body language can sabotage your message before you even open your mouth? This podcast will help us to learn about the common mistakes we make with body language and how we can use it to our advantage in business. It’s a fascinating topic and one we all need to know more about.
Featured Guest
My guest today is Carol Kinsey Goman. Carol is a keynote speaker and author of The NonVerbal Advantage-Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work and most recently, The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help or Hurt How You Lead. Her books are important resources for all of us who want to better position themselves in business and I’m sure you’ll agree after listening to Carol.
Carol is president of Kinsey Consulting Services. She has worked with over 130 organizations in twenty-one countries. Her work has been featured on CNN, Bloomberg Television, and NBC News. Carol addresses associations, government and business audiences around the world on this and other strategic business issues. You can learn more about Carol and her books and services at www.NonVerbalAdvantage.com and www.ckg.com.
Listen to the January 2nd podcast.
Are You on Your Holiday List? 6 Gifts to Give Yourself this Holiday Season
I’m a list maker. Are you? I get tremendous satisfaction creating my to-do list and crossing off items as they are accomplished. In fact, I start every day with a new list that has everything I want to do for my business as well as some personal tasks. (Go to the bank, write a new blog, follow up with a coaching client, run to Trader Joes, pick up dry cleaning, etc.)
Now this time of year the list gets very complicated for not only does it all have of the above details, it also has holiday gifts for family and friends as well as a calendar full of social events. Trying to keep up with all the holiday madness on top of normal business is a challenge. I get stressed just thinking about it.
It dawned on me this morning as I was putting my list together for today that nowhere on my list is ME! And perhaps the greatest gift we can give ourselves this holiday season is to take care of ourselves as well as our loved ones. Have you even thought about this? What will you do for yourself this holiday season?
Here are some simple suggestions to maintain your sanity and well-being:
1. Learn to say “no”.
As many events begin to fill in your calendar, focus on your energy and make good decisions about which events to attend and which to decline.
2. Avoid the “what can I bring?” offer.
If you’re like me and love to bake and cook, you probably make this generous offer a lot. How can I turn down someone asking for my special chocolate cake? Refer to tip number one and offer to pick up something instead.
3. Outsource when appropriate.
It can be a great gift to yourself to hire someone to clean your house or do the dishes if you are having a large party. Think about ways to reserve your time and energy.
4. Keep up your exercise routine.
When we are consume more calories at one meal than we might in one month, we need to burn those calories! Plus exercise boosts are serotonin levels and helps us to maintain our energy.
5. Schedule some quiet time for yourself.
Whether or not you are into meditation, just being alone for a few minutes a day can be extremely relaxing. It helps us clarify our thoughts and focus on what’s important. Holidays can bring lots of stress as well as joy.
6. Focus on gratitude.
It’s a time to be with family and friends and a wonderful time to be grateful for all the wonderful people in our lives.
For more tips on how to keep your life in balance, listen to my conversation with Marilyn Tam on How to Live the Life of Your Dreams on GPS Your Career Radio, Monday, December 12th.
Women Do Ask, But They Still Don’t Get Ahead
Women DO ask for promotions and raises but they still lag behind men in compensation and position. The latest Catalyst study, The Myth of the Ideal Worker: Does Doing All the Right Things Really Get Women Ahead?, dispels the myth that women are not proactive in advancing their careers. After following 3,000 high potential MBA graduates, Catalyst found that doing all the “right things” such as being proactive, requesting high profile assignments, and asking for promotions and raises, did not significantly help women advance their careers.
Examining different career strategies, Catalyst found that the common proactive strategies that high-potential women often adopt to advance their careers did not work in their favor. Quite simply, men outpace women in both advancement and compensation. The gender gap in pay and position still exists despite women’s efforts to negotiate for better pay and placement.
Here are some of the key findings:
Women seem to be paid for proven performance—women who changed jobs two or more times post-MBA earned $53,472 less than women who rose through the ranks at their first job.
In contrast, men seem to be paid for potential—men who had moved on from their first post-MBA job earned $13,743 more than those who stayed with their first employer.
Across all career profiles, men were more likely to reach senior executive/CEO positions than women; in the most proactive category, 21% of men advanced to leadership compared with 11% of women.
What I find especially important in the study is Catalyst’s recommendation for career advancement.
The same strategies don’t work equally well for men and women. Women must adopt strategies different from their male colleagues’ to advance their careers. When women were proactive in making their achievements known, they advanced further, increased their compensation growth, and were more satisfied with their careers. They also advanced further when they proactively networked with influential others. (my underline)
So let me ask you, how well do you think you communicate your achievements?
Have you identified your web of influence (your power network) and do you consistently communicate with this network to keep them apprised of your accomplishments?
Learning how to effectively articulate your achievements is not about bragging. It’s about YOU connecting with the VALUE you bring to your organization. It’s about how your value benefits the organization; how YOU impact the bottom line.
Once you are able to do this well to your internal and external network, people will better understand what you have to offer. As the Catalyst study suggests, this is paramount to advancing your career in today’s workplace environment.
If you would like improve your ability to do this well, I will be offering a full day workshop, GPS Your Career Day, in Boston in the beginning of December (exact date and location TBD), AND a four week coaching group, GPS Your Career Group, starting in January.
Email me if you would like more information.
Staying Focused Takes Focus!
True confession time. I have a little gremlin inside me that often rears its ugly head and causes me to lose focus. Of course, it’s easier to blame a gremlin than to admit that I am often challenged to stay on track with my business.
When presented with compelling new opportunities, new ventures, new products, new technology, I have been known to veer off my well planned strategic path from time to time. As a result, I find myself headed down a dead end road chasing something that not only doesn’t make sense, but consumes my time and energy.
Does this ever happen to you?
I can’t even count how many times I’ve said, “Yes. I can help you with that.” “Wow! Of course I can do that for you.” All this willingness to help out leads me astray and off my mission.
How does this happen? Let’s face it. We are constantly presented with new enticing opportunities. Every day I receive emails, tweets, invitations to connect that all brings potential new prospects for my business. It takes a tremendous amount of focus to stay focused!
So how do we stay on point? How do we evaluate new opportunities that come our way? Should we accept every client, every consulting gig, even if it’s not aligned with our core business? The answer is “no”.
The best advice I can give (which I admit is a challenge for me) is to put up a sign in your workspace with your mission and keep it visible at all times. When presented with new opportunities, evaluate them against your stated mission. Does is make sense to move forward and investigate this further? Does it align with my mission? Does this project or client best reflect my core message?
The reality is that staying on message and living your mission and values is THE best way to grow your business and attract the right clients. When you stray off course and send mixed messages, people get confused and as a result, it becomes more of a challenge to engage with you.
There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. ~ Peter Drucker
How do you stay focused?
Any tips you’d like to share?
Have you lost touch with who you are?
A prospective client called me last week about my coaching services. She had read an article of mine about how to prepare for an interview and was seeking help to better position herself for employment. We talked for a couple of minutes and I asked her what she does. It’s a simple question, right? We are asked this question all the time, but when I posed the question to her she could not answer it. There was silence on the other end of the phone.
“See”, she said. “This is my problem.” I can’t talk about myself let alone describe what I do. Turns out she is a financial analyst and had dropped out for 18 months to have a child and seems to have lost her way.
Of course, I hear this from men and women who are employed as well. We all get so tied up in our daily lives and everyday tasks that it is easy to lose touch with who we are and what is special and unique about us. We lose touch with who we are. I mean who we REALLY are.
Why do we lose touch? Well, we get distracted by the clutter in our lives. We are bombarded daily by the media with new promotions, new opportunities, new gadgets and technology, new theories. It’s easy to get distracted from the essence of who we are unless we are willing to take the time for introspection and meditation.
What’s missing is the connection with our core essence. What makes each of us unique?
I do many workshops to help professionals connect with their value and what I have discovered is that many of us are so disconnected that we lose our way. We need a foundation. We need to re-establish this connection with our value and establish a strong belief in ourselves and our capabilities and strengths. I’m not talking about the normal hype or the mundane adjectives we often use to describe ourselves, but the connection with our true authentic selves.
Do yourself a favor and take some time to re-establish this connection. What are your strengths and what do you contribute to your organization, your family, your community? How would others describe you? Dig deep until you truly understand your value, not what you think others expect of you or what you think you should be. If you dig deep enough you will find your core essence.
It is this core essence that provides the foundation for your confidence and well-being. It is this foundation that will free you to talk about yourself in a positive way and promote yourself with conviction.
Re-energizing My Life
Look out world! My theme for this year is to re-energize my life! And because it’s my theme for the year, any decisions I make will be evaluated with this theme in mind to determine if I am truly aligned and making choices that support my goal.
I must say that just the process of identifying this theme has already given me more energy, but more importantly, it has helped to me evaluate what in my life right now is draining my energy. I’m sharing this process with you because I feel so strongly that most of the time we don’t realize what deflates us; what brings us down. And if we do recognize it, sometimes we don’t even have the energy to deal with it.
This blog is not about being a super woman or super mom. As women we often take on too much and don’t give ourselves a break when we don’t meet our own expectations. This post is about energy. What fuels our energy? What drains our energy?
Where are your energy leaks?
1. Work
Are you doing the type of work that fuels your energy; that validates your sense of accomplishment? Because we spend much of our lives working, this is SO important. Key questions to ask yourself are:
- Do I look forward to going to work?
- Am I tired before the work day begins?
- Do I procrastinate completing projects? (this could be due to other factors as well)
- Do I enjoy the people I work with?
- Do I feel respected at work?
- Do I spend more time being frustrated than fulfilled?
2. Personal Relationships
Our personal relationships provide a support system for us, but how much of our time and energy is spent supporting others?
- Do I get the support I need from my friends and family?
- How much time do I spend in relationships that drain my energy?
- Who are the people in my life that give me energy and support?
3. Lifestyle Choices
- Am I getting enough exercise?
- Does my diet reflect healthy choices that provide me with the energy I need to support my lifestyle? (P.S. Caffeine is not the answer)
- Do I take time out for myself on a regular basis to recharge my batteries?
- Do I have a hobby or sport that I participate in that rejuvenates me?
- Is my home environment organized and functional or am I always struggling to keep up?
- Why do I live where I live? Do I spend too much time commuting? Is it worth it?
I know from my own perspective as I evaluate new work projects this year I will look very carefully at the type of work to determine if it aligns with my talent and strengths. Though it is sometimes difficult to turn down opportunities, I know how toxic it can be to choose projects that drain my energy and leave me feeling deflated in the process. I already have plans for a new website, a new radio show, a book and much more. Stay tuned!
I will look to spend more time with the people in my life who stimulate me intellectually and inspire me to be the best I can be. That’s a great energy source.
Let me ask you: What drains your energy? How can you re-energize your life going forward?
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