Staying Focused Takes Focus!
True confession time. I have a little gremlin inside me that often rears its ugly head and causes me to lose focus. Of course, it’s easier to blame a gremlin than to admit that I am often challenged to stay on track with my business.
When presented with compelling new opportunities, new ventures, new products, new technology, I have been known to veer off my well planned strategic path from time to time. As a result, I find myself headed down a dead end road chasing something that not only doesn’t make sense, but consumes my time and energy.
Does this ever happen to you?
I can’t even count how many times I’ve said, “Yes. I can help you with that.” “Wow! Of course I can do that for you.” All this willingness to help out leads me astray and off my mission.
How does this happen? Let’s face it. We are constantly presented with new enticing opportunities. Every day I receive emails, tweets, invitations to connect that all brings potential new prospects for my business. It takes a tremendous amount of focus to stay focused!
So how do we stay on point? How do we evaluate new opportunities that come our way? Should we accept every client, every consulting gig, even if it’s not aligned with our core business? The answer is “no”.
The best advice I can give (which I admit is a challenge for me) is to put up a sign in your workspace with your mission and keep it visible at all times. When presented with new opportunities, evaluate them against your stated mission. Does is make sense to move forward and investigate this further? Does it align with my mission? Does this project or client best reflect my core message?
The reality is that staying on message and living your mission and values is THE best way to grow your business and attract the right clients. When you stray off course and send mixed messages, people get confused and as a result, it becomes more of a challenge to engage with you.
There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. ~ Peter Drucker
How do you stay focused?
Any tips you’d like to share?
Have you lost touch with who you are?
A prospective client called me last week about my coaching services. She had read an article of mine about how to prepare for an interview and was seeking help to better position herself for employment. We talked for a couple of minutes and I asked her what she does. It’s a simple question, right? We are asked this question all the time, but when I posed the question to her she could not answer it. There was silence on the other end of the phone.
“See”, she said. “This is my problem.” I can’t talk about myself let alone describe what I do. Turns out she is a financial analyst and had dropped out for 18 months to have a child and seems to have lost her way.
Of course, I hear this from men and women who are employed as well. We all get so tied up in our daily lives and everyday tasks that it is easy to lose touch with who we are and what is special and unique about us. We lose touch with who we are. I mean who we REALLY are.
Why do we lose touch? Well, we get distracted by the clutter in our lives. We are bombarded daily by the media with new promotions, new opportunities, new gadgets and technology, new theories. It’s easy to get distracted from the essence of who we are unless we are willing to take the time for introspection and meditation.
What’s missing is the connection with our core essence. What makes each of us unique?
I do many workshops to help professionals connect with their value and what I have discovered is that many of us are so disconnected that we lose our way. We need a foundation. We need to re-establish this connection with our value and establish a strong belief in ourselves and our capabilities and strengths. I’m not talking about the normal hype or the mundane adjectives we often use to describe ourselves, but the connection with our true authentic selves.
Do yourself a favor and take some time to re-establish this connection. What are your strengths and what do you contribute to your organization, your family, your community? How would others describe you? Dig deep until you truly understand your value, not what you think others expect of you or what you think you should be. If you dig deep enough you will find your core essence.
It is this core essence that provides the foundation for your confidence and well-being. It is this foundation that will free you to talk about yourself in a positive way and promote yourself with conviction.
Re-energizing My Life
Look out world! My theme for this year is to re-energize my life! And because it’s my theme for the year, any decisions I make will be evaluated with this theme in mind to determine if I am truly aligned and making choices that support my goal.
I must say that just the process of identifying this theme has already given me more energy, but more importantly, it has helped to me evaluate what in my life right now is draining my energy. I’m sharing this process with you because I feel so strongly that most of the time we don’t realize what deflates us; what brings us down. And if we do recognize it, sometimes we don’t even have the energy to deal with it.
This blog is not about being a super woman or super mom. As women we often take on too much and don’t give ourselves a break when we don’t meet our own expectations. This post is about energy. What fuels our energy? What drains our energy?
Where are your energy leaks?
1. Work
Are you doing the type of work that fuels your energy; that validates your sense of accomplishment? Because we spend much of our lives working, this is SO important. Key questions to ask yourself are:
- Do I look forward to going to work?
- Am I tired before the work day begins?
- Do I procrastinate completing projects? (this could be due to other factors as well)
- Do I enjoy the people I work with?
- Do I feel respected at work?
- Do I spend more time being frustrated than fulfilled?
2. Personal Relationships
Our personal relationships provide a support system for us, but how much of our time and energy is spent supporting others?
- Do I get the support I need from my friends and family?
- How much time do I spend in relationships that drain my energy?
- Who are the people in my life that give me energy and support?
3. Lifestyle Choices
- Am I getting enough exercise?
- Does my diet reflect healthy choices that provide me with the energy I need to support my lifestyle? (P.S. Caffeine is not the answer)
- Do I take time out for myself on a regular basis to recharge my batteries?
- Do I have a hobby or sport that I participate in that rejuvenates me?
- Is my home environment organized and functional or am I always struggling to keep up?
- Why do I live where I live? Do I spend too much time commuting? Is it worth it?
I know from my own perspective as I evaluate new work projects this year I will look very carefully at the type of work to determine if it aligns with my talent and strengths. Though it is sometimes difficult to turn down opportunities, I know how toxic it can be to choose projects that drain my energy and leave me feeling deflated in the process. I already have plans for a new website, a new radio show, a book and much more. Stay tuned!
I will look to spend more time with the people in my life who stimulate me intellectually and inspire me to be the best I can be. That’s a great energy source.
Let me ask you: What drains your energy? How can you re-energize your life going forward?
If Nice Guys Finish Last, What about Nice Gals?
The news last week featured the results of an interesting research study from University of Ontario’s Ivey School of Business, Cornell University and University of Notre Dame. Basically, the study demonstrated that men who were “highly disagreeable” at work earned 18 per cent more (an average of $9,700 more a year) than men who scored “agreeable”. The headline in the press was that nice guys finish last, but is there more to it than that?
For the purpose of this study, “agreeableness” was defined as people who value relationships, altruism, and the good of the group over their own self-interest. This is typically seen as more feminine behavior, right? Those who were considered “disagreeable” were viewed as self-serving and aggressive.
Charlice Hurst, one of the co-authors says of the study says that we shouldn’t take all this literally, but it is important to note that the ability to stand up for yourself and advocate for your self-interests does get you noticed for promotion.
….. speaking up for yourself more often may make you more highly valued by your employer. It comes down to standing up for your interests and being more assertive in your negotiations based on what you know your value to be rather than making people happy your top priority.
She offers more food for thought. It could be that the high earning men are actually nice guys on a daily basis but are more aggressive and proficient at negotiating for a better salary. Interesting point! We can still be nice (if that comes naturally) and advance our careers by being more assertive when we need to be.
We all know that women who are aggressive and self-serving are already viewed negatively by most organizations. Being nice had less of an effect on women’s compensation with an average of 5 per cent gap in salary. The study concluded that women are already discriminated against in terms of salary and in fact, are expected to be nice, to be nurturing of others, and therefore, are not penalized further for this.
The important lesson for women, I think, is that we can still embrace our innate feminine style. We don’t need to mimic “disagreeable” behavior to get ahead. (This doesn’t really work for men either.) But what we do need to do is learn to speak up for ourselves if we want to advance our career. We can still be an advocate for our team, but we also need to know when to advocate for ourselves. There is an appropriate time for both, and knowing when to stick up for yourself is vitally important to get noticed and get promoted.
Do You Dare to Dream?
Here’s the question: “If you had all the resources and freedom to do whatever you wanted, what would you do? How would you live your life?
My coach asked me this question as we started our initial work together this week and quite honestly, I was overwhelmed. I realized then that it has been a long time since I have allowed myself the personal freedom to dream of my future.
I seem to be stuck in practicality these days, focused on making a living and replenishing my savings and investments. In fact, I am chasing my financial goals with such intensity, that I have lost sight of where I’m headed.
The instability of our country’s financial status and the volatile swings on Wall Street all contribute to my sense of urgency to focus on my financial viability above all else. But the personal cost to me has been to lose that necessary time to dream and let my imagination carry me to perhaps new approaches and innovations in my business and life.
Because answering the above question was so difficult for me, I was wondering if I’m the only one who has lost touch with their dreams. Can you relate?
Last year I did some dreaming. My goal was to be a “Woman of Influence”; to do more public speaking and workshops to help women reach their career and leadership goals; to do more writing as well. I generated some fabulous ideas on how to reach this goal. Somewhere along the way, I got lost and lost my focus. I now realize how important it is to allow yourself to dream and dream big every so often.
Take some time this week and ask yourself the above question. Let yourself dream and brainstorm and have fun with your freedom of thought.
Let me know how it goes. What are your dreams?
S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G Your Comfort Zone
I truly enjoy working out. My favorite activity is running outside. I also work out regularly in the gym. What has always been a challenge for me is s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g.
If you are a yogi and can naturally put your foot behind your head or sit in a pigeon for hours without groaning, I don’t think you’ll be able to relate to this post. However, if you’re like me and you enjoy being active every day and are constantly challenged by the amount of time you can devote to your physical activity and will do almost anything to avoid stretching, you are my soul mate.
Sitting in meetings all day, commuting into the city, regular airline travel (ugh!) add to my overall stiffness. Certainly being positioned in front of a computer all day doesn’t help either! This is when I need to stretch the most, but it’s also when it hurts the most.
I was able to make a yoga class this weekend and listened carefully when the instructor said to pay attention to your body. If you are in a pose and something hurts, that’s most likely where you need the stretch the most and where your body puts up the most resistance. And he’s so right!
So I started to think about stretching in general; not just our bodies but stretching our comfort zones in our professional lives. Does the same theory apply? Is it valid that the more we need to stretch to learn new skills and take on more responsibilities, the more it hurts (i.e. the more we resist)?
There is no doubt that we are all more content in our comfort zone. We feel accomplished and productive. We are terrific at what we do. So it is natural that when we are faced with challenges that push us out of this comfort zone, we resist on some level. Perhaps we fear failure and that would certainly hurt. Perhaps we resist learning something new because our ego is so attached to doing it our way.
Whatever the reasons may be, it’s important to note that pushing yourself out of your comfort zone at work is just as important as stretching your body to maintain your health and fitness. Certainly, volunteering for high profile projects and taking on more responsibility at work all contribute to learning some new skills to add to your resume and will help you to advance your career.
Next time you go to stretch your calf muscles or hamstrings, remind yourself that you also need to stretch yourself at work if you want to advance your career. It may hurt a little at first, but just like the physical stretch it will benefit you in the long run.
Living an Authentic Life
We now live in a transparent world. Our personal and professional stories reside on the internet and will remain there in perpetuity. Our resumes, our profiles, our photos, videos, testimonials will endure long after our lifetime.
It seems that everyone knows everything about you. But how well do you know yourself? Are you living an authentic life?
We all have core values that define the essence of who we are. Quite simply, mine are based on the importance I place on my family and friends and living an active, healthy lifestyle. Other important values are integrity, respect, good work ethic. Once I define my core values, I can ask myself how well does my life align with these values? For, in fact, to live an authentic life, I should make my decisions based on these values.
By example, I may have a choice to go kayaking with friends or stay at home and eat a big bowl of ice cream (mmmmm!) The choice that best aligns with my personal core values is kayaking with friends. If I choose to eat the ice cream instead, it would not align with the value I place on living an active healthy lifestyle. I might enjoy the ice cream, but probably wouldn’t feel very good about myself afterwards. That decision would not be in alignment with my core values; the essence of who I am.
Another example may be that you are asked to take a long business trip for your company and as a result, you will miss an important family event. You agree to go on the trip, but don’t feel good about yourself because you value your family more. (We are always faced with these types of decisions and in fact, we don’t always feel we have a choice).
The point is that in order to live an authentic life, our core values should drive all our actions and decisions. When our decisions are in alignment with these values, we are living an authentic life and feel good about ourselves.
So how do you stay on track? The first step is to identify your core values and write them down. When you are faced with tough decisions (this is unavoidable as we face them everyday), look at your list of values. Understand that you will feel the best about yourself when your decision aligns with your values. Understand also, that you may not always feel you can make the choice that is best aligned with your values. When this occurs, we are making sacrifices and don’t always feel good about ourselves as a result.
Your core values are not only the foundation of who you are, but also your best road map to living an authentic life; a life in which you feel great about yourself and your decisions.
Confessions of a Planning Addict
How many of you enjoy making plans? For those of you like myself, who somehow feel more in control if they have a plan, you will appreciate this blog and confession.
When circumstances are very uncertain (in fact, when are they really certain?), I am the master of planning. I will most likely make several plans: Plan A if this happens; Plan B in this situation, etc. Having alternative plans in the face of uncertainty, gives me solace.
But life always seems to throw us a curve ball just when we think we are in control. No matter how many plans and back up plans I create, I find that I can still be unprepared. After all, it’s impossible to foresee the future and have a consistent strategy for what life presents us.
Intellectually, I understand this and yet my desire to be in control always takes over any inclination I might have to “wait and see” what happens. No, instead I can waste hours attempting to create some semblance of order to the chaos in my life. I have a plan, therefore, I must be in control.
I really do have to laugh at myself. You know the saying “the best laid plans”. Plan after plan after plan is scrapped because one cannot possibly plan for all of life’s surprises and uncertainties.
How do I break this addiction to planning?
I know one answer is to try living fully in the present. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is a great introduction to the importance of this spiritual philosophy and the book serves as a “how to” guide as well. It was an eye-opener for me when I read it a few years ago. I was excited about the prospect of changing my focus to living and appreciating every precious moment.
But honestly, I couldn’t help myself. After reading this book, I immediately made another “plan” to live more in the present!!!
Am I hopeless?
What Do You Do?
Someone told me once that the first question Americans ask each other when they meet is, “what do you do? And I’ve noticed that this is true for the most part. Whether our first encounter with someone is at a cocktail party, a networking event, or the gym, people seem to want to know what we do more than anything else. Perhaps we ask this question because we think it’s the best way to find out more about someone with whom we want to connect. But is it also based on the assumption that once we know what someone does for a living, we know a lot about them?
This is an interesting blog post for me because my coaching work helps people answer this question and the advice I give about positioning yourself and communicating your value to others is the focus of many of my workshops. This post, however, is not about how you answer the question relative to your career. This post is about the importance of identifying and connecting with who we are as individuals because, quite simply, our profession has become our identity to a large extent.
Case in point: say you have decided to leave the work force to become a stay-at-home mom. You don’t have a “job” to speak of. When asked this question, your response may be more about what you used to do rather than what you are currently doing. In this situation, we can be defensive and even apologetic because we don’t place value on ourselves outside of a job.
Now I will ask a question that I often ask my clients relative to positioning themselves in the workplace, but with a new twist. Put your resume aside for a minute. What are you all about? What are your values? What are your strengths? Who are you today? What is unique about you? What have been your accomplishments as a person not an employee?
The answers to these questions help you define yourself as an individual. These are the unique core qualities that stay with you no matter where you work or what you do.
As much as I coach my clients to stay connected to their value proposition and understand what they bring to the table, I think it is also extremely important for us to realize that this is just a part of who we are. Our jobs do not define us. Our unique value proposition is who we are as individuals and that includes what we do, but what we do does not define our identity.
Forbe’s Top 100 Websites for Women
Wow! Women’s Success Coaching was chosen as one of the TOP 100 websites for working women. I am thrilled and extremely honored to be a part of this awesome list of websites and blogs.
The authors of the Forbes article, Meghan Casserly and Jenna Goudreau, state:
No one can succeed on her own. Even the savviest women need help along the way. To that end, with the help of the ForbesWoman community, we’ve searched the Web for the most dynamic, inspiring and helpful websites for women. We’re delighted to present this list of ForbesWoman’s Top 100 Websites for Women.
To determine which sites and blogs made the cut we looked for compelling and decidedly female-oriented content, outstanding design, an active community and frequent updates. In short, sheer clickyness.”
Click here to read the article.
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